Guys- Question About HOT girl "friends"

[tangi39]

There was debate going on in another thread- that lead to me to want to ask guys two questions about Hot girls and friendship.

 

Ladies, you can answer if you want- but I'm really looking for guys opinions here.

 

Men, please be honest with your answers.

 

Please note- Both of these are JUST about Friendship !

 

What if you met a woman who you found INSANELY HOT- and were MEGA attracted to her, but she was taken. And there was NO possiblity you'd EVER get together, have sex, or that she'd ever be interested in you romantically, Ever. But you quite a bit in common, would you want to be "just friends" with her ? And you'd be fine with her hanging out alone, cuddling, etc. EVERYTHING basically except sex that you would never- ever, get.

 

Would you be fine with just being a friend ? Or would you always secretly hope for more ?

 

Conversely, would you be friends with a woman you had things in common with but found extremely unattractive ? Go out together (as friends) ? Spend time together in groups of your friends ?

 

Would you feel differently if she was hoping for more ?

 

I'm very interested to hear your opinions, please be honest. I'm asking to get real feedback not to judge one way or other.

[jettison]

I am friends with women of whom I find very attractive, and we're just friends. I wouldn't jeopordize I friendship with anything more 99% of the time, and would only consider doing so if they made our friendship something more at some point, or if they hinted that that was what they wanted.

 

I am also friends with a few women that I don't find even remotely attractive. And really, it's great having them as friends because we share common interests, passions, and temperments.

 

IMVHO, you should look at women just as people, and not as "someone I could potentially bang". And then, through your interactions with that person, something may grow into a romantic love or it may not, but don't take steps to make that happen if you've already developed a friendship. You'll both know it if there is something more to it.

[riley123]

If we had similar interests then I would be interested in friendship regardless of her looks. I would never pursue a friendship with an attractive and unavailable girl if we had nothing in common. And I don't know too many guys who "cuddle" with their hot and unavailable friends. LOL

 

However, if there was a strong very strong attraction and we share mutual interests then I would probably have thoughts about having a relationship. I think that’s natural.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

female bisexual input - I've had female friends I found very hot, but I wouldnt be in a relationship with because we weren't compatible, and that was often apparent.

[tangi39]

 

IMVHO, you should look at women just as people, and not as "someone I could potentially bang". And then, through your interactions with that person, something may grow into a romantic love or it may not, but don't take steps to make that happen if you've already developed a friendship. You'll both know it if there is something more to it.

 

Just to make myself clear. I am a woman and I am asking to get guys opinions on if looks play any role in who they are friends with or not.

And if strong attraction exists if it is possible to remain friends.

 

I know some guys that say it does , and other that say it doesn't. I've met guys in my life who I know who've been attracted to me, but I've said -

"We will never have sex but can be friends" who have split before the sentence even left my lips. I have met LOTS of men in my life who I've just been "The girl he could potentially bang" so it does happen.

 

We all know what people "should " do or what is socially acceptable, etc.

(The PC answer) but I want to hear from personal experiences.

 

I tend to think people - Not just men, women too- tend to respond more to people they find attractive. I just think it's human nature.

 

I guess I want to find out if most guys here find this to be true or completely false.

 

I'm asking because there was a big debate about the "Can friends who are attracted or one person is attracted to the other really be just friends"

 

So I'm curious to hear people's expereinces with this.

[Blue Streak]

First off I would not be cuddling with someone that is taken!!!! If I were MEGA attracted to a women that was taken and I was not taken, I think I would find myself probably growing too close to her for any good to come out of it in the long run. If you can control your emotions, be mature about the relationship and keep it 100% platonic, it may be doable.

 

This happened to me last year when I was playing tennis quite often with a really hot chick that was married. The tennis was great but I found it really hard to not be attracted to her in those tight clothes she wore!!!

[NorthDallas40]

And I don't know too many guys who "cuddle" with their hot and unavailable friends.

