I was doing fine now Iam all messed up again

[Vulcan800]

Ok , for those who have followed my whole stupid ordeal this is the latest and prob the last.

 

My ex who now has the new BF was apperently looking through the personal postings on a website and she found mine and responded with a smart joking like manner. She knew it was me.

 

We started to talk throguh e-mail and it was very nice.

 

I have been in NC with her for 2 months before this.

 

So we talked and ended up hangoing out to go shopping for furniture.

 

Well afterwards as we were puliing in to her apt she asked if there was anything I wanted to tell her. I said yes alot well we were talking about things and she invited me in to her apt.

 

Well one thing led to the next and we ended up messing around.

 

Afterwards she mentioned how she thought about us alot and asked if I did to?

 

Anyways the next 2 days we continued to talk through e-mail all was great we planed to go to the lake on sat. She even said she was going to tell her new bf that we were talking she said she didn't care and was going to tell him. The idea at this time was not for us to get back together but just talk to each other.

 

Well later that night she said he bf thought it was stupid that we talked.

She also commented on the night we messed around sayig "Can I tell you that what we did that night was really HOT"

 

So next day I commented back on how hot I thought it was when we messed around ect. I asked her if we were still going to the lake sat.

 

She replied "Nope cant talk can't hang out:

 

I was like what???

 

She said she had a chat with her bf

 

So I said are you kidding me this guy you have known what 2 months can tell you what to do or who to talk to I thought you were your own person. I said I have known you how long? you have lived with me and all that and he has that much influence on you now?

 

She replied I have to think about it

 

I said theres nothing to think about either you do or you don't

 

I said the fact that you even have to think about it I mean come on. I said the fact that he has an influence in you choice if you want to talk to me or not I said screw that.

 

So she replied with well, fine if we are going down this route again then forget it.

 

I said look just the other day you were cool about things and now you don't want to talk again.

 

I got no reply from her

 

I wrote her one more e-mail saying how could you just keep going on hurting me like that? You claim I hurt you so bad you won't talk to me about it but you can talk to him about it?

 

I said I thik I deserve at least to know what it was I did.

 

I told her you must know how I feel about you and I know you knew my intentions were to get close to you again. If you knew that you were not going to even try for anything why did you contact me in the first place? I left you alone you contacted me saying how cool it would be to get together and talk about stuff.

 

I told her how much pain do you want to cause me?

 

I told her how I still felt about her and how I thought that was really messed up that this guy shes known 2 months can have that much of an influence on her choices.

 

I told her well if your bf is all that and then some and if he is your freaking world now fine I don't want any part of that. If you want to talk to me it will be because YOU want to.

 

I told her I won't play second best ect. I said the Person I once knew is gone and I really despise this one.

 

I just said basically how much she did hurt me.

 

I got no reply from her.

 

 

Now Iam all screwed up again emotionaly.

 

I have read endless amounts on here as well as other topics and nothing is helping me.

 

I think logicaly and analiticaly thereforeee rational means make no sense to me.

I need facts answers.

 

I can't understand how someone can just be so cold heartless. it was if she could just turn on and off any feelings like a light switch going form yeah lets talk to no i cant.

 

I don't understand things like how could she mess around with me, sit there and say she thinks about us alot and then not want to be with me. If you are thinking about me and I think about you whats the problem?

 

I don't get how her new bf of only 2 months has that much power over her when she is a very independent person.

 

For me here is waht I struggle with and I know I need help.

 

Everyday alomst every moment I find myself missing her, thinking of, the thnigs we used to do our life as it was. I stuggle with this althe time.

Iam a simple kinda guy so I think about how our day would be. Like last night I went to the bar I normaly wouldn't do that but I sat there and thought if we were together rightnow I would be at home with her watching tv instead of beng at this bar.

 

I think about our life as it was going for bike rides eating dinner together doing the stupid things like going to wal-mart. The things I do now the streets I drive down only remind me of her.

 

The loneliness is kiling me. I find nothing comforting The pain is relentless

 

I have seen other girls and left with nothing buy emptiness or a stronger longingfor her.

 

She was perfect to me in so may ways.

 

Im scared I will never find anyone like her. Im so used to our routine and I don't like change.

 

I met a girl and she was telling me about her day and I was like that not what Iam used to and found myself being less than interested.

 

My thoughts are consumed that she is with her new bf at night while I lay here alone and in pain.

 

I feel angry that she doesn't even care or see how I hurt.

 

Its summer time here in Ohio and allthese things we used to do I have no excitment or sense of doing anything tomake me happy. There are allthese things to do around town and all I can think about is wishing I could be doing them with her.

 

I want to let go I want to just stop the pain and I know its in my headbut yet I can't seem to find any way of dealing with it.

 

I have taken meds Im going to see a therapist soon but even so I have my doubts.

 

I serriously never expeirenced a loss like this sure I had break ups and heart breaks before but never to this extent.

 

I consider myself a strong person and yet I can't shake this no matter what I do.

 

The thing that hurts the most is her how she could tae something lie our relationship which serriously was not that bad comapred to some of the stuff I read on here.

 

We just went through a rough spot no cheating or hitting or nothing major and i just don't get it

 

How can someone take a guy like me that yes I did screw up was not perfect but after realizing my mistakes get back with her and treat her like a godess did everything right was so good to her and wanting to build a future with her how can she just drop it all and walk away.

