Screwed up so bad is there any chance

[method]

girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month ago. she said she wanted space to think. i was hurt and sent her a letter which i had been thinking that my problems had caused the relationship to end such as being lazy, not showing her i appreciate her and i love her. and basically not being the same guy she fell in love with. i was really not coping well but didnt tell her and started the no contact but if she contacted me then i would be friendly about it. then i sent her an email saying i was going to take some time to myself and she thought it was good.

 

after this she texted me every 2 days to see how i was and we sent a few texts back and forth

 

I said i would take her to the cinema to see sex and the city which she really wanted to see and then we would go to her favourite restaurant and she agreed. Sunday night came and we were talking on msn about how we are looking forward to seeing each other again and she even bought be a present ( as she always has) energy saving light bulbs because she knew it would save me money. i was 99% sure we were getting back together when we meet up the next week at the cinema because i was trying to grow up a bit and wanted her to know.

 

Then it happened - i had let slip a comment that basically said i hadnt been tested for an std.

When we first go together in the first 3 days we were lying there in bed and she asked if i had been tested. i said yes because i was sure i had nothing and was horny ( i know it was so stupid and i was very immature and a bit desperate) anyways i wanted to tell her after but didnt know how so i have kept this for 3 years.

 

she says she so disappointed in me right now. i told her i was so stupid back then and i really regret not telling her. she says that i now have to live with the consequences of my decisions and that she doesnt know if she wants to speak to me again. i have told her how sorry i am and i do feel terrible i want to regain her trust back and i know shes the one i want to be with. i told her everything i want to be later in life and its the same as what she wants. i really want to fix my mistakes with her.

 

i have been to the clinic today and will message her that ive been, its the hardest thing ive to do. the results come out in 10 days.

 

this is because i said one stupid lie if the first 3 days, felt guilty but couldnt tell her because i was scared to loose her. then kind forgot about it. do you think theres any chance in hell i could do anything to let her know im sorry and to regain her trust in me.

[CatsMeeoow]

Well - first and foremost it was 3 years ago...

 

I think we've all done silly things in the beginning of a relationship. She's disappointed that you would ever lie to her BUT that being said it would be harder if you lied to her recently. It was a silly mistake and now you've realized that you need to make changes - you've confessed for mistake.

 

Give her some space... REALLY just let her be. She'll think about it and if you don't overwhelm her she'll probably come around.

 

peace and love,

Cats

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She's getting bent out of shape over something that happened three years ago! Clearly you were wrong back then, but it sounds to me like she had no intentions of getting back together with you and is just using this as an excuse. Leave her be and walk away. Make changes in yourself and then let her come back to you if she wants.

[method]

thanks i do feel terrible about this and hate myself for being this person. i have never lied to her about anything else before.

 

i dont want to contact her for a while but i do have to tell her ive been to the clinic and it will take about 10 days for the results. its the mature thing to do. after that i will leave her be for a while. her birthday is in a month and i will send her a card. if i dont hear anything back i will assume thats the end of us. im so cut up about this and i know its all my fault. just when we were about to start over again. i really want to work on us, i just hope she sees that the last 3 years has been good with me and she wants more.

[Panda2008]

I think she'll say going to the clinic is a bit 'shutting the gate after the horse has bolted' so by all means go to the clinic, but maybe just keep the results to yourself (unless you have an sti, in which case you'll have to tell her).

 

Like CAD, I think she is using it as an excuse to let you know that it's over. Obviously she doesn't want to hurt you more than necessary, so this is a convinient excuse.

 

You were doing the right thing before, taking some time for yourself... finding the person you were when you met. I say go back to stage one for now and see what happens.

[method]

just sent her a text - told her i had had been to the clinic and will get my results in 10 days and i know how important it is now and sorry to have hurt her.

 

she send back " at least you have been now, let me know when you get results"

 

told her i will let her know as soon as ive found out.

 

will leave it in no contact now except when i get my results. will send her the birthday card in a month and if i dont get a reply i will assume that we might be done. i have deleted but not blocked her on msn so she knows when im on

[theredrocket]

she's being ridiculous, honestly.

 

look part of being in a sexual relationship is taking self responsibility for these things. were you wrong to lie? yes of course, but that doesn't absolve her responsibility to herself. if she was worried she should make sure condoms are being used.

 

also what CAD said. I don't see why you would tell her the results or that you were getting testing for that matter, unless there was infidelity involved

[method]

i never cheated, never told a lie except this one at the start and never hit her, i dont understand why someone ive known for over 3 years would all of a sudden not want to speak to me again instead of working with me through it. i now understand that a lack of communication to tell each other problems was there. maybe thats why i felt i couldnt say. ive lost a best friend and the love of my life and id like to think she will miss me a bit.

 

i would have worked through anything with her but i guess she just doesnt care anymore. i dont think i could ever talk to her again.

[Clabs]

Hey method

 

Don't be so hard on yourself - mate - this was three flippin years ago now. I agree with Crazyaboutdogs - she is using this as an excuse to mess you about and to offload some of her guilt.

 

If someone close to you asks for space then there is something very wrong going on. Give her the space she wants - leave her be. If she wants to come back into the relationship then she will tell you, but I would pull the safety net out from under her right now because you don't deserve this lame treatment.

 

Mark

[method]

thanks,

when you say pull the safety net do you just mean no contact which im going to do anyways. im not contacting her now and doubt she will contact me.

 

she knows i am going to change for the better and she knows we want the same things in the future. am just going to leave it too her guess both of us dont really know what its like without the other to rely on. shes so stubborn tho and dont think she will break and contact me. lets see how long we can last in NC.

[Clabs]

Hey method. Yes - that is what I meant. But if you are going to go NC anyway then that is that taken care of.

 

We none of us know what is going to happen down the road but the best thing you can do is to look out for you now.

 

Take care mate.

 

Mark