Anyone broken up with some person twice ?

[tushboy]

Just wanted a perspective..is the second time much harder to recover ? I've been dumped by my guy twice...in the past he left me for his ex, and now he left me again over a small argument. Just wanted to know has anyone had break ups with 3-4 month periods with the same person ? How did you deal with it the second time around....did the person come back to you despite the second break up ??

[hers]

My ex and I broke up a good 8 times. It was always him breaking up with me. It hurts every time.

 

You'll be ok. It hurts now, but it gets better. Cliche, I know. But true.

[tushboy]

My ex and I broke up a good 8 times. It was always him breaking up with me. It hurts every time.

 

You'll be ok. It hurts now, but it gets better. Cliche, I know. But true.

 

8 times ??????? good lord...how did you survive ? I am coping with my second break up so badly...how could you go thru 8 ?

[hers]

It was codependency on both our ends. We loved each other, but for the wrong reasons. I don't know if it was really 8, but it was quite a few times. It really sucked and it hurt both of us, but we just kept doing it, like we wanted to hurt each other more. I don't know if thats true on his end, but it certainly felt that way on mine. We've both moved on but it still sucks that it happened.

[tushboy]

Sometimes I feel the more you break up with the same guy, the more you feel connected to the same person. After all, if you hit the lowest low with someone you hit the highest high...its like you've come a full circle.

[hers]

Sometimes I feel the more you break up with the same guy, the more you feel connected to the same person. After all, if you hit the lowest low with someone you hit the highest high...its like you've come a full circle.

 

Ain't that the truth...

[audrey28]

i don't even visit this part of the forum anymore bec i don't think i am getting back together with the ex....correction, i know it is a bad idea to get back together with the ex. anyway i saw your post and this is what i have to say. my ex and i have broken up many many times i lost track already. each time, there was a lot of drama, and every time we got back together, i would feel this relief. in retrospect it seems very clear that i was addicted to the relationship. my advice: if the same thing has happened before, you can be very sure that it will happen again. on-again-off-again relationships are not healthy. get out of it and work on yourself. find out why u let yourself stay in such an unpleasant situation.

[hers]

excellent insight, audrey!

[musashi]

My ex broke up with me in October. It was totally out of the blue. We were temporarily in a LDR and were madly in love with each other. She said that she "did not feel the same way about me anymore". I was devestated. I went into immediate NC, blocked her number from my phone and started to move on with my life. It was hard as hell but I was well on my way to healing. Started making new friends, reuniting with old ones, going to the gym, etc. Two months later she calls me - from a different number as I had her other one blocked - and tells me how much she has missed me. She said that she cried herself to sleep every night, spent all day riding around listening to CDs I had made her and crying, everyplace she went reminded me of her, etc. I was shocked to learn that she was taking the BU so hard. Probably harder than I had. She said "if I could be dating anyone right now, it would be you". She was under alot of pressure from her church and work. I found out that she was financially broke when she broke up with me so that had alot to do with it. We tentativley got back together with promises to not date anyone else. We started making trips to see each other every weekend again and got back into pre-breakup routines of calling each other and sharing our days events. She sent me a belated Christmas gift and a gift on valentine's day which was very sweet and thoughtful.

 

March 16th she calls me and, out of the blue, tells me that she has found someone that she is "interested in pursuing a relationship with". I was devestated once again. I have been in NC since and have not heard a word from her. I did receive an email a week after she broke up with me as a "closure" email where she tried to explain her feelings. She said that, even though I was perfect she did not feel that I was "the one".

 

I can honestly say that the second breakup was the worst. I have practically been a recluse since. For the first month and a half I did nothing but lay around and feel sorry for myself. I quit going to the gym, quite working on my novel, started drinking too much, smoking too much, and am still in a state of depression. It has only been in the past couple of weeks that I have had any good days. Now I have found out that she has been checking my myspace page almost daily and she has posted a picture I took of her on the day that I proposed to her. Her status says single and there is no mention anywhere of this new guy. It has thrown me back into a state of hope and, along with the hope, depression.

 

I do not know if she is going to try and make contact again or if there is any hope for reconciliation. I do know that she would have to jump through some serious hoops before I would let her back into my life this time.

[dqueen]

Yes. I can't tell you how many times my e and I broke up! We kept going back and forth for months...but only 2 of the break-ups were serious and I can honestly not tell you which is worse.

[tushboy]

Does this mean that the more you break up with a person, the more likely are they to come back ? I made a mistake when I took my ex back immedieately after the first break up...this time around if he chooses to come back he will definitely have to prove his love to me. I am tired of giving everything served on a platter to him. I definitely want to move on.

[hopefulgal1981]

Same here...I've had 6-8 breaks ups....it was my ex doing it each time....he would get upset about something and just leave and sever all contact with me...then about a week later he always called me back to appologize.....This went on for a year....at first he did it about 1 time every 2 months or so...this past month was twice! ......Each time felt just as bad as the first time.

 

On about May 9th, he left a really long letter at my apartment....it was a breakup letter saying that he'd blocked my # and told me to not contact him...(he got mad when he called me up from work and wanted to come over on his break....I told him sure....at the time one of my friends was over changing out the video card on my computer....I didn't see anything wrong with the situation.....my ex came in and immediately left....he left the letter the next day).....Anyway,, in attempts to fine out what was going on I called his two best friends....One of them wouldn't talk to me but the other agreed to come over as long as he didn't have to answer uncomfortable questions......This is also the guy my ex went to for relationship advice. ......After I pined over my ex for about 2 hrs....his best friend started to make moved on me........I utterly regret this now...but at the time I felt soo hurt and rejected....plus my ex had been repeatedly leaving me for around a year now....I really thought that it was for good this time since he left a letter and blocked my number.....anyway, out of a moment of weakness, I slept with his best friend....Before anything happened...as soon as he started to flirt with me I asked him about how my ex would react. He said that my ex did not have any right to be upset since he was the one who kept leaving me....he also assured me that his and my ex's friendship would be ok......I have never had a one night stand before......To be honest...what I did was horible...at the time it made me feel good to be desired and wanted...even if it was just for the night....my ex had me feeling rejected and disposable...my ex came back about a week later...we made up...and I decided to not mention what me and his friend had done (I did tell his friend that I was back with my ex and wanted to make it work)....

