Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago after a lot of bickering and then a mother of a row! We both really got hurt in the break up, (which was a mutual decision), and my ex instigated NC almost immediately. I text him a few days ago asking him how he was, and within half an hour he'd text back in lots of detail about how things were going - good news and bad news. He also ended the text with a really sweet compliment and a kiss (I never did that in my text). I waited an hour then text him back telling him how I was, ended it the same way he did, but didn't ask anymore questions about him. No reply. The next day I woke up and as I packed my bag for work I noticed he had text me again. It asked me how everything was going with me, and was sent about 12 hours after I answered him. I was a litle bit puzzled because I had already answered him with that information. The text was a bit formal, unlike his first one which was really friendly. Anyway, I texted him back very briefly, told him good luck with something he has to do this week and then left it at that. No reply. Last night I started reading back the texts and I realised that I had answered his first text and sent it to his other phone, (which just lies switched off in a draw). So, because I didn't want him to think I had ignored his lovely text the day before I text him to say, "Ooops! Sorry! I text your bat-phone yesterday!" No reply! ](*,) I was actually afraid of him reading that text I sent to his "bat-phone" because although it is really "me", it might have been a little OTT. Now I wonder why he has suddenly just gone cold. He obviously must have been waiting for a reply, thats why he prompted me. Are there lots of stupid games in LC? He hasn't text in 48 hours, and there is no way I am going to text him. I kept my texts brief, sweet, and with no questions because I want him to make an effort, didn't want him to feel like he had to keep answering me. I know it must have been like a bolt out of the blue for him to hear from me, but it seems like he still cares about how I am in what he said. Am I just being impatiant? Or have I entered the LC arena??? Link to comment
emalkoc Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 LC is very dangerous, and yes lots of games. Because both sides miss each other while string you along...You better come clean with him see what he wants. If he does not want to reconcile or you dont want, GO NC! Dont stay in LC because it will prolong your healing months to come. good luck! Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 LC is very dangerous, and yes lots of games. Because both sides miss each other while string you along...You better come clean with him see what he wants. If he does not want to reconcile or you dont want, GO NC! Dont stay in LC because it will prolong your healing months to come. good luck! I know. Part of me is relieved that I got that lovely text, because the break-up was ugly, and I thought he hated me. Dunno whether he wants reconcilliation - I am guessing no or he's not sure. All of his past relationships have yo-yoed, and ours was not good during the end. He has a hait of looking at the galss half empty, rather than half full. I am not gonna text back - ball is in his court. Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 yea, you've entered LC, try and keep it LC. you may be being impatient but i wouldnt focus on it too much. and i wouldnt reciprocate quite as much with the kissing and whatnot. just show some interest in how he is and such, while (subtley) showing you've moved on a bit. have you read these? every situation is unique tho, dont follow anything to the letter. use your judgement. just a lot of ideas to consider. Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 yea, i know thats alot to read. if the break-up was ugly and you thought he hated you, i definitly wouldnt respond to and reciprocate affection so quickly and easily. VERY low contact, if not NC itself. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Do you want a reconciliation? I am not sure. I do miss him terribly some days, while others I am fine. I would like a chance to clear the air. He has some issues he is dealing with that he needs to get over first. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 yea, i know thats alot to read. if the break-up was ugly and you thought he hated you, i definitly wouldnt respond to and reciprocate affection so quickly and easily. VERY low contact, if not NC itself. He gave me specific information about things that were going to happen over the next few weeks. I touched upon them and gave reassurance and wished him luck, but I didn't press for more info. Maybe he has gone back into NC because I instigated contacted but have not mentioned a reconcilliation and although I have been friendly, I have been brief and not pushy. He seemed genuinely sweet and although I bet he was shocked, happy to reply and submitt information and a compliment. Link to comment
DN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I am not sure. I do miss him terribly some days, while others I am fine. I would like a chance to clear the air. He has some issues he is dealing with that he needs to get over first. How would you know when he is over them? Perhaps it is time to suggest having a talk. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Forgot to ask - all those in LC, do you text every day or is this normal? Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 every day is wayy too much, thats not LC at all. once a week, maybbbe. once a month more like it. but the dumper should be initiating it. your really best only responding, read.... Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 im not saying you should implement this "plan", simply take what you find of value from it. leave the rest. there are a lot of worthwhile points made in it. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 How would you know when he is over them? Perhaps it is time to suggest having a talk. When I sent the first text and broke NC, I asked specifically how is this and how is that. He told me that point A was over but he hadn't had the result through, so I know he will still be on edge. Point B was the same way it was when we split. He is still stressed by the sounds, however, it isn't as bad as it was and is getting better. I have no desire to talk face to face until we can keep up the text. I feel like this: 1) I have contacted him and yet still kept my guard up to stop me from getting rebuffed and hurt. So the text wasn't full of feeling, all I really said was that time is a great healer and is it ok to ask him how he is. 2) He has responded genuinely happy to hear from me, and almost as though he knows it has been tough for me to make the first move, (he knows I'm a gentle soul and he can be pretty harsh at times), like he was reassuring me that it was ok to text him which put my mind at rest. Adds a kiss which was either an accident or shows he still cares. 