Paranoia

[fractured]

Hello,

 

 

Me and my ex had been in a long distance relationship for 6 months, we never argued or had any fights, the only real problem besides the distance was her paranoia. She has been stalked, molested and raped besides other things, this has made her extremely paranoid and has affected the relationship to a point where she can't carry on.

 

She's dumped me once already because of it, there were times when I said I would come up to see her and I couldn't go at the last minute, she took it as if I was letting her down on purpose even though I made it clear to her there was no way I could go, she even dumped me over it and said she thought I was using her and didn't love her, during this time she went out with 2 guys, 1 lasted 2 weeks and the other lasted a day, after that I managed to talk her into taking me back after the second guy, she went out with them to try and get over me because she thought her feelings for me were gone, I managed to talk to her about it which is really hard because she's often in denial and doesn't make a strong effort to sought things out when we fall out, what she's been through has greatly affected her self esteem and willpower, I know she wouldn't use me or cheat on me intentionally.

 

The last time we spent time together she cried, obviously its extremely hard to deal with the distance and time we spent apart, after that her paranoia kept rising, we were talking on msn when I lost my connection, she thought I used her when we were together and was ignoring her, basically every small thing plies onto her insecurity, she once asked me if I knew she was bi when she was well aware I knew, towards the end her paranoia really got to her and she spent every moment waiting for me to find something wrong with her and dump her.

 

Eventually her paranoia got the best of her and she dumped me again for someone she barely knew, she found it hard to deal with pain of me not always being there, she thought I would dump her because she got quite depressed and thought I would dump her for being down.

 

She says she just wants us to be mates, I asked her if its her paranoia not letting her progress with the relationship, she said she wanted to deal with her paranoia that made her dump me but she only ever wanted us to be mates even though we were going strong for 6 months and she said she never felt stronger with anyone else, she just wants to be happy with her new boyfriend that she's only been out with for a week, at the moment she's convinced she won't love me again, I don't believe her simply because its not the first time she's done this and realized she was wrong about it, its not the first time she said her feelings for me weren't there for me anymore.

 

She wants me to move on but I love her, so yeah any advice would be nice, if theres anything you can't understand please ask me to clarify it I need the help

[lady00]

I think you need to give this a lot of time and space. First to get over the initial shock and then to heal. I'm really sorry you're going through this but in order to get to a place where you are feeling better, you need to accept this as for what it is. It's not reversible at the moment and I think you do have to believe her.

[greywolf]

Never talk to her again and move on with your life. She obviously has issues that she needs to deal with.

[fractured]

ok thanks il move on, I would have done a lot earlier if we didn't work or understand each other