I need advice please!! Quickly! ...

[Dancerdlk]

So here's the quick deal..

 

my live in bf broke up with me about a month ago.. it was a very messy situation - he has a new girlfriend (whom i believe he was emotionally cheating on me with).

 

i haven't called or texted him at all..

 

but we were still living together which meant that when we were together in the house, we would usually exchange conversation and sometimes fight about the relationship or the new girl...

 

i finally just moved out the other day. but i left there my sheets and blankets (that he was using on his bed in the guest room) my antique table that held up his tv. I accidently took the Scrubs DVD series that i bought for him (it was an accident - i was just trying to get out of there) and i completely cleaned the ENTIRE place (except his room) so that he couldn't come back and be pissed that i left him a mess. I really wasn't spiteful. oh yeah ps. i took back a tool box that my father had given us when we moved in (it was OURS). I also left his spare car key but held on to the credit card he gave me so i could give it to him in person or to his friend (if something happened to it or it got lost, i didnt want to be responsible for that and he knew this).

 

He must have been shocked when he came home from the beach this weekend because he didn't expect me to move out yet (ive been saying it for awhile but not done it). But i finally did.

 

I just get this text from him:

 

"Since the Scrubs DVD's are gone should I assume that jewelry ive given you should be showing up in my room? Thank you for my jeep key but i am still waiting for my credit card. Also check the tool box you took for my wirestrippers and my screwdrivers for my amps"

 

Now i haven't responded because frankly, i think thats a nasty message and doesn't deserve a response. I was going to leave these things at the apt when i go down there to work on friday. but my one friends suggest i send back a nice friendly message about sending the stuff back by mail and another friend says dont bother with a call or a text.

 

What is going on here? why was he so nasty? I gave him no reason to be - i cleaned everything and did all the dirty work for him...

 

what should i do?? Any input or insight is appreciated!

[Dancerdlk]

by the way we were together for 2 years and had a very intense relatinoship... and a week ago he told me that he still loves me and cares for me but just couldn't handle the relationship anymoer and likes being alone (which is bs since he has a new girl).

 

And now he apparently hates me.. from love to hate in a week?

[starlight40]

Its hurt honey, hurt coming out and possibly the fact that your moving out and away from him, theres a fine line betwee love and hate. He probably still has feelings for you even though hes with someone else now, you cant turn them off like a tap and hes lashing out in my opinion. Dont be too hurt xx

[DN]

Well, you moved out without telling him which is fairly passive-aggressive behaviour.

 

And how was he to know that you took the DVDs by mistake and why you kept the credit card?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Honestly, I would have taken the sheets and blanket off the bed and I would have moved his TV and taken the table. Given his reaction you might not get those back now that you are gone. In situations like this it is best to walk away with EVERYTHING that belongs to you. He dumped you to be with another woman so his "hurt" is just an ego thing. I would suggest you leave a message that is nonchalent and friendly...telling him that you accidentally took the DVDS, that the credit card you wanted to hand over in person because you didn't want to leave a credit card lying around, that you hadn't realized his wirestrippers and screwdrivers were in the toolbox and you will return those items with the credit card and DVDs...and that you have to come back to pick up the table and the sheets/blanket.

[starlight40]

I agree with crazy, that you should just answer in a friendly manner to his text, that you took the dvds etc by accident, at the end of the day someone has be be mature about this

[IdontknowNJ]

I don't think it really matters at this point.

 

There is no clear cut method to "breaking up", feelings are bound to be tender on both sides so things are not always going to go over as smoothly as we’d like them to.

 

People tend to grasp at straws as a means to keep "lines of communication open", some shred of hope, because it's difficult just to severe ties altogether.

 

It's a difficult process but just try to remain as amicable as possible and perhaps arrange with a friend to give him back his stuff? If you can maintain your distance physically and emotionally, you can allow yourself to start rebuilding your life without him "being there" in the process.

[HeartGoesOn]

You had every right to leave unanounced, after what he did to you. I would leave those things that belong to him at the house when he's not there.

 

Also, I would send him that credit card by registered mail, and send him a very "business like" text, saying you're doing just that.

 

He doesn't deserve to know any more than that.

 

Take care...

[hear_her_roar]

I would give him a brief explanation about the Scrubs dvds and the reasons why you kept some of his things so you could give them to him in person. Keep it short and impersonal, and don't reply to any further texts.

Best of luck, and sorry for everything you're going through.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think this is a bit of overkill. I really think this can be sorted with a few kindly placed words. As for the response...I wasn't thinking of a text, I was thinking of the telephone. Something like this is best done over the phone, not because of the legal issues but because it is better to deal with these matters verbally not via text message. As for the table and sheets/blanket...if she wants them back I see no reason why she can't have them back...they are hers.