3) Stupid me replies to the bat phone ](*,) 4) He has obviously been shocked at my first text and has waited for 12 hours for his phone to beep. He wasn't to keep up the text and so when he prompts me for an answer he leaves off the kiss, its brief and more formal. 5) I text him again, friendly and tell him he's in my thoughts this week with no commitment to talk about a reconcilliation. I don't mention "us" once, keep it brief and thats it. 6) I prompt him to look at the other message which is more heartfelt and fun, (tells him I am proud he has achieved a specific goal and that I'll keep my fingers crossed for him. Thay I'm fine - thats that. Now I am left with this dilema: a) Is he not replying because I have not mentioned reconcilliation and has gone NC? b) Is he not replying because he has no excuse to? I kept my answers short and didn't prompt him for anymore news. c) Is he keeping me dangling? d) Is he flat out not interested in talking to me? The fact he gave me so much info and then prompted me makes me think he would like to keep in touch. Plus, he isn't the type to just cut me off after being so nice. He would tell me to F off first, I know he would! e) Aggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 im not saying you should implement this "plan", simply take what you find of value from it. leave the rest. there are a lot of worthwhile points made in it. Thanks for posting all these threads I've been checking them out- I am not really interested in playing games or anything. I just want to be able to maintain my dignity (after all he has lost a great girl and I have to keep that in the forefront of my mind), but at the same time I would like to hear from him. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I have been screamin it into my pillow. Seriosly! Anyone else not had a text replied to after this? I am starting to fear the worst - even though I have basically not given him any reason to respond. Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 well what exactly did the last text say? if its because he doesnt have an excuse to respond. then wait, if he's looking for an excuse, he'll find one . maybe send him a light text later in the week if not. give it at least a week. two is better tho. Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 PS: i think trying to have a relationship with Batman is a bad idea anyway. I'm sure the mysterious type is sexy and all, but ya know, it's just too complicated. especially if he won't even answer the batphone. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 well what exactly did the last text say? if its because he doesnt have an excuse to respond. then wait, if he's looking for an excuse, he'll find one . maybe send him a light text later in the week if not. give it at least a week. two is better tho. The fact that he was so lovely to me in the first text. None of this "What the hell has it got to do with you?" or "Yeah I'm fine." business. It was more like: Hi *Roxy*, I'm good thanks. (Talks about where he is up to at the moment). I hope you're ok and that work has finally recognised everything you do with a promotion. Take Care X His last text said I trust you and your familly are all ok? PS: i think trying to have a relationship with Batman is a bad idea anyway, im sure the mysterious type is sexy but, ya know, it's just too complicated. especially if he won't even answer the batphone. Its the car...... chicks dig the car! Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 well, sounds pretty positive, maybe just reply later in the week. you can make sure to lead the convos so he has something to respond to. but you may find dissappointment there. who knows, its hard to say Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 He gave me dates and times of things that are happening this month (thats why I didn't post the full text), so i have plenty of opportunities to ask him how things went, and I'm pretty sure he'd reply to them. He didn't have to submit all that info, he exposed quite a lot. The fact that he was impatiant enough to text me twice shows he cares about how me and my family are doing, and that he has been checking his phone for a response. I feel better that there is no more aggression between us. Its a huge load off. I am going to wait and see whether he updates me on something that is due to happen this week........ I hope LC takes a weekly turn, rather than a monthly one...... Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 RoxyRose, keep up with the LC, keep your cool, just let it go as it goes. It seems your ex is receptive and wants to know how you are doing. He may be looking for a friendship. LainOS, I get the feeling you don't entirely support the idea of LC. Am I correct? Personally, I think LC is not a bad thing, considering how it seems to be demonized on here. To each is his own. RoxyRose, good for you about being able to keep your cool. Link to comment
Roxy Rose Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 RoxyRose, keep up with the LC, keep your cool, just let it go as it goes. It seems your ex is receptive and wants to know how you are doing. He may be looking for a friendship. LainOS, I get the feeling you don't entirely support the idea of LC. Am I correct? Personally, I think LC is not a bad thing, considering how it seems to be demonized on here. To each is his own. RoxyRose, good for you about being able to keep your cool. I dunno about whether he is looking for friendship.... I think the problem with him is that he doesn't have close friends, (trust issues and some pretty bad intepersonal skills). I do think he was pleased to hear from me, and he was pleased that I showed I care about him and his familly as he expressed what was going on in detail. Seriously - if I knew he was going to respond like this I would have broken NC a month ago! He responded within 25 mins max, and it was so sweet. He knows I care very deeply and genuinely about him and his familly and he always recipricated those feelings towards mine. I still think it was like a bolt out of the blue for him though. I also think he thinks I just wanted a brief hello and thats it, because I protected my heart by not going overboard. I sent the last text - he didn't have to answer because there were no questions. Why am I panicking after 48 hours??? Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 You're panicking because you still care about him. Just take it slow? Don't let it all out at once, that may scare him away. Baby steps, just take baby steps. For now, let it go, see what he does with your contact with him out of the blue. He may ask to meet up, or he may do nothing. Don't pressure him. When you chat with him, be optimistic about life, positive, upbeat. Guys like a woman who doesn't need them. Link to comment
lainOS Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 actually im a huge fan of low contact, id much rather have low contact than no contact, with my ex. ya just gotta be careful with it thats all. Link to comment
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