My Parents are getting divorced and I don't know how to deal

[princesslizzie]

I'm 15 years old my parents have been having some problems together....no cheating or anything like that...just they're unhappy being with each other. But now they're getting divorced and I don't know what's going to happen to me and my brother my brother is 17. I'm just so depressed becasue the thought of living in 2 houses and being moved back and forth from my mom's house then my dad's house is just so hard on me...I just feel like I won't have 1 home like I do now...and the hardest part is not seeing my mom and dad together...my dad is already starting to date and trying to find a new wife...but I'm not ready for that...I don't even know if I'll ever be ready for that! I really don't know how my friends who have divorced parents deal with this. I just really hate thinking about it...but I know it's going to happen...Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? or What I can do swo I don't feel so depressed all the time?

 

Thanks

[MrKawabata]

Dear princesslizzie,

 

I am very sorry to hear that your parents are getting divorced. All I can suggest to you is to be strong, learn from the pain of divorce and the effect it has on the family and its members. In general, you can't change the decisions of your parents, but you can learn from their mistakes and choose not to go through a divorce yourself when/should you ever get married.

 

Signed,

Mr Kawabata.

[materia_goddess]

hey there princesslizzie ,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. i understand this will be a very hard time for you right now, and no one can change that, but we can help you to cope and to realize this phase will pass for you. Divorce is SO common these days sadly, so you are not alone.

 

First thing you must remember is that the divorce will in NO way change how they feel about you or your brother. They will still love you regardless and you are not as disadvantaged as you think. A divorce is definitely something you will not suffer to accept forever. Many of my friends have divorced parents and have a very healthy family life. Sure things are different, but you are in no way left out of the family loop.

 

You may not realize now, but you will learn many skills from this experience. It will help you to understand that not all relationships and marriages work out as planned, and nothing can be expected. It teaches you to be careful when you are to decided who your life mate will be. My brother used to tell me that some people go through certain things in order to teach others the lesson. Unfair i know, but it helps us to grow as people. An example could be suffering children in third world countries, which help us to not take so much for granted.

 

Your situation is similar, where your parents mistake could be your success. There can be positives in every situation, which will take time for you to realize, but just don't loose faith there girl, hang in there and know that everything happens for a reason.

 

Best wishes to you and good-luck. you will be alright.

 

*+*Materia_Goddess*+*

[Ash]

Just to echo what's already been said, I'm sure your parents love you very much, maybe even more so than they did before, because you are now their link to happier times. For each of them, they've lost something that was very important to them, and it makes you and your brother all the more important because there's no way on earth either of them will want to distance themselves at all from either of you.

 

Not only do they love you, they haven't done this to hurt you.

 

I have no experience in this myself, but the only thing I can think of saying is to let them know that you love them, and some warmth will come from that.

[Mar]

I feel badly for you, but I expect that this will also help relieve a LOT of the tension you're undoubtedly experiencing in your house right now, since I'd guess your parents are fighting quite a bit. My parents fought constantly when I was younger, and my sister and I WISHED they would just split up to get some peace for both of them. They never did, but we saw it as a possible end to the vicious cycle of fights they always had about the same things that they couldn't get over.

 

Granted, yes, your folks will be living in different homes now-but it won't be as bad as I think you're expecting. I think you've already realized the hardest part, which will be the new dating thing, and the possibility of a stepmom/stepdad. There's that feeling of betrayal, because you still want your parents to be together. So there's an instant dislike for whoever you see as taking the place of the parent that was cut out of that equation. But what you have to realize is that your parents didn't work out and couldn't resolve their issues. Rather than stay together and miserable, they've decided they're both better off being apart and possibly meeting someone new. Your parents can't MAKE you like the person they're dating, and they also have to take into consideration that this is all affecting you and your brother in a major way.

 

I wish you the best of luck....as everyone else has said, it's a huge adjustment, but it's for your parents' sake as well as yours, and in no way infringes on how they feel about you and your brother. It's just something they have to do for their own sanity. You WILL adjust, it will just take time, as anything hurtful does. But I think you'll also see that both your parents are a lot happier in the end. Unfortunately, it's just harder on you because you're not in the middle of the fights they have, so the reasons for splitting might be a little more vague. Just hang in there, it's the best you can do.....people adjust to ANY situation if they have to, it's how they cope with the unpleasantness that life throws in our path so darn often. Good luck to you, and if you need to vent, we're here.

 

Mar

[neallo82288]

I know that you do not see it now, but you will see that in the future you and your brother will be happier adults, because your parents are not fighting constantly. My parents are still together after nearly forty years, but I am divorced and at first it killed me. My 10yr old daughter, still has a desire for me and her mom to get back together and has said so. Her mom is now remarried and she still wants mom and dad together to the point that my daughter resented my last girlfriend. She thought that my ex was going to take me away from her, but that will never happen.

 

Also, you said you won't feel like you have a home. But you will have two homes, With two very loving parents. I know it will be difficult for you to understand, but divorce is for your betterment.

 

The day I left the ex-wife, we were fighting and I looked down and saw my oldest daughter crying her eyes out. It hit me like a bombshell, this is not a healthy lifestyle for my children. So I left and never looked back. I get my children three weekends out of four and I watch them after school and help with their homework.

 

You must let your parents know your feelings ( even though you know it will not get them back together). They will never get back together. Let them know that YOU have some reservations about the living arrangements. How you feel should be made known to them, it will not change their decisions but will help you feel better.