Heartbroken once again.

[undercover007]

My bf just broke up with me last night

We have broken up countless times.. and all those times I had to beg him back. Only couple times where he came back to me. He always tells me "that was the last straw" but then he'll take me back.

 

Last night he said that hes given me too many chances and that i blew it. He said that we could still be "friends" which he never really says.. and that if i wait for him it will be a long time or perhaps even forever.

 

My eyes are swollen from crying so much. Ive been through this so many times, yet each time is just as painful as the first time he did this. I feel like this may be it.. and its over for good. Despite how much he has hurt me, i still want to be with him

 

Please convince me not to call him anymore.. its so hard.

[knightNshiningarmor]

what are these "chances" that he speaks of.

[Bunney]

Any reason for why he keeps breaking up with you? Obviously there must be a lot of issues between you. People who keep breaking up and getting back together all the time just aren't right for eachother and it's just a clear sign that the relationship cannot be healthy.

 

So it's probably for the best. It hurts a lot right now, I know, but it WILL get better. Just don't beg him back. He is expecting you to do this, so surprise him and just don't contact him at all. For your own sake.

[undercover007]

Well his reasons are that im too needy, possessive, and immature. But he is also very controlling and always has to have his way or no way. He calls me possessive.. yet he use to not let me go out clubbing.. not let me hang out with certain friends.. he made me change my hair color.. the list goes on. Yet we share so much hisory together and i know we love each other.. he told me that he still loves me but that its just not working out. I want to die right now.

[dreamwarrior]

Doesn't sound like love to me!

[dreamwarrior]

Well his reasons are that im too needy, possessive, and immature. But he is also very controlling and always has to have his way or no way. He calls me possessive.. yet he use to not let me go out clubbing.. not let me hang out with certain friends.. he made me change my hair color.. the list goes on. Yet we share so much history together and i know we love each other.. he told me that he still loves me but that its just not working out. I want to die right now.

 

Sounds like he is obsessive. possessive, and selfish. I would not change anything to make someone like me. I am who I am if you don't like that then don't let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya.

[xtiarax]

Do not call him or do not beg him to take you back this time it shows that you are needy and depend on him and it pushes them away further trust me i have been in a similar situation. If you do not contact him at all and he will woner what you are doing and why you are not begging him to take you back, DO NOT DO IT! It gives them and ego boost and they then know that whenever they want you becuase they are bored they know that they can have you at any time that they want. If you keep getting back together with him it will be like this all the time, i think you need to move on although it is hard you have been through this before and you know what its like but you will get over this and then you can tell him that you do not want him to be his friend and do not want him in your life no more, he will be shocked that you are not seeming needy and think what the hell happened. Make him beg you this time ad make it clear that you are no push over and he will then see what he lost.

[undercover007]

Even though he said that i blew it and there are no chances for me now.. do you think he will come back? Its weird how he wants to be "friends".. he's never really said that to me before when he broke up with me all those other times. I'm so confused.

 

Thanks Tiara for your advice.. i was so close to calling him tonight but after reading your post it really convinced me it was a bad idea. I'm scared that he'll never come back.. and that he won't realize what he lost. I put him for everything.. i put his needs before mine.. all i ever did was love him and care for him.. and he just left me hurt and alone

[xtiarax]

Even though he said that i blew it and there are no chances for me now.. do you think he will come back? Its weird how he wants to be "friends".. he's never really said that to me before when he broke up with me all those other times. I'm so confused.

 

Thanks Tiara for your advice.. i was so close to calling him tonight but after reading your post it really convinced me it was a bad idea. I'm scared that he'll never come back.. and that he won't realize what he lost. I put him for everything.. i put his needs before mine.. all i ever did was love him and care for him.. and he just left me hurt and alone

 

Trust me the guy i was seeing done the same to me and wanted to be mates with me and after i begged and begged i came on here and realised that i should go NC and after a week of NC he texted me to ask me how my exams were going and it shocked me and then he told me to call him so i did silly me, and then he continued talking about the break up and i lied to him and said i was over him and he sounded sad, he said he would text me when he off from work to meet him this week and i am now waiting for him to contact me and i am not contacting him at all, last night he was on facebook at the same time as me and i wanted to message him and i think he came on to make me message him but i never and i felt so much better. Do not conatct him and he may realise that he misses you!

