ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I don't know what to do. I miss my ex very much, even though I know that we probably cannot get back together. We talked last night and I ended up very upset. We broke up 6 months ago, but tried to be together for the past couple of months. The same problems are still there and I have no idea if they can ever be resolved. He says that he loves me, but the fact remains that he cheated on me, so I cannot trust him. As far as I know this ruins a relationship. I just don't know what to do. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 He just sent me an email telling me that he misses me but that he likes his freedom. I guess I should let go, but it is so difficult to concentrate on anything. Link to comment
EQD Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 you already answered your question "The same problems are still there and I have no idea if they can ever be resolved. He says that he loves me, but the fact remains that he cheated on me, so I cannot trust him. As far as I know this ruins a relationship." sounds like its run its course. time to move on and start healing. Link to comment
EQD Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 i think the quote from the postal service says it best "You know i won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures" which basically means you can't heal unless the wound is left alone. go NC. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 what post office says that? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 i think the quote from the postal service says it best "You know i won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures" which basically means you can't heal unless the wound is left alone. go NC. Yup, that is best. I am a basketcase right now because it just hit me that things are over. When we broke up in December, it was easy. I had a lot of anger. Now it is sadness. Well, that is supposed to be the last stage of grief so I hope I will feel better soon. I just don't know how to get through the next few days, weeks, etc. Link to comment
EQD Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 well respiration will usually get you through anything. you know.. the breathe in breathe out part.. all the rest falls into place. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - you are bound to feel set right back again but you know deep down that you are doing the right thing here. Try and take things a day at a time right now - feel sad when you need to but do not contact him whatever you do because you'll keep setting yourself back again. Come back on here like you have been and share with us how you are doing - ok? It will seem hard at first - but give this a few days and things will start to feel a little better. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - you are bound to feel set right back again but you know deep down that you are doing the right thing here. Try and take things a day at a time right now - feel sad when you need to but do not contact him whatever you do because you'll keep setting yourself back again. Come back on here like you have been and share with us how you are doing - ok? It will seem hard at first - but give this a few days and things will start to feel a little better. Mark I know rationally what I must do, but emotionally I am a wreck right now. I am at work and I cannot focus on anything. Luckily my workload is light today. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I know - I know - it is as hard as hell early on. Do you have a good relationship with your boss? If you do, it wouldn't hurt to let him/her know you are having a tough time of it right now. You will get to the point where you are grateful to be busy at work because it will help take your mind off things. I even ended up working weekends to keep myself busy - gawd, I must have been a basket case! The good news is that this can only get better. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I know - I know - it is as hard as hell early on. Do you have a good relationship with your boss? If you do, it wouldn't hurt to let him/her know you are having a tough time of it right now. You will get to the point where you are grateful to be busy at work because it will help take your mind off things. I even ended up working weekends to keep myself busy - gawd, I must have been a basket case! The good news is that this can only get better. Mark I am just a temp, so my contract is ending in a couple of weeks, then I have to find another assignment. This is a bad time for me all around. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Have you started looking for something else already? You have to do everything you can to help yourself along here. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Have you started looking for something else already? You have to do everything you can to help yourself along here. Mark I am too upset right now, and crying in my office to do anything constructive. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 He emailed me this morning and talked to me on the phone, but now he is ignoring me. I know that I have to accept this and go no contact. I am the one that broke up with him in the first place, so I don't understand why I am so upset now. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - you do have to ignore him as much as possible because it will hurt hurt hurt and you will stay in this sucky place - who wants that. I think the reason that you are more upset this time is that you really know in your mind that this is over this time - the finality of the situation. The fact is that you tried to make it work but he didn't think it worthwhile to make any changes. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - you do have to ignore him as much as possible because it will hurt hurt hurt and you will stay in this sucky place - who wants that. I think the reason that you are more upset this time is that you really know in your mind that this is over this time - the finality of the situation. The fact is that you tried to make it work but he didn't think it worthwhile to make any changes. Mark Well, I cannot put the blame totally on him, but at the same time...I was always the one making an effort to change. He just sent me another email telling me that I should not act as if he led me on. I never accused him of that. I chose to be in a relationship with him. Now, I have to accept the fact that it is over. That is the most difficult part for me. He is not the type to move on, so I have to be strong enough to move on. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 It is good that you recognise that you were not blameless in this but you made the effort to try and change whilst he chose not to. It is always hard to accept that it is over - but read back through your earlier posts - you are worth much more than he can offer you. You do need to find some inner strength - that will come in the coming days once the shock that it is over starts to fade away. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I know that I must be strong. These first few hours are the toughest for me. I am very persistent and I try to make things work, even long after most people give up. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Well - persistence is not always a good thing! You are gonna be ok - keep on telling yourself that. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I wonder if I will ever meet anyone that I can get along with. I am getting older and it is not getting easier. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 How old are you hun, if you don't mind me asking? Link to comment
micro Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - you are bound to feel set right back again but you know deep down that you are doing the right thing here. Try and take things a day at a time right now - feel sad when you need to but do not contact him whatever you do because you'll keep setting yourself back again. Come back on here like you have been and share with us how you are doing - ok? It will seem hard at first - but give this a few days and things will start to feel a little better. Mark I agree to this. And else: The one who cheats once he/she will cheat again. You don’t need that kind of person in your life. He doesn’t deserve your love, so go to strictly NC. Try to occupy yourself as much as possible, work on yourself, find a hobby and join some sports. At the beginning it will be really hard, but time will do the trick and you will feel better. Just keep implementing NC. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 How old are you hun, if you don't mind me asking? I am 38, so... old enough to know better. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Well - I have some years on you and I don't seem to have learnt my lesson! It is normal to worry if there will be anyone else to come into your life and of course to get along with. Do you think you are easy to get along with? mark Link to comment
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