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Abusive Woman?..Jealousy? or to much Booze?...Advice ASAP!


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Not Sure if this is the right category, but it seems to be the best one I could find and I always get good responses from this forum.


I got a message that some friends was going out, and I was invited to go along. The night was going along really well and was having a good time, until ......

We went to another bar to meet up with some friends...or so I thought...

I know the old saying, that there are two sides to every story, but I assure what I write is the exact truth, because what good would it do me on getting the right "advice" if I didn't.


That being said, I am being completely honest and truthful.

When we got to the next bar, all seemed fine and 1/2 of us were on one side and the other 1/2 was on the other, I really didn't think much about it and stayed with the people that I came in with, although I did go and say hello to the others that were there.


There were different conversations around, and it was mostly another girl and myself taking, I was at one point called over to another conversation, and then went back to my friend. I was waiting until one of the people was finished in the conversation, because I had something I wanted to mention to him. This person happened to be the husband of my other friend whom was at the other end of the bar with some other girls I didn't know.


When her husband was finished, I approached him as he was walking by, and he kept walking and said "go see his wife and I said "ok".

When I went to where she was, she lashed out in a full blown attack on me, that I was "all over her husband" and that "she thought she could trust me", and kept yelling and screaming. I was in complete shock to say the least.

After, trying to get a word in edgewise (that she was completely insane) I just walked away and went back to the other girl I was with, whom knew I was with her the whole time.


This woman was then following me, still screaming and after I again said, I was not even near him except for that one time, she said "well xxxxx told me you were all over him, and she is screaming this for all the bar to hear. (the supposedly

instigator was a g/f of someone who was there with us, whom I don't even know by name, just face, nor does she know me, yet still managed to "maybe" start this crap).


The people we were with heard all this, and there was some "damage control" done, and the guy of the girl that supposedly said all this came to her defense and said "she never said a word". I don't like this couple at all, I think they are just "bad people" all around.

I was extremely upset, and just wanted to leave and I did. ( the screaming woman and her husband had already gone), and I also feel like maybe I shouldn't have left so fast, looking like a wimp, But I was just to shook up.


This woman was someone I considered a good friend, but now I am really not to sure. Of course, in a bar there is alcohol involved and that was taken into consideration, she had obviously been drinking (a lot).

Oddly, the other friend that I had been with most of the night told me that she went through the exact same thing with this woman a few weeks back and that she showed up back at another bar, after she had gone home.. screaming and doing the same thing to her, I was in shock hearing that also.


I have to mention that this woman will physically fight, she has before and I was a little concerned that she was going to try to start with me, most likely hurting me, since she is a lot bigger than I and I don't fight anyone physically.


The big problem here lays in the "Mutual Friends" thing. I will eventually run into her again, most likely over the weekend where we all get together.

I thought a lot about what to do, and was hoping that once she "sobered" up, she would have called me and apologized, but she didn't, I even thought about calling her, but I didn't,


I swore I was not going to go out this weekend and avoid her at all costs.

Then I thought, I would go out, and just see her and say, "you don't believe me, then fine, go ahead, hit me , get it over with, because I don't want to be afraid of this woman, whom again, I thought was a good friend.


The point is, I have no idea how or WHY this even started. I have a few theories, one being that I was out with someone else after a breakup whom this couple is friends with, but it wasn't that kind of "date". I was just tagging along, but they didn't know this, it "looked" like I was with this person, who IS single.

I also feel maybe I should have spent some more of my time with this woman, then hanging on the other side of the bar, but I felt it was only polite to stay with whom you came with and I never expected to be ACCUSED of anything like this.


What's funny is that I just went through almost the same thing last week, when I ran into an old friend, and his girlfriend was having a fit that I was talking to him. She was very clear that the sooner I leave the better. I felt horrible after that encounter too.


Of course, I feel if this woman and myself had a chance to sit down and talk

this out it will be fine, because I know she knows deep down, I wasn't after her man, and I really hope that he even told her I wasn't. But that doesn't seem to be the case because she didn't try to reach me at all today.


I wonder if I am a "threat" in some way now, because I am no longer "with someone". I am not the most beautiful women in the world but I guess I am considered "attractive", but I never once in all the years I have known this group of people ever showed any kind of behavior that would "label" me as someone who would flirt or go after another's man. In fact, I am just the opposite, I make it a point not too.


What's so ironic to me in all this, is I got out of such a bad relationship and was finally feeling good about things and getting out after a long time of not doing anything, and now its going to be squelched by a couple of women?

The anger in her was so full of rage, I am not sure I can even forgive this woman

and right now in all honesty, I want to tell her to shove-it.

And what's worse, is that I am feeling a little paranoid on what they may continue to do if I am around.


It really sucks because I was having a really good night, and now I am not even sure if I should be around.

I feel like they may not stop at making me miserable if this thing doesn't get resolved.

Advice needed!....What do I do?..I am at a complete loss and very hurt and upset.

Thank you.


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Don't cut yourself off socially in any way worrying about seeing her again. Just distance yourself from her. She sounds like a very unstable drunk, and you should ask for an apology.


Don't go defending yourself though, you haven't done anything wrong. Just say that you were way out of line and I want an apology for your behaviour.

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I hAve known women like this. They are horribly insecure and alcoholics. They fly off on tangents without even knowing the full story. You said she the other girl there said she did it to her too, kind of proof this is a repeat thing.


Just avoid her. She sounds a bit crazy and most likely a drunk.

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I hAve known women like this. They are horribly insecure and alcoholics. They fly off on tangents without even knowing the full story. You said she the other girl there said she did it to her too, kind of proof this is a repeat thing.


Just avoid her. She sounds a bit crazy and most likely a drunk.


+1 Couldn't agree more.

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Thank you to all that gave their time to respond.


All the comments were helpful, though I am sad to say, that I have seen her again since the incident and she still is fuming mad at me and has shown no indication of talking things

out, much less an apology. Her husband seems to be ignoring me as well, which is confusing to me as too. Since He is the one who knows I was no where near him.


Still, looking for advice, because as said, this is someone I have to see on a regular basis and I am worried the more this stays unresolved, what she may do. Although, she has avoided me as much as I have avoided her, even when in the same place.

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