 

Yeah that's weird. I have several hot and unavailable female friends and cuddling is definitely not in the equation.

 

 

What if you met a woman who you found INSANELY HOT- would you want to be "just friends" with her ?

 

Yes. She'd be a great wingman.

 

Would you be fine with just being a friend ?

 

Yes. I've been fine with being "just friends" with hot women all my life. Unfortunately. :splat:

 

Or would you always secretly hope for more ?

 

Of course. Doesn't mean you have to act on it or let it rule your life.

 

would you be friends with a woman you had things in common with but found extremely unattractive ?

 

Yes. I already am.

 

Go out together (as friends) ?

 

Of course.

 

Spend time together in groups of your friends ?

 

Sure.

 

Would you feel differently if she was hoping for more ?

 

Yep. This happened to me recently. I met a girl, we had a lot in common with herl, I wasn't attracted but did like her, but it was obvious she wanted to take it further and emailed me about hanging out more often. I replied "Yeah! When my friends and I go out and do something fun, I'll let you know." I never did, and I haven't heard from her since. Oh well.

[tangi39]

year when I was playing tennis quite often with a really hot chick that was married. The tennis was great but I found it really hard to not be attracted to her in those tight clothes she wore!!!

 

And would you able to see her in a non sexual way ? Or would you just want to remove yourself from the situation ?

[richmonder80]

Would you be fine with just being a friend ?

 

No, I would not be fine

 

Or would you always secretly hope for more ?

 

I wouldn't secretly hope, I would at least make a move on her to let her know of how I feel (even if that would end the friendship)

 

Conversely, would you be friends with a woman you had things in common with but found extremely unattractive ? Go out together (as friends) ?

 

Yes, I would go out with them because she is a friend...attractiveness is not my concern in picking my friends.

 

Spend time together in groups of your friends ?

 

Yes.

 

Would you feel differently if she was hoping for more ?

 

No, I would not date anyone that Im not attraction to (key here is my attraction to her and not what other's think of her looks). If I think she is unattractive, then no I would not date her even if she was head overhills for me.

[tangi39]

 

 

Of course. Doesn't mean you have to act on it or let it rule your life.

 

 

Of course not and not that you ever would, either.

But thank you for your honesty on this one !

 

 

 

 

Yep. This happened to me recently. I met a girl, we had a lot in common with herl, I wasn't attracted but did like her, but it was obvious she wanted to take it further and emailed me about hanging out more often. I replied "Yeah! When my friends and I go out and do something fun, I'll let you know." I never did, and I haven't heard from her since. Oh well.

 

See, that's why I think attraction can sometimes become tricky in friendships.

I mean, if it's obvious what do you do ?

[tangi39]

Would you feel differently if she was hoping for more ?

 

No, I would not date anyone that Im not attraction to (key here is my attraction to her and not what other's think of her looks). If I think she is unattractive, then no I would not date her even if she was head overhills for me.

 

But what about being friends ? If you knew she was strongly attracted to you and secretly hoped for more ? Would you still be able to maintain a close friendship ?

[richmonder80]

But what about being friends ? If you knew she was strongly attracted to you and secretly hoped for more ? Would you still be able to maintain a close friendship ?

 

No, because I would feel like I could be leading her on, even after having the talk with her about it.

 

Attraction ruins a lot of friendships...it's just the way it is.

 

If you look at every friendship all around...there are numerous people who are secretly in love with their best friend and when the truth comes out it changes the dynamics of the relationship whether the feelings are mutual or not.

[richmonder80]

would you be able stay "just as close" when you found out he was head over hills and you just couldn't see that you guys could be together? I don't think that would be possible because in the back of your head you are thinking to yourself..."if i continue to have this friendship as close as I did, he might end up thinking I feel the same way about him and he does about me" so, you start distancing yourself from him so that you dont end up hurting him. It's our natural defense mechanism. That is why when someone who you are not attracted to pursues you strongly the repulsion gets stronger.