[zboi13]

no matter what, at some point he opened up his heart to you and all guys, no matter who you are, will feel sorrow when you leave. i was angry when my ex broke up with me. of course i'm only a teenager, but i felt a HUGE connection even after she cheated on me. and i forgave her 2months later and got back together with her. but on my birthday i dumped her because i couldnt handle her but i still felt a huge gaping hole in my chest.

 

so dont blame him, he has no one to vent to that will actually mean anything to him and so it comes out at you.

[Dancerdlk]

thank you so much for all your replies

 

So just to clear a few things up...

 

I did tell him i was moving. I actually needed to talk to him about a few things that we bought together and about who would get what but he didn't want to talk. (Ultimately, i left all those items there). I tried to talk to him on Saturday when he was home. He didn't want to talk and when i said, "well I'm moving tomorrow" he said "yeah I've heard that before" and when i said "no i really am," he said "oh well see ya!" and walked out the door.

 

So he knew i was moving. And i did try to give him the credit card and the key and he was "rushing out" so he told me to "just throw them somewhere in his room".

 

The things I left for him were things that he was using daily. I didn't want to be spiteful. So i was going to email him just about some "housekeeping things".

 

Also, i just got a text from him around 10:30 that said "And you should probably not post pictures where you can see through your shirt on facebook..."

 

Four things..

1. There are no photos on my face book where you can "see through my shirt" (but there are pictures of me having fun with my friends during fleet week)

2. Why is he looking at my facebook page anyway?

3. Why does he care?

4. Why would he actually say something to me about it? (and be so nasty) We are in no contact for the most part. I have not texted or called or emailed him..

 

So at any rate, i was thinking of drafting an email to just take care of business...

 

your thoughts?

[IdontknowNJ]

I think you are reading into things way too much as a means to hold onto a relationship that has reached a dead end. Perhaps it is because you are not ready to move on yet or perhaps it is because you are simply looking for validation, reassurance that he DOES still in fact care.

 

And I am sure that he does still care about you. It is only natural, feelings just don’t vanish over night. But, you are broken up for a reason and you will never be able to move on until you close the gap for good.

 

I'm sorry to sound so harsh and I know it's easier said than done but all your doing by keeping the lines of communication open, is allowing room for personal jabs at each other, going back-and-forth with “he said she said” when all both of you are really doing is just adding salt to your existing wounds.

 

Mail his stuff back and be done with it.

 

You can do it!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I disagree. It is clear he is angry about you moving out. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. From his previous disbelief that you would ever move, you have now proven him wrong and his ego has taken a bashing. He was hoping he would have this new girlfriend as well as someone at home pining for him. Does he still care about you? Well, it sounds to me like he actually doesn't care about anybody, not even this new person he is seeing. It is all about his ego being stroked. So his nasty comments to you are his resentment that you walked away...not because he wants you back at this point, but because you have shown him that you are not going to pine for him, you are just going to move on with your life. He treated you with disrespect and like a fool towards the end and you have shown him that you are not going to take it. Good for you...you have taken the high road. As for the stuff, well, I think if you want the rest of your stuff back and you have to give his stuff back then you will have to contact him. I don't see that as an excuse to keep in touch...I see it as the realities of the housekeeping issues when a live-in relationship ends.

[Dancerdlk]

Thanks so much guys..

 

here is the email i was thinking about sending...

 

your thoughts? i dont want to be nasty but i frankly don't want to be too nice either.

-----------------------------------

I apologize, the Scrubs DVD's were packed up by mistake by my brother. I will give them to (our mutual friend) to give to you next time I see her.

 

I wanted to give you back your credit card in person to ensure that it got safely in your hands. I didn't want to just leave it there. I can also give that to (her) or mail it to you. It's your choice.

 

I will also give (her) the tools you have requested.

 

Please leave my blankets, sheets, desk chair and the television table for me. I will pick them up sometime soon. I didn't want to take them while you were still using them. If you find anything else in the office that is mine, please just leave it with the other items.

 

Pick which couch you want and leave the other one. I will be using it in my new apartment.

 

Also make sure you drop off your rent check to the office. And I will email you with the bills for May, June and July as they come in.

 

Please leave any of my mail on the dining room table for me.

 

Thanks

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds good. It is business-like, apologizing where you needed to apologize. As for the bills..do you owe him any money for the bills that are coming due since you only left near the end of the month? If so, make sure to state that so he doesn't get angry and think he is covering your share of things as well.