I'm Jealous of his relationship with his sisters

[Karibo]

Hiya,

 

Ive been dating a guy for a few months now and we are very happy together. He is very close to his older sisters and it just makes me feel envious and sad because I don't feel close to my family at all. I wish I had that closeness with my own family.

 

Also he likes to spend ALOT of time with them. Sometimes I get annoyed because when we've arranged things he will sometimes invite them along too, which is fine, but recently it's been alot.

 

They are very close, but at the same time I think they are a bit too dependant on each other. They fight for each other's attention quite a bit so whilst that is going on I kinda feel left out sometimes, like i'm the third wheel. He doesn't mean to make me feel this way, but sometimes they are so wrapped up in trying to compete for attention that he doesn't realise.

 

They don't really have many friends outside of each other, so I think they hang out so much because they aren't used to seeing friends. They are VERY welcoming and have made me feel like part of the family, but sometimes I just get fed up with their power battles that I feel like a lemon.

 

Basically he is the youngest and they spoil him rotten so thats why he wants to be round them so much. I think he just likes to feel their love so much because he's grown up being bullied and not feeling like people would like him and his sisters clearly love him unconditionally.

 

I suppose part of me is jealous too because they take his attention away from me at times, but at least I can see what i'm feeling in order to not become needy. In fact, I kinda feel like I want to back off a little. I think, like his sisters he is taking me for granted a bit because he thinks that just like them, I will always be there for him. That's because he has almost made me an extended part of the family because I am there so much. I think I need to not spend quite so much time with him. It almost feels like i'm a bit too close to the family, like i'm not just dating him, but i'm dating his sisters and his mum and dad.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Haha. To be honest that's kind of my wish (I think). To someday be so close to my bf that his family loves me and I am just kind of "part of the family."

I don't get it fully though: if you spend so much time there then how can you not have enough time with him? Or is it that they are just alwayssssssss around?

 

I would maybe just try saying "honey.. let's go out on a proper date tonight. Just you and me." Be glad he is so close with his older sisters. I think chances are higher he is more in tune with womens feelings and used to PMS haha.

I get what you mean about feeling a bit jealous. I felt that way but about my bf and his childhood friends when we just started dating. Seeing how close he was with them made me long for having close friends.. like a tight knitgroup. And b/c they where HIS friends (even though he referred to them as "now they are your friends too") I always felt like I wanted to be alone with him more and was like "meh.. ok.. we'll go out with them againnn..." But now I realllly miss them being around. It was lods of fun thinking back, having a group to go out with and do stuff.

I know it's hard to see at the moment but to me it made things even more fun and exciting with more people around to do stuff with.

 

Or.. Maybe you could go out with the sisters and him and towards the end you 2 just hang out together and cuddle, kiss, and bond alone.

[Karibo]

Thank you for yuor response. You have made me feel lots better. Yes I should be grateful and I know that I am very very lucky - I think mainly it's a combination of feeling my own sadness that I wish I was that close with my brother and that I felt a bit left out today because he was showing me a little less affection than normal because he was busy talking to them too. I just think that today was a bit overkill on family time for ME because I was there all day with them and feeling this way.

 

"Be glad he is so close with his older sisters. I think chances are higher he is more in tune with womens feelings and used to PMS haha." Haha yes this is definitely true! When I get stressed sometimes he tells me it's okay coz he's used to his sisters going funny during PMT! He is very in tune with women too which is great because he's very open to talking and stuff.

 

I think today I just wanted to get away from it all because I was upset.

 

Yes I can see now that it does add more interest into the relationship to include others. I have also arranged a date night for this week!

 

Thank you

[soulmeetsbody]

I totally understand! I felt uncomfortable when I first met my bf's friends and family. I thought maybe I just didn't like them, or 'click' but I realized seeing him being part of these two tight knit groups make me feel sad because I don't have a big group of friends I've known for years and I don't have as many brothers and sisters, and my family is spread all around the world. Having a serious bf was my first opportunity to really see 'how it's like' in another family and I started comparing with mine...I found it so strange and amazing at the same time, having sisters and brothers that he's sooo close to. When his sister was caressing his cheeks I felt weird!! But yeah I guess I was surprised, because we never kiss or hug in my family.

 

 

His sister was jealous of me a bit, I could feel it. They will start LIVING together for a bit (he doesnt want, but she's forcing him!) and it was really annoying me (she's very very different to us) but if I get to know her better, we could become friends, and it would bring me and my bf closer!

 

 

Gd luck

[Excalibur]

You're one of a harem.....and it's just that you're the only one of his adoring fans he's sleeping with.

[Karibo]

"You're one of a harem.....and it's just that you're the only one of his adoring fans he's sleeping with." Yes, that is what i'm afraid he will begin to see me as. that's why i want to keep my distance a bit so he can't take me for granted.

[trash mail]

grief.. he wants you to be part of his family because they are so important ot him.

 

There is nothing better then to be included in a family. There are so many people out there that wish to be included.

 

You sitting on the sideline and saying 'i dont want to be taken for granted' will only put stress in your relationship and make him realise that you may not be the one.

 

I thnk it is funny that a woman will want to become that center of a man life whilst the real ideal is that they are creating a family. You, him, your family and his family.

 

The issue is with you and your closeness, jealousyand possessiveness.

[AwdreeHpburn]

grief.. he wants you to be part of his family because they are so important ot him.

 

There is nothing better then to be invluded in a family. There are so many people out there that wish to be included.

 

You sitting on the sideline and saying 'i dont want to be taken for granted' will only put stress in your relationship and make him realise that you may not be the one.

 

I thnk it is funny that a woman will want to become that center of a man life whilst the real ideal is that they are creating a family. You, him, your family and his family.

 

The issue is with you and your closeness, jealousyand possessiveness.

 

 

Hear Hear! And I'll add over-analysing. Not meaning to be harsh here, but take it as a GOOD sign that he's close to his sisters. Means he will watch them be hurt an be sad for them, angry with them and will in turn, understand women a bit better.