[Aviatormy]

What if you met a woman who you found INSANELY HOT- and were MEGA attracted to her, but she was taken. And there was NO possiblity you'd EVER get together, have sex, or that she'd ever be interested in you romantically, Ever. But you quite a bit in common, would you want to be "just friends" with her ? And you'd be fine with her hanging out alone, cuddling, etc. EVERYTHING basically except sex that you would never- ever, get.

 

This question is obsurd. Why on earth would you even attempt to "cuddle/be alone" with this girl KNOWING that she is taken? My answer to this is NO. I dont care if I knew her significant other or not, the fact that she would be willing to cuddle or spend time alone with me would turn me away from her immediately. I have no time for women that are involved with another man and openly "cuddle" with other men. That could potentially lead to sex.

 

I have been in a situation before where I was dating a girl that didn't tell me that she had a BF. She didn't mention him until after we had already been intimate with each other. I was very upset and when she went to the bathroom I looked in her cell phone and got her BF's number (she had told me his name.

 

I later called him and told him that I had been seeing his GF for the past month and I had no idea that she was with him until that evening. He was upset with her and thanked me for being upfront with him. I do not know if they worked things out because I stopped talking to her after I had left her house. I sure hope he dumped her flat on her face and never spoke to her again. She was very very hot though.

 

Now if it were a girl that I thought was very attractive and she was single... Then I would have no problem at all being just friends because even though a girl might not want you at that point in time... she may develope feelings towards you later on. Most relationships start off that way anyways.

 

Would you be fine with just being a friend ? Or would you always secretly hope for more ?

 

Yes I would be perfectly fine just being friends with her for as long as she was a good friend. I would never keep a girl as a friend based on her looks. I don't care how "attractive" or "Hot" a girl is, if she is a Biatch, I would drop her like a bad habit.

 

Conversely, would you be friends with a woman you had things in common with but found extremely unattractive ? Go out together (as friends) ? Spend time together in groups of your friends ?

 

Yes! I do not discriminate people based on looks. If she were extremely unattractive to me, it doesn't mean that she is not attractive in another mans eyes. I have a lot of girl friends that I find unattractive and a lot of girl friends that I find very attractive but non of them even compare to the way I see my current GF so it does not matter. They are just friends.

 

Would you feel differently if she was hoping for more ?

 

The only way that I would feel differently about the friendship is if she brought up the fact that she wanted more and kept on persuing it. If she tells me that she would like to take it past friendship, I would be honest and tell her "You are a great friend to me and I would not consider a relationship with you". If she respected my decision then it would have zero effect on our friendship. If she was persistent about it, constantly sad or she interfered with me and my GF's relationship because of it... Then I would drop her like a bad habit as well.

[NorthDallas40]

See, that's why I think attraction can sometimes become tricky in friendships.

I mean, if it's obvious what do you do ?

 

If you're not good friends already, one or both people can just let the friendship go. Who cares.

 

But if you're good friends already and the subject comes up, then it's on the person who is "admired" to say "I like you as a friend, but that's all. Don't bring it up again and we can continue being friends," and it's on the "admirer" to be mature and deal with it. I've been on both sides of this fence many times and it's always worked out fine.

[richmonder80]

Aviatormy has a very good point

[tangi39]

 

Attraction ruins a lot of friendships...it's just the way it is.

 

If you look at every friendship all around...there are numerous people who are secretly in love with their best friend and when the truth comes out it changes the dynamics of the relationship whether the feelings are mutual or not.

 

Thank you for your answer. Yes, I completely agree with you.

That's exactly why I started this thread. I think attraction plays a huge part in friendship with all different scenarios whether people admit it, don't see it or don't accept it, etc. I think 9 times out of ten one person is always secretly attracted to another (or not so secretly as the case may be)

I think if attraction was removed it would effect a large part of some friendships.