 

OH yes thats what hurts the most was the fact that we were talking about getting married. the first time in my life I actualy considered marrying and settling down. I got to the point where I was like YES you are the one I want to marry. I got into this mindset that yes m going to marry her.

 

So now I have this in my head that ok we are going to get married. Got her the ring and al that. Then BAm later on its done and she is with a new guy.

 

How does that happen? does she feel nothing?

 

why am I in pain and she is functioning. why is she being productive and Im having a hard time just gettin out of bed in the morning and doing homework for my classes.

 

How is it fair she is living and loving life when I just want to die.

how can she even go on thinking that hey I may never see or talk to him again and im ok when I sit here and can't stand the thought of never seeing her or talking to her again.

 

How do you spend time with someone and just drop them?

 

How can someone just be like yeah ok whatever and and wlak away without givingit a second thought

 

maybe she is hurt to, if she is I never knew because she never showed any emotion to anything.

 

I don't know how to reach her or get through to her I have tried talking to her. I told her to open up to me please talk to me about things. I wanted to listen. I wanted to know what she thought and everytime I asked her direct questions like how do you feel? what are you thinking? she would avoid it. That makes me feel like she doesn't want to face anything because she is so hurt or whatever and I feel bad because if I did that to her where she can't talk about things I feel like its my fault. andnow she has to trun to someone else to talk about things instead of me.

 

I always thought ANYTHING could be worked out and I feel helpless cause Im trying and she won't even talk to me about things that are bothering her but yet she can open up to her new bf that makes me feel like S**t

 

Now she is perfectly fine with out me. All I have are some memmeroies especialy the Canada trip we took last year which GOD that was the best vacation I ever had with someone we enjoyed it so much it was so perfect so great I never felt so much in love with anyone and enjoyed being with someone like that. I thought all i need was her the world didn't matter it was just her and I and it was perfect.

 

Now I just feel like it was wasted and a shame that at that time we were so strong and so complete and now we are not even in each others lives anymore.

 

How do you deal with that?

how do you erase the pain, the memories, the feelings, the guilt, the happines, sadness, lonliness, loss, the emptiness of life,

 

How do you replace her laughter? her smiles, her funny little ways,

 

How do you carry on without falling to pieces?

 

Im sorry this was so long it was more a rant or something its just how im feeling

[thejigsup]

She obviously did not feel as strongly as you did. I had the same thing happen to me when I was younger. It isn't very much fun, really. But it does teach you that you can't make someone feel the same way you do, no matter how much you care for them. This new knowledge will help you get over breakups in the future. She just didn't feel it anymore, and yes, that can happen. It may even happen to you some day. Give her some space to see if the new guy is the one, or you are the one, or it will be someone else. Personally, I learned to move on and enjoy my life without them. Would you mourn her if you knew you only had a short time left to live? NO, you would go out and have as much fun as you possibly could. Live your life that way. It's the only way to stay sane in this world.

[Vulcan800]

I sent her a few emails asking her back and telling her or explaining things.

 

I just don;t know whats wrong with me??

 

I feel this need to tell her things and thenit ends up where Im asking for her back.

 

I was in NC for awhile and once we contacted each other all the feelings came back and I go crazy again

[browneyedgirl36]

I sent her a few emails asking her back and telling her or explaining things.

 

I just don;t know whats wrong with me??

 

I feel this need to tell her things and thenit ends up where Im asking for her back.

 

I was in NC for awhile and once we contacted each other all the feelings came back and I go crazy again

 

This is why you need to stay NC for a good, long time-- at least several months, perhaps longer. You don't give yourself a chance to get some distance before contacting her again, so your emotions are all over the place when you do, and you contact her excessively wanting to talk to her about a relationship that is over, at least at this point. My understanding is that she is seeing someone else, right? Whether she's in love with the guy or not, whether she's having problems with him or not, she still has someone else, yet another good reason for you to back off and stop contacting her.

 

I'm sure you've read a lot of the posts on here wherein people have stated that contacting their exes repeatedly only pushed the ex further away, right? If you keep contacting her wanting to talk about what happened, begging her back, etc., you will push her further and further away.

[hennypenny3288]

browneyedgirl, how about if you contact the ex just to stay friends and have friendly conversation on a monthly basis? How do you think the ex perceives that?

[browneyedgirl36]

browneyedgirl, how about if you contact the ex just to stay friends and have friendly conversation on a monthly basis? How do you think the ex perceives that?

 

I think it really depends on the situation. In the original poster's case, I don't think it's a good idea that he contact her at all. Whenever they communicate, it seems to go badly.

 

I really think it depends on a lot of factors -- how it ended, who ended it, whether the ex is dating someone else, etc. Personally, I think if they're seeing someone else, especially if it's serious, contacting them even on a "friendly" basis is probably not a good idea. It could be perceived as chasing them, trying to get them back, etc.

 

I'm not against exes being friends in all cases -- I think it depends on the situation. I can't be friends with mine, at this point, because he has someone else, and it's too hard on me. At some point, maybe if I find someone else and am happy with that new person, ex and I can be friends. Right now, even contacting him on a "friendly" basis would upset me. Plus, I'm not sure how his girlfriend would feel if she knew about it, and I don't want to stir up anything between them.