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I just want to know he cares, at least..


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O i was in a male male relationship for a year with, what I thought, this great guy. We went on family vacations, got a dog, lots of things. THen I ended things because he was so inconsitint with his feelings towards me. One day he be so effectionate and loving and the next he'd be really distant. Well a month later I started dating his ex... i know scandalous but it just sorta happened. But we talked and it turns out he cheated on me for the first 6 months of the relationship and had both me and his ex fooled that he was just dating one of us. Shocked and upset and said some horrible things to him and he changd his number and left me with our 3 month puppy we just got..


Now I know Im better off without a minipulating cheater but whenever I see him out hes so happy and i just want to know that hes upset too. I found a letter he wrote me right before we broke up about how much he cared and loved me and a card that he got for my mom that never went out and i just lost it today and my friend told me about this website.


Is it really possible that someone who loved me and cared so much just to be "over it" and not hurt...


If i knew he was a little upset i would feel a little better... does that make sense?


Thanks to all for listening...

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The things a dude will go through to seem fine in front of an ex are amazing. After the ex and I broke up the first time, I "got over it" within a week. Every time we saw each other I simply did anything to look like I was having the time of my life. Of course, right after, I'd have to punch something/someone and/or break something/someone :S I felt like crap every time we walked by each other, even.


If it's an absolute must for closure, I'd get in tight with his closer friends and just use them for the information. I've done it before, and though it's not fully ethical, it does work.


I'd focus on moving past him instead of trying to figure out how he feels. You're only interested in figuring out how he feels because you hope somewhere in the back of your mind that there's another chance. But do you really want someone who cheated on you in the first 6 months back?

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I know what you mean. I felt that way too, after my breakup. My ex didn't act like he missed me at all. I would see him with his friends, acting completely fine. If he just seemed sad, at least once, when he walked past me... it would have made me feel slightly better. Instead, I just felt as if the entire relationship had meant absolutely nothing to him, as if I'd cared about someone who never cared for me at all.


So, you have no way of knowing if he's upset or hurt. You probably never will. The best you can do right now is to start breaking that emotional attachment to him, so that it won't matter whether he's upset or not. Once you've managed to push past the pain, his feelings won't matter at all. I know that right now it seems impossible, but you will get over him as long as you keep moving your life forward instead of dwelling on the past.

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Yeah, I know that feeling. The feeling your ex never cared for you.


In these cases, ignorance is bliss. Seeing him move on so quickly over me was a huge wound on my ego, and I realize that I shouldn't get so hung up on him either. NC really helps because it takes my mind off of him.


Also, your ex cheated on you during half of your relationship. He's no keeper! And Haven's absolutely right, breaking the emotional attachment is a very important step in moving on.

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