[tangi39]

This question is obsurd. Why on earth would you even attempt to "cuddle/be alone" with this girl KNOWING that she is taken?

 

I know it seems absurd, but I've seen it happen again and again and again with people claiming to be "just friends"

 

It happened to me once with an ex of mine cuddling with another girl he was "just friends" with. The whole sitting next to each other with her head on his shoulder. He told me I was being ridiculous and that close friends do this- it does not mean you're attracted to each other, etc.

He ended up leaving me for her.

[cfcommunist]

you may have seen my other thread, nearly ALL my friend are female.. it just kinda happened that way. i don't think it's an issue of their appearance. And i have both going on... My very best friend of them all is Tiffany, and she is INSANELY beautiful, but we're both spoken for and thats fine. (She's also a very good shot with a rifle). On the other end I have another close friend named Natasha, and i don't find her AT ALL attractive in the physical sense, but she has a really nice personality and is fun to be around. either situation it makes no difference. They are both really great friends, and I love them AS FRIENDS. I know it, my wife knows it, and they Know it. So no i don't think there is anything wrong with being "just friends" with "hot girls".

[Superfreak]

I'd be friends but I'd really be mindful about keeping my distance and never letting her use me. I'd try to get her to introduce me to her social circle (hot tends to hang with hot) but I'd never develop a very close relationship with her.

 

At least that's how theoretically I'd have it. In reality I'd probably become friends then just drop her once I realized nothing was going to come of it.

[tangi39]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, either.

 

I just think there are some people who have a hard time being friends with people they either find extremely attractive or that find them extremely attractive.

[Aviatormy]

I know it seems absurd, but I've seen it happen again and again and again with people claiming to be "just friends"

 

It happened to me once with an ex of mine cuddling with another girl he was "just friends" with. The whole sitting next to each other with her head on his shoulder. He told me I was being ridiculous and that close friends do this- it does not mean you're attracted to each other, etc.

He ended up leaving me for her.

 

 

Exactly! I am sorry this happened to you. If a man or a woman is involved in a relationship then "cuddling" with the opposite sex is not a friendship kinda action.

 

If you are single and are cuddling with somone of the opposite sex, you must have some kind of attraction towards them.

 

The only time I have "cuddled" with someone of the opposite sex that I did not have an attraction towards was immediately after I had a really bad break up with my ex. I wouldn't even call it cuddling because I was just leaning on her shoulder for support. I was in shambles. ABSOLUTELY no intentions of being with her physically.

 

If someone is in a relationship with their significant other and they need emotional support from a friend or family memeber then I believe that it is ok for as long as they do not have any kind of attraction towards this person. If you have a SO that may have feeling for a friend of the opposite sex, that friendship should be terminated if your SO really truly loves you. NO EXCEPTIONS.

[tangi39]

My friends are mostly male and I've heard all of their opinions on the subject.

 

Some say it's possible- Some say no- Some say it depends on the girl and if she'd want something more

 

I know I've had a few guy friends that I found out were secretly attracted to me and when I found out it was hard to remain friends.

I was always worried they'd take a hug, a kiss on the cheek or a friendly comment the wrong way.

 

In the end 1 got over me and we stayed friends and the other two I could not remain friends with because they kept harboring hope even though I'm happily married and I asked them to stop hoping for me if they wanted to be friends.

[Blue Streak]

And would you able to see her in a non sexual way ? Or would you just want to remove yourself from the situation ?

 

I had to force myself to see her in a non sexual way as we needed to practice together. Had it been a less important situation than tennis, I would definitely have removed myself.

[tangi39]

Exactly! I am sorry this happened to you. If a man or a woman is involved in a relationship then "cuddling" with the opposite sex is not a friendship kinda action.

 

.

 

Thank you ! It's okay. I learned from it and am now happily married.

This is now why I roll my eyes when I hear people say "I love my spouse. Cuddling with this other person was just a friendship thing"