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***UPDATE*** - When should you persevere and when should you take the hint?

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There's a girl at work - in another department - that I've got to really like over the past week. I've gone over to her desk in her department specially every day and have had fun chatting. Most days we have brief IM conversations at work too. I always instigate these.


I decided to be a bit more forward in getting to know her so suggested we get lunch in our work canteen one morning. She said 'maybe' which I took to be a pretty bad sign so didn't contact her at all to see if she would take me up on the offer of lunch. She didn't. I couldn't help but see her late afternoon for some more talk. It was fun and easy. I asked her what she did for lunch and she said she 'forgot' about us having lunch.


I was going to ring her this weekend to ask her out for lunch on Monday (no work, it's a public holiday) but decided not to.


Should I take the hint that she isn't interested in me that way but would just like to be friends?


It's going to be difficult for me to see her without wanting to see if things go further. Should I ask her out properly or should I cut my contact with her? After a few weeks of not seeing her my crush will probably have subsided...







So some of you guys thought perhaps I was coming on too strong without any interest on her side. That's pretty much mostly true except for the fact that 2 weekends ago she IM me her phone number as she was leaving work. I sent her mine back and even though I was away all weekend I did text her to which she answered back several hours later.


I did as you suggested and didn't contact her at all this week at work. She didn't contact me


Today I couldn't help it and IM her; she said that she was not in a good mood so i said I'd cheer her up. She said that me saying hi had cheered her up already.


I can't help feel that she probably isn't interested in me at all because she didn't make any effort to contact me. And my week was much poorer for it. I really enjoyed going to her desk and talking.


I'd really like to ask her to lunch on Sunday. If you guys think it's worth a shot, I'll do it. Otherwise I won't and I'll take your advice.


She works in another department so it wouldn't be totally awkward if she turned me down. No one in my team really knows her apart from one girl who I also hang around with quite a bit. I don't think she'd make things difficult for me if she heard I was turned down.


Thanks very much for your answers!

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I don't like to be discouraging, but either 1) she is playing hard to get or 2) she just isn't interested in you but likes the attention that you give her. I would say it's the latter. I agree that it's not a bad idea to ask her out just one more time as she has showed some interest, but I think you should be wary and brace yourself for another rejection.

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From the info you provided I would assume she is not interested. If a woman is interested in you and you offer her lunch she will be all happy about it and for her to just forget it is nearly impossible. It is very possible that she enjoys chatting with you at work as a form of relaxation or refreshment from her work activities and maybe even thinks you're fun but doesn't see you as dating potential. If she liked you she would definitely take the initiative to at the very least make some form of contact with you, not just you contacting her all the time. But this is all speculation and I think if you're truly interested you should just flat out ask her out. Simply send her a text or an IM saying: "Hey I was thinking maybe I can treat you out for dinner and drinks this week, what do you think?" She will either give you a straight answer of yes or no and you'll know right away if she's into you or she will try to beat around the bush which is a sign that she's not interested so just forget about her. Like you said, it won't be too ackward if she turns you down so you really have nothing to lose. Good luck!

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Thanks a lot for your responses.


I pretty much agree with you - she probably just sees me as a casual friend.


But I've never asked a girl out before which is probably why I've never had a girlfriend so I reckon it's time to do it!


How should I go about it? What exactly do I say? How much notice should I give?


Should I call her and ask her immediately if she's doing anything today/tomorrow? Should I send a text like CaptainNapalm suggested? Is calling in the morning suggesting lunch the same day too little notice? I really want to fix something this weekend!


Sorry for all the questions: I really do need an ABC guide to asking this girl out!


Thank you!

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