paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 should i fly out to los angeles from iowa to save this? she says she doesnt wanna see me cause she'll take me back and she doesnt wanna take me back. but i love her even though she has given me an extremely cruel break up. should i fly out and surprise her? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Could we have more details? Why did you break up, and do you two have plans to be in the same town or a long distance relationship permanently? Link to comment
charliebrown Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 my advice, without more details, is not to do anything brash until the dust settles a little bit. why are you so sure you want her back? Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 we bith lived in la, the 4 mos ago i moved back to my hometown in iowa without her because i needed to settle things here. when i visited her for a month she was cold for 2 weeks then warmed up on the last 2 and i flew back here. and 2 weeks later she breaks up with me cause i neglect her. i sent her flowers everyday begged her back, called her a lot. she said to leave her alone she broke up over the phone. and said she couldnt do it in person cause my puppy eyes and she'll take me back. i dont know what to do. weve been together 4yrs and lived together for 3 yrs. she was my everything. she neglected me too. but i didnt care. im bummed. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 wow, this is a tough call. how long do or did you plan on staying out in your home town?? If she was really in love with you she would wait. i hate to throw this out there but she sounds needy and needy women usually dont wait and find another. For your sake i hope this isnt the case but did you ask her if there was someone else? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Sounds like something else is going on here. What exactly did you go back to Iowa to settle? Link to comment
charliebrown Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 maybe the distance created when you moved away stirred something new inside her. sounds like you've made some serious efforts to reconcile and she's not having any of it. maybe she's made up her mind, don't smother her and maybe she will come around on her own. if not, try to begin and digest what's gone on with you two and move on. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 wow, this is a tough call. how long do or did you plan on staying out in your home town?? If she was really in love with you she would wait. i hate to throw this out there but she sounds needy and needy women usually dont wait and find another. For your sake i hope this isnt the case but did you ask her if there was someone else? i asked her if someone else was present. she swore and promised no. shes never was the type to be honest. but i do wonder. sigh Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 i was only gonna be in iowa for 4 months she knew that. and now its been 6 months. cause the break up happened and shes all i got in la and im hating my town right now Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 So she is using the distance as an excuse to end it. Maybe this is something she wanted to do for a while.? How much longer do you plan on being in iowa? i find her breaking it off because she is feeling neglegted a poor excuse. Is there more to this your not tellin us? Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 i was meant to be back in la 2 months ago. but we broke up before i could get back. when we fought in the past we really fought. like bad ugly nasty. she says she doesnt want that anymore. but i never minded it. i never ended it. she treated me pound for pound how i treated her. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 sometimes the fights just add up man and you being gone is an excuse for her to break up. My ex and i were perfect for one another but when we fought it was really ugly! never physical but close afew times but really nasty things were said. since that experiance i figured im better off with out that in my life. Dont you know people or have friends in LA? Its a big enough place where im sure you can move on from her, iF indeed thats what you choose. Im not so sure if you flying out there only to get rejected again is a good idea. Finish off all of what you got going on in your home town so thats one burden out of the way. Then if your up to it, see what happens in LA. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 sometimes the fights just add up man and you being gone is an excuse for her to break up. My ex and i were perfect for one another but when we fought it was really ugly! never physical but close afew times but really nasty things were said. since that experiance i figured im better off with out that in my life. Dont you know people or have friends in LA? Its a big enough place where im sure you can move on from her, iF indeed thats what you choose. Im not so sure if you flying out there only to get rejected again is a good idea. Finish off all of what you got going on in your home town so thats one burden out of the way. Then if your up to it, see what happens in LA. thanks. all is done in iowa. my jobs and schools done. i just sit in my room. i wanna fly cause she says that if she sees me she'll most probably want me back. i love her man. she was like pineapple in my life. like i know i have to move on. i have to. but what i want is to be with her. i truly love her Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Than go get her! Maybe you need that for your piece of mind. I understand that. Its worth a try and if she still says no, well atleast you know. If you guys do work out, I highly suggest talking to someone about the fighting if you want things to last. To be dead honest sometimes women will tell you one thing but want you to do another. My ex would tell me after we broke up to not even bother trying to see her so i didnt, then i got yelled at cause i didnt make the effort. Women! Link to comment