\

anyway, we were together for about a week and then my ex hacked into my school email account and read an email from a friend (who I later found out was in love with me) stating that I should tell my ex about the experince with his friend.....well, my ex went A-wall.........but then cooled off

 

It has been two weeks and I haven't heard from him....His friend still talks to me and is currious about persuing a relationship with me (but I told him that it wouldn't be fair to him as long as I am still inlove with my ex).......

 

I'm at loss of what to do....I really love my ex and want to make it work.....I have never cheated on him and would never cheat on him.......but I think that I've hurt him too bad for him to come back....

 

Any advice?

[tushboy]

Your ex definitely seems to need some cooling off time....and if you know his past record of leaving and coming back all the time....then you know he'll do it again...till then you can concentrate on YOU

[undercover007]

My bf has broken up with me like 100 times. Nah i dont know.. i really did lose count.. but we've had countless breakups and makeups. At one point, he broke up with me every month.. it would last for couple days.. or a week.. but it was heartbreaking every single time. In fact, he broke up with me couple days ago.. but we just go back together heh.

[tushboy]

So during these multiple break ups...do you go NC..or do u keep tryin to pursue the person to come back ? ...there's such a big difference...sometimes they dump u and don't come back for years...sometimes they come back in weeks/months....I guess every situation is different from the other.

[undercover007]

So during these multiple break ups...do you go NC..or do u keep tryin to pursue the person to come back ? ...there's such a big difference...sometimes they dump u and don't come back for years...sometimes they come back in weeks/months....I guess every situation is different from the other.

 

It's weird.. now that I think of it.. each break up we had, i was always chasing after him.. crying, begging him back, showing up at his house.. ive done it all. I was that "crazy psycho ex gf" i guess u could say. I'd call him over n over until he would answer, id text him like crazy.. and of course all of this would just make him even more mad and push him further away. For some some reason, i always think that if i show him how much i love him and how im not giving up on him, he will realize that i really am the one for him and that he will come back. Despite all the crazy stuff i did, he eventually would come around and give me "another chance." Some of it was probably cause he felt bad, other times was really cause i think he realized that he loved me and missed me. There was one break up where it lasted for almost a month (longest ever), and I seriously thought it was the end.. i did the whole begging crying thing but he said it was over for good and to never talk to him again. I was an emotional wreck that month i almost wanted to drop out of school. I was like a zombie.. but i finally decided to do no contact cause there was no other choice. I guess it worked cause he started to wonder why i wasnt calling him and he hadnt heard from me in awhile which was a shock to him i guess. He called me and we ended up working things out. I dunno my method i guess is to pursue them to come back and show them how much u love them.. and then go into no contact. Probably not the best way.. but i just have a hard time going no contact competely in the beginning.

[audrey28]

guys, i found a website with useful articles that really helped me. please read this and realize that on-and-off relationships are unhealthy and not the way to live!!!

 

i have finally ended it with my ex. i miss him and the good times we had, but i also know with full certainty that i deserve to be happy.

 

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on-and-off relationships usually also indicate unhealthy co-dependency:

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[tushboy]

Day by day I am realising it's not so much that am missing him.....but it's the hurt of being dumped by the same guy twice.....I guess its my self esteem that's taken a battering....I don't know what turn life will take, but I know that the tables will turn some day.

[audrey28]

I think people like me who have been in make-up-to-break-up cycles should seriously consider working 12-step programs or seeing a therapist.

 

I posted a thread on love addiction at

 

I feel I owe it to everybody to share the insight. Otherwise, we will go back to the same behavior, possibly go back to the same partner, or in the future choose another partner but basically have the same type of relationship.

[katestcyr1]

you know, in my experience, it was easier the 2nd time. My boyfriend and I broke up once for 2 days and it sucked so we caved and got back together. However, we werent ready and tried to force it and it didnt work. So after 3 months or so we got broke up again and it was like no communication then a little friendship blossomed. Anyway, in the 2nd break up (which was 10 days) i felt really lonely but it gave me some time (which i hadnt had in 2 years) to work on myself. Plus I was tired of all teh emotional baggage of the relationship. However, he figured out what he needed to figure out and came to me to really commit. I hope healing goes well for you, good luck!

[thouse]

Sometimes I feel the more you break up with the same guy, the more you feel connected to the same person. After all, if you hit the lowest low with someone you hit the highest high...its like you've come a full circle.

The way I look at it the more you break up the more immune to it you become and the less you care, atleast that's how it was for me. We have broken up maybe 3 times and each time it got easier for me.

[Taylor527]

My ex and I had a period from like 6 months - 1 year that we broke up 4 times in... It was when we started to get serious and over the "new love" phase.

 

I think its normal for an unhealthy relationship but not common for a healthy one.

[Taylor527]

The way I look at it the more you break up the more immune to it you become and the less you care, atleast that's how it was for me. We have broken up maybe 3 times and each time it got easier for me.

 

I agree with this statement. I think its because you have that in the back of your head so you don't get attached as much.. its like a little bit less because you have built your wall up a little higher...

 

I think thats why I'm doing so good now... I've always prepared myself for this.