smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thought I'd post this as I was looking for some outside advice. Me and my GF have been dating for about 1.5 years now and havn't really had any issues up till this point. She is 20, I'm 24. We got into a bit of an argument last night after she got home from a car shoot with some guys and 7 other girls. She likes to get her picture taken by her cousin who thinks she is some kind of professional photographer. My GF then takes the pics and puts them on her myspace page. Some are in bikini's and scantly clad clothing. Am I the only guy who has a problem with stuff like this? Should this not bother me? What can I do to change how I feel about this? Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thought I'd post this as I was looking for some outside advice. Me and my GF have been dating for about 1.5 years now and havn't really had any issues up till this point. She is 20, I'm 24. We got into a bit of an argument last night after she got home from a car shoot with some guys and 7 other girls. She likes to get her picture taken by her cousin who thinks she is some kind of professional photographer. My GF then takes the pics and puts them on her myspace page. Some are in bikini's and scantly clad clothing. Am I the only guy who has a problem with stuff like this? Should this not bother me? What can I do to change how I feel about this? It doesn't matter how other guys would feel about this. Some people feel comfortable with things that others would NEVER let fly in a relationship. It sounds like this really, truly bothers you and I can understand why. If you think you can live with it and change your mindset, do that. If you think this will stay as an issue for you, then you need to sit down and really spell it out to her and see what she's willing to do about it. Link to comment
delphi88 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Hey, I'm not a guy but I thought I'd give you my point of view anyway. I can see why you feel bad about this and I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her how you feel. But at the same time, it's her life and she can post what she likes on the net. From her point of view, it probably gives her a confidence boost to see herself looking hot in these photos, and whether you agree with it or not, she's probably not going to want to give it up yet. I think you should try and talk to her without arguing, and try and find a compromise somewhere. You might not be able to change how you feel about it, but by sharing it with her (and listening to her POV) you'll make your relationship stronger, and hopefully get rid of some of the resentment you feel. Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 She loves attention from other men. My buddy's GF does the same thing except she is in her mid 20's. She even dances with other men in front of him. He is ok with this mostly because she is way out of his league. If you are not ok with this put your foot down. Link to comment
smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks guys, I did speak with her about it yesterday and she isn't willing to stop. She said her ex tried to "Control" her before. Im not trying to control her. She said she is not going to stop, it's something she loves to do and pretty much said if I dont like it I shouldn't date her. (not in those exact words, but I got what she implied). Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 It would bother me. Greatly. You need to make a decision dude. Take my advice tho - do NOT attempt to change her or try to forbid her from doing something she wants to do. If i have learnt nothing else, its that. You wont succeed, trust me. Either accept it, or hit the road. Trying to change her will simply break you. It cant be done. Make a decision dude. Suck it up, or walk. Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks guys, I did speak with her about it yesterday and she isn't willing to stop. She said her ex tried to "Control" her before. Im not trying to control her. She said she is not going to stop, it's something she loves to do and pretty much said if I dont like it I shouldn't date her. (not in those exact words, but I got what she implied). Then you shouldn't date her. I am not jeleous at all but I would have a huge problem with that. It is not controlling to tell her that something is bothering you. I am sure if you went out and flirted with girls in front of her she would have a problem with it. It is the same thing in my eyes. Tell her if she needs the attension of other people then you don't ned her. Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Ahh, the classic "you're trying to control me" line. Been there mate, and got the t-shirt. I stand by my previous post. Link to comment
Budman Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks guys, I did speak with her about it yesterday and she isn't willing to stop. She said her ex tried to "Control" her before. Im not trying to control her. She said she is not going to stop, it's something she loves to do and pretty much said if I dont like it I shouldn't date her. (not in those exact words, but I got what she implied). Personally I would leave the relationship. I understand about not wanting to be controlled, but at the same time you have to avoid things that make your partner uncomfortable. I bet you quicker than anything that if you were to dance with other girls or to do the exact same thing she would get angry. My wife doesn't like to have other men oogle her because she is married to me, she was the same way when we were just dating. Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks guys, I did speak with her about it yesterday and she isn't willing to stop. She said her ex tried to "Control" her before. Im not trying to control her. She said she is not going to stop, it's something she loves to do and pretty much said if I dont like it I shouldn't date her. (not in those exact words, but I got what she implied). If she implied that, then the ball's in your court. If you can't get over this, then I seriously doubt this relationship will work out because there will always be this elephant in the room that you're not allowed to talk about. Link to comment
smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 She loves attention from other men. My buddy's GF does the same thing except she is in her mid 20's. She even dances with other men in front of him. He is ok with this mostly because she is way out of his league. If you are not ok with this put your foot down. She would never dance with other men infront of me. She truly (I think) does love me.. she wouldn't disrespect me like that. She also has a lot of male friends. Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 She would never dance with other men infront of me. She truly (I think) does love me.. she wouldn't disrespect me like that. She also has a lot of male friends. Ok if she loves you why does she need attension from other men? Also if she did love you she would be willing to work on something that is a problem for you. I think you need to take another look at your relationship. Link to comment
smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Ok if she loves you why does she need attension from other men? Also if she did love you she would be willing to work on something that is a problem for you. I think you need to take another look at your relationship. I dont know if it's the attention from other men she seeks. I think she just likes the attention, from women, anyone. She doesn't accept strange friend request's on myspace or anything and I really do trust her. She really hasn't given me a reason not to. All her friends do this as well, and their boyfriends dont mind. It makes me think somethings wrong with ME. Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I dont know if it's the attention from other men she seeks. I think she just likes the attention, from women, anyone. She doesn't accept strange friend request's on myspace or anything and I really do trust her. She really hasn't given me a reason not to. All her friends do this as well, and their boyfriends dont mind. It makes me think somethings wrong with ME. Nothing wrong with you. I would not be happy with this either. I would probably leave her. But that's just me. Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I dont know if it's the attention from other men she seeks. I think she just likes the attention, from women, anyone. She doesn't accept strange friend request's on myspace or anything and I really do trust her. She really hasn't given me a reason not to. All her friends do this as well, and their boyfriends dont mind. It makes me think somethings wrong with ME. Dude, there's nothing wrong with you not wanting your girl to post racy pics of herself. Who cares if she doesn't accept random myspace requests. For one thing, most cheaters cheat with a close friend or an ex, not a random stranger (from what I've seen). It's not about trusting her. That's a complete non-issue here. The main issue is that she does something that makes you extremely uncomfortable and she's not willing to budge on that. That's not a good mentality for a relationship. Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I agree. There's nothing wrong with u. I wouldnt accept it. How do u know her friends boyfriends are cool with it? Let me guess - she told u so? Link to comment
smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 I agree. There's nothing wrong with u. I wouldnt accept it. How do u know her friends boyfriends are cool with it? Let me guess - she told u so? Yea, she said they didn't care. And they probably dont. Her close friend's BF doesn't really care what his GF does. I also didn't mention how she invited me to go yesterday, I was just extremely aggitated so I didn't go. I didn't want to be around that atmosphere. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 some girls just like attention from guys. i would be lying if i said i didn't enjoy the attentions i get from other guys, even though i have no intentions with them. now, i don't pose explicit pictures or anything like that. i just flirt a bit here and there. what she did, i find quite trashy... so it depends on you. it has to do with your morality and what you find acceptable, nothing about control or love. obvious you guys have different ideas of commitment and such... so it might be good to see how she'd feel if you did the same and perhaps come to a compromise somehow or part ways. Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Yea, she said they didn't care. And they probably dont. Her close friend's BF doesn't really care what his GF does. I also didn't mention how she invited me to go yesterday, I was just extremely aggitated so I didn't go. I didn't want to be around that atmosphere. Again if it bothers you RUN Link to comment
smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 some girls just like attention from guys. i would be lying if i said i didn't enjoy the attentions i get from other guys, even though i have no intentions with them. now, i don't pose explicit pictures or anything like that. i just flirt a bit here and there. what she did, i find quite trashy... so it depends on you. it has to do with your morality and what you find acceptable, nothing about control or love. obvious you guys have different ideas of commitment and such... so it might be good to see how she'd feel if you did the same and perhaps come to a compromise somehow or part ways. Thanks, nice to get another female perspective in here. She is very free with her body, always has been. She wouldn't care if I did the same thing. It wouldn't bother her in the least bit. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 She likes to get her picture taken by her cousin who thinks she is some kind of professional photographer. My GF then takes the pics and puts them on her myspace page. Some are in bikini's and scantly clad clothing. Am I the only guy who has a problem with stuff like this? Should this not bother me? What can I do to change how I feel about this? A different viewpoint: why does it bother you? Do you trust her? Is it not every man's dream to date a supermodel? If you were dating Claudia Shiffer would you break up with her because she posts racy photos on the web? Link to comment
StretchGee Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 As a follow-up, if she does this simply to piss you off then that is her problem. If you cannot handle it and she has always been this way then it is your problem - and as was said above either suck it up or leave. Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Is it not every man's dream to date a supermodel? If you were dating Claudia Shiffer would you break up with her because she posts racy photos on the web? That is way out of context here. For Claudia it is her job, for this girl it is her trying to attract attension. And I don't think that he is mad that she has her picture taken I think he is uncomfortable with her posting them on myspace. Link to comment
Mlost Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 That is way out of context here. For Claudia it is her job, for this girl it is her trying to attract attension. And I don't think that he is mad that she has her picture taken I think he is uncomfortable with her posting them on myspace. I think he's uncomfortable with both. Like he said earlier, he doesn't even want to be around that environment when she is getting her picture taken. As far as the supermodel thing goes, I would want to date a supermodel-looking woman, but one who doesn't have pics like that taken. Link to comment
smiles21 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 That is way out of context here. For Claudia it is her job, for this girl it is her trying to attract attension. And I don't think that he is mad that she has her picture taken I think he is uncomfortable with her posting them on myspace. Yes. I just dont like all these guys looking at her like that on her myspace. Link to comment
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