[xtiarax]

It is very hard not to contact them but as i have learnt that if you are not needy and you seem like you have moved on(even if you have not) it gets to them and they then seem the needy ones and contact you first and until then you do not contact him as he will just not reply or have a smart reply back, it gives them power over you and they are then the ones who are in control if you beg and beg them to take you back, if you do not contact them they are then not in control and cannot think that they can drop you when they want and when they want you they know that you are waiting for them. He will then think thats odd shes not begging me to take her back like usual i wonder what shes up to, if you contact him and seem needy there is not a hope in hell that you will get him back, this way it is not guarenteed that you will but you stand a chance. As soon as you contact him and show him that you are missing him it wil push him away and he will know that you are there when he feels bored or lonely. You need to make a stand and have some dignity and not give into temptation, its hard yes i know i have been there and i am going through it right now but it will be three weeks on wednesday and i am getting better from the day i called him and he said he would text me i have now not contacted him for 5 days now which is better. So stick to it cry if you need to, maybe leave your phone at home and go somewhere, it will be better than you having it with you and thereforeeee you will be likely to contact.I did the same as you did put him before everything but they never care they are guys and they never care what you do for them. I think that if you do get back with him you should be opposite of what you were when you were with him last, do not be needy, do not put him before anything and only make time fo him when you do not have anything to do, trust me they love you more when you are independent and show some tough loving lol .

[shattered heart.]

Do yourself a favor and thank the heavens that you are out of that relationship...Take the time to heal right now and find someone better for you..

[prettybutterfly]

sweetie i know EXACTLY what you're going through. I had been with my ex for 7 years and we broke up countless times, too. He dumped me each time b/c i was never ready to dump him. They really do this to keep you around if they get bored or to keep u on the backburner.

i didnt think id ever break the cycle.

he dumped me again 2 days ago...my birthday was yesterday. its always right before or on my bday.

When i say i know the hurt, boy do i know the hurt.

and he ended it with saying im a stupid * * * * and that now he gets to have his fun.

I have no choice but to act like he doesnt exist.

and everyday it gets a little easier.

 

hun i am here to talk if you want and always will be.

i feel for you. im going through it right now myself.

[starlight40]

Oh undercover and butterfly, you will get through this, the initial shock is the worst both myself an Tiara have both been through this very recently too and i know how hard it is. Tiara did exellently with the NC and so have i, you CAN get through it. I was hurt beyond words and the nastiness from them is terrible, i was i fact told that he "hopes i die a horrible death"- its all just words and funny how literally 5 mins before that text he was begging for me to go back! Stick and stones ladies.... I just wana let you both know that this pain will NOT last forever and you will come out the other side stronger for it. It feels like the end of the world at the moment but its not, one of my ways of copeing at the time was just to allow myself to "feel" - if i wanted to cry i did, if i was angry i would just allow myself, it doesnt help to bottle things up just let it all out...for me, this side of things when on for about a week the following week was asthough i was numb, couldnt cry anymore, the week after that i felt stronger but not quite single, now im still sad but boy, am i thankful for geting rid of the control freak and im going to work on myself and be happy. Do the NC, its the best thing you can do right now, you CAN DO IT xxxxx

[undercover007]

Thanks Tiara.. your words inspire me to really stick to no contact. Its so unbelievably hard for me. I feel like calling him now But i know he'll ignore my phone calls like he normally does and it will just leave me back to square 1. It's weird.. i feel better right now.. but i feel the worst when i wake up in the morning and i realize that hes still not with me then my heart starts pounding really fast and i just get so scared to be alone. But im okay now and im glad that there are these forums to come to cause it really helps me. I'd go to my friends for advice but im sure theyre tired of hearing the same story of him breaking up with me. Anyways, thats great that your ex has contacted you!! That must feel great

