Could my ex be gay?

[ratgirl77]

I recently broke up with this guy. We dated for just over four months. It really hurts, because I was starting to fall in love with him. When he ended it, he gave me no explanation other than, it just didn't feel right.

 

Anyways, I was talking to one of my friends about it the other day, she is a clinical psychologist, so I'm guessing she must be good at observing people, and maybe seeing things that aren't so obvious to others. She gave me the standard "He's not worth it, just move on" speach, but then added: "You know he's not straight, so you're better off moving on." I was a bit in shock that she thought that. She has never met him in person. All she knows about him, is what I've told her.

 

So I started thinking, maybe he is, and I was in denial all along. The main thing that makes me think he could be, was the way he acted around me sexually. We never had much of a discussion about our past sexual experiences, but at the time when we were together I kind of had the sense that he was a virgin. He was very awkward, nervous, and didn't really seem like he knew what he was doing. The first time we attempted to have sex, he ended up prematurly ejaculating, before there was even any penetration. Then the first time I performed oral on him, he seemed very uptight about it. When things started to become sexual in our relationship, it was him who initiated things; so it wasn't like I was making unwanted advances towards him. I did think it strange though, how he would initiate things. When we did have sex (including the first time) he would always pull me on top of him; I thought that to be kind of strange, because most men I've been with usually like to take the lead, at least when it's the first time anyways. The one time he was on top of me, was the worst. I could tell that he was very, very uncomfortable, and he didn't seem like he was enjoying it at all. In fact, he kind of hurt me. He kissed me really, really hard, and bit my lip.

 

Another thing that makes me think he might be, is that he told me he hadn't had a girlfriend in 8 years; and when I would ask him certain questions about his dating past, he would give me vague answers. So gay or not, I think he must have been keeping something from me.

[ATLstudent]

Honestly if a guy prematurely ejaculates in anticipation of having sex with a girl, that would seem to me to be a guarantee that he is straight, or maybe bi, not gay. Thats means you really turned him on.

[ratgirl77]

yes I understand that is how it normally works; but I figured that perhaps he was premature due to nerves.

[Blue Streak]

Move on, girlfriend. You are your own reality, always. You can * * * * * and whine to the moon. That does not provide your truth.

 

You are your own reality, always. Most disapprove with me on this forum.

[ATLstudent]

No usually nerves or high anxiety makes things not work at all, and so does being with a female if your a gay male, this guy definitely might have somethings he didnt tell you, but i really dont think he's gay

[pianoguy]

I doubt he's gay. Why do you care? Move on.

[Overburdened]

Well, I can tell you about some of my experiences with men...

 

For some reason, men who like other men seem to like me. I'm an attractive girl, but when I was a child, kids told me I looked like a boy a lot. I was practically raised by my three brothers and wore their clothes and so on...

 

Anyway, a high school boyfriend of mine was really wacky and years after we were together, I saw him at a gay club that my female friend begged me to go to because it was the only club open after hours. I refused to dance, but saw him there as I was sitting in the dark. We had had sex maybe once or twice back then, but it was really unpleasant. He just wasn't romantic or passionate.

 

My first love had been a stripper before we got together. He was great looking. He had a best friend who he hung out with and played video games or watched movies with. I didn't think anything of it. He was definitely good in bed I must say. But at that time, I was so inexperienced that it took several months before we tried "dogstyle". I was usually on top from what I remember. Anyway, he moved to another state and a few years after he left, I visited his friend's house. His friend was asking me to sleep over and telling me he didn't see a ring on my finger. He basically told me he would marry me. Well, I didn't fall for it. A few months later, I stopped by his house because I needed to talk to someone and a drag queen answered the door and told me to back off because they were engaged. This had my thoughts rewinding all night long.

 

And the worst thing that happened to me was that an internet predator found me on a site and I made the mistake of telling him I was a single mom with a boy. I went out with him and he was extremely perverted and telling me he would marry me the first time we met. I tried to keep him away from me, but he called several times a day and dropped by whenever. He always tried to sweep me up with fancy hotel rooms and steak dinners. He acted like he couldn't live without me. Well, we dated for several months before I realized that he was harming my son. Not only was he harming my son, but he was pressuring me to do anal sex atleast once a week. He seemed madly attracted to me, but he was still g-a-y.

 

And my ex husband also told me that his first sexual experience was with a boy and he said he liked it-it felt good. Most of his exes look butch-like with mullets. Toward the end of our marriage, he told me that some guy forced him to take oral with a gun to his head when he was younger. But, my ex is a pathological liar and I don't believe anything he says.

 

All I have to say is that you really need to have common ground with the guys you talk to. You have to be with someone who relates to you.

 

My problem was that I was attracted to these guys physically before I got to know them. I have always been attracted to the "mystery men" because I always wanted what I couldn't have.

 

I can't say for sure that any of them are gay. But, I can sure say that there were many humungous red flags waving at me from the skies. I just didn't want to see them.

 

Now days, I am looking forward to meeting someone my age with similar interests and the same values.

 

Good luck.

[jon 13]

"You know he's not straight, so you're better off moving on."

that's just usually crap girls say to make them selfs feel better, sorry but just get over it

 

edit: sorry but being an ass, it's just that every other week i see someone posting about their ex having to be gay because they didn't want me