Am I being played? Should I be worried about the ex?

[PinkPearls]

Alright, so Im super confused as to the situation that I am in, and how the best way to handle this is.

 

A few weeks ago I met a new guy through my best friend (its her boyfriends best friend). Hes amazing, sweet, good looking and just so funny. Unfortunately he broke up with his girlfriend of 1 1/2 years two days before I met him. They had broken up on a few occasions before, but always ended up getting back together (usually after a few days). He says that he broke up with her because of her clingy-ness (supposedly it was 'stage 5'), and that is one of his biggest pet peeves, that and I guess that she was just overly dramatic.

 

Well, him and I really hit it off, and I am really starting to develop serious feelings for him. We have messed around a little, but hes the kind of guy who doesnt do stuff like that with just any girl, he really has to have feelings for her... and he wont have sex with someone that hes not in a serious relationship with (which makes me feel better, like hes NOT using me maybe.. no, we havent had sex). The thing is, he is still in pretty regular contact with his ex (She is the one contacting him 99% of the time), and they hang out once in awhile (like last night he was at her new apartment). She is SUPER possessive and supposedly still madly in love with him. He swears to all of us that its over for real between them, and that hes just trying to maintain friendly terms (they have a fair amount of mutual friends).

 

My biggest insecurity with guys is their ex's, and I would like to say something to him about her, so I can figure out what hes thinkin about all this. I need to know where I stand, because Im at the point now where I can back off and stay friends, so we can all hang out and it wont be awkward... but I dont know how much longer I can do that for. I refuse to be a rebound, and I wont do that FWB thing ever again, and Im afraid that hes going to go back to his ex like he has in the past. I normally wouldnt hesitate to say something, but I dont want to come accross clingly or dramatic because thats why he ended it with his ex before. What do you guys think, should I say anything? If so, what do I say and how do I go about it? I mean, he really seems to like me, and I really like him. My friend brought it up casually to him and he said that all his intentions with me were good. Any imput? Is this worth pursuing? And how can I overcome this insecurity about the ex girlfriends?

[ghost69]

i'd stay back. actually, i wouldn't date a girl that had steady contact with the ex. what for?

[servedcold]

People who are fresh out of relationships are not good candidates because they aren't truly available, especially if the immediate relationship was longer than a year. Please protect your feelings and look for other options.

 

Probably a good idea to stop with the making out. People can say all day that they won't have sex outside of a commited relationship, but when things get hot and heavy, lots of good intentions get backburnered. If you start a sexual relationship, the feelings you have will likely intensify, and you will be very vulnerable if this guy chooses to go back to the ex.

 

Sorry to say, but anything he tells you about the ex at this point is suspect this fresh from the breakup. So to avoid putting him in the position of seeming like a liar down the road, I wouldn't ask him anything, and would tone down your contact with him. In the long run, if he wants to be with you, he will come calling once he is ready.

 

Best wishes.

[orangesoda]

I wouldn't carry this any further - it's way too soon for him after his breakup to jump into a relationship and NOT have it be a rebound. If anything, he may subconsciously be using you to make his breakup easier (for him) and possibly as a means of finally getting rid of his ex. I would take the objective advice you've been given and find someone with no baggage.

[PinkPearls]

Thanks guys... unfortunately I was afraid that was going to be the advice given... haha. But I think that your right. We all hang out in the same group of friends, so I guess Ill keep it platonic (we're at the stage where it wouldnt be too difficult to do this without it being akward). Maybe in the distant future... but Im not going to hold my breath... oh darn, my timing seems to always be off. lol.