karvala Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 i was meant to be back in la 2 months ago. but we broke up before i could get back. when we fought in the past we really fought. like bad ugly nasty. she says she doesnt want that anymore. but i never minded it. i never ended it. she treated me pound for pound how i treated her. A relationship isn't about justice, it's about love and a way of being together. The fact that she threw as many punches as you did (metaphorically) doesn't somehow make it okay, it just means that you can tolerate bad interaction for longer than she can. If you want to make a go of it, then by all means fly out there and give it your best shot, mainly because you'll probably regret it if you don't. But before you do, you really need to figure out a way that the relationship can better, which means a way that you can lead the improvement and continue it no matter what she does. Be the better person, and maybe she will as well. Lowest common denominator is no basis for anything. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 im just afraid i'll be called a psycho if i make the flight... you know? Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Why would you be a psycho, she loved you and you loved her. does she know that you were planning on commin back? If she thinks that man, than she aint worth it. Your doing it out of love and if she feels your psycho you dont need her. Your making an effort to save things. Again if it works in your favor, give her the attention and affection she needs and i swear you WILL get it in return. Dont just be content with what you got, we always need to add spice to a relationship no matter how long it lasts. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 Why would you be a psycho, she loved you and you loved her. does she know that you were planning on commin back? If she thinks that man, than she aint worth it. Your doing it out of love and if she feels your psycho you dont need her. Your making an effort to save things. Again if it works in your favor, give her the attention and affection she needs and i swear you WILL get it in return. Dont just be content with what you got, we always need to add spice to a relationship no matter how long it lasts. thanks man. she knew i was coming back i told her, i dreamed about her sinve ive been gone. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 by the way i spoke to her minutes ago and she said she wants to prove to herself that she can be on her own. i asked her would that have changed if i was better in the relationship? she said yes. the break up wouldlve never happened. i really want to fly out and i will. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 You don't want her going back out of pity, do you? I've given in because of puppy dog eyes before. I just hurt him again the next time we broke up. And it wasn't long in coming. Look, I don't mean to insult Iowa or anything, but your in Iowa and she's in L.A. You may start to look minor league to her. I'd say come out to L.A. if you want to, it's better than Iowa in my book, but don't come out for her. Lots of girls out here who would love to find a nice guy. In fact, you will probably forget her in about a week or two. Or, you could stay in Iowa for awhile and let her miss you. If she doesn't, you've got your answer right there. Sorry to anyone from the Midwest. I've lived there and had some very bad experiences in and around Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio. I've heard Iowa is even more rural. I'm an urban girl. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 by the way i spoke to her minutes ago and she said she wants to prove to herself that she can be on her own. i asked her would that have changed if i was better in the relationship? she said yes. the break up wouldlve never happened. i really want to fly out and i will. So it now sounds like you werent really the best boyfriend. what was it that you werent contributing to the relationship? If you get this second chance, you need to make sure things change and stay that way. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 So it now sounds like you werent really the best boyfriend. what was it that you werent contributing to the relationship? If you get this second chance, you need to make sure things change and stay that way. that i was ignoring her problems. not paying attention to her. i ignored her because she easily picks something out of me and expects to hear a huge apology. Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 i really need to get out of iowa Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 well is it really your fault or are you giving in because you care about her. You need to look past the depression of the break up and realize if this is something you want.. Of course right now cause you miss her you feel all of the love but when things go normal again will it have changed??? When you going to leave? Link to comment
paramour Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 well is it really your fault or are you giving in because you care about her. You need to look past the depression of the break up and realize if this is something you want.. Of course right now cause you miss her you feel all of the love but when things go normal again will it have changed??? When you going to leave? people, im in love with this girl. ive seen them all. this one is the best. no relationship is perfect. none. she was everything i always wanted. we had our bads, yeah. i care about her. its both our faults. she never admits to anything. ive always taken every single blow. i felt neglected too but still i love her. i might fly for $692 dollars one way or bring a back pack and drive in my trans am this is something i want to do. the pain i feel is so hard to describe, i dont wish it upon anybody, but even then im still crazy about this woman. being away made me grow and realise * * * * . she helped me realize what an ass i was. i know better now. but shes afraid to give one more chance cause shes afraid ill * * * * up again Link to comment
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