 

And prettybutterfly, i just read your post n replied.. but yes i can definitely relate to you. Yeah it hurts like crazy.. do they realize how much pain and suffering they are putting us through? *sigh* The funny thing is his ex warned me before i went out with him (cuz i knew her), that he was very manipulative and that he always had to have his way.. boy was i stupid for not listening to her. I was sucked into his sweet charming personality. I never thought he would turn out like this. Anyways, lets stick through this together and do no contact!!

 

Starlight, thanks again for all your advice! Thats a horrible thing ur ex said to u.. my ex has said a lot of things to that i couldnt believe he would even say, but like u said, 5 min later, he'd be trying to be all sweet to me again and then id just forget the mean things he would say earlier.

 

The no contact thing is the most hardest thing for me to do.. what i normally do is call him over n over n over (cause he doesnt answer my call) until he gets annoyed and answers.. but i have to stop myself from doing that cause i know it will just make him more mad. But i just feel the need to talk to him cause im so use to talking to him *sigh* Today is another day.. i know its gonna be hard.

[starlight40]

Youve done well to even get this far, so well done....find the strength and keep going.... I know how the morning thing feeles too but it doesnt last its just very raw for you right now. I promise you this gets better. Keep going xx

[xtiarax]

Trust me by him contacting me it made me worse as he talked about the break up and stuff, and then recently he wrote a really rude status on facebook and it was aimed at me. But i am still sticking to NC and not giving in to him he said that he would text me when he is off to see him for friends but after what i read i do not think that he will and if he doesn't i will not contact him. You just have to be strong and yes mornings and nights are the hardest but you have to be strong even though its hard you will see in time that you did the right thing and not regret the fact that you contacted him and made yourself look needy as you never did that. Of course it hurts i mean you have just lost someone that you loved and cared for and now it is time for the healing process to take place and once you have moved on with your life you will find someone new and realise that he was worth nothing and not worth your love and tears. Guys who continue to keep dumping the same woman have no repsect for the woman at all and know that all they have to do after is say sweet words and you will in a matter of moments be back with them for them to do it again and again. Do not be that person that can get pushed around by a guy easily, i think that it is best he or you do not contact each other for a while as it will hurt more if it happens, trust me i am going through it right now. It is not always best that they contact you as they play games and give you hope that isnt there. You seem like a strong person so i know that you can do NC and get over this soon, and then when he comes back(if he does) and wants you back you then can turn around and say sorry but i have now moved on and do not want you in my life, and then he no longer has the power that he knows that he has. Just work on yourself at the momentbe with mates and keep busy to get your mind off contacting him, now that i have done this now that i am alone i do not feel the urge to contact him which is what i would of done a week or two ago. If you want to say something to him write it down, text it, or write it on here, but remember never to send it to him, just keep it.

 

Deep down you know that you deserve better and if you do go back to him if he wants you back you will be setting yourself up for more heartbreak, when he decides to do it again.

 

Be strong and in the end you will be proud of yourself for not contacting him and not making yourself seem needy.

[audrey28]

hi undercover....maybe something u want to think about.....do you really love him or do you feel that you "need" him? my situation was very similar to yours. we keep getting back together even if the relationship was unhealthy. i finally had to face the truth that i was staying in the relationship for all the wrong reasons (comfort zone, fear of an unknown future etc). try to imagine.....if a good friend or a sister told you about the exact same situation, would u advice her to stay in the relationship or suffer a little but eventually find happiness? hang in there. be strong. you deserve to be loved and respected. if there is no respect in your relationship, it is not worth staying. trust me. i just ended my 3 year relationship myself, and even if i feel sad, i feel free.