Convo with the ex

[tetur]

Today he tells me:

"I stand by my comment you'd make a wonderful wife. You're caring,

attentive, trustworthy, and good in bed. You're special - and to me,

you'll always be special. Not just as my friend - but the

person who knows sides of me not even my longest tenured friends know."

 

He goes on to tell me how much he enjoys everything about me and how physically attracted he is to me.

 

But we can't be together. Why?

- if someone leaves him, that's it. No second chances. (We had a fight at a point when we weren't even dating and I was very upset and told him I wanted him out of my life. He knows I didn't mean it but says he can't shake the feeling I would do it again.

- He doesn't want to risk losing me forever. You know the old saying "I'd rather have you as a friend..." yeah. Basically that.

 

How can someone say all of those wonderful things, claim to mean them but not want to be with that person?!?!?! ](*,)

 

For the record I told him I was not his past and if he felt the way he claimed then he should take that chance because we could have something wonderful. I also told him the fact that he not simply shows he has no faith in me.

 

He didn't really have a response.

[CatsMeeoow]

So pull the rug out from underneath him... walk away for good... no friends...

 

Let him know that you're interested in sharing a life with him as a romantic partner only. Nothing else interests you (and then stick to it!)

 

Let him be lonely... let him miss you... he'll either face his fears and come back wanting to work on it with you or he'll continue on his path of self destruct (and why would you want to be with him for the latter????)

 

It will be hard because you love him and don't want to lose him period... but make him put some action to those words and that will only happen if walk away...

 

A big huge hug - because I know what I just typed will be one of the hardest things you've ever done.

 

Cats

[hmdreamer7]

Sounds as though he is trying to put the control back into his corner. He's playing with your mind, making you confused... he may not want to 'risk losing you forever,' but he wants to keep you in his life on HIS terms, or so it sounds like it.

 

What you said to him, though, was a good response. I would focus now on moving on with your life, without him.

[arcadefire]

A man shows his love by his actions, not words. Don't trust this liar anymore. If he really loves you, he would be throwing himself at you, not playing mind games with you. And if he really thinks you were meant to be his wife, he would go down on one knee.

 

Otherwise, forget him. Even as a friend he's not worth the mind games. He wants you to be a part of his life, but don't give him that satisfaction.

[musashi]

- He doesn't want to risk losing me forever. You know the old saying "I'd rather have you as a friend..." yeah. Basically that..

 

Walk away. That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard for breaking up with someone. Do not let him keep you as a friend if you want more. Give him the choice of being with you or not and then go NC.

 

How can someone say all of those wonderful things, claim to mean them but not want to be with that person?!?!?! ](*,)

 

Good question. I got all the fantastic compliments as well. From her mouth, I was the greatest thing to have ever walked the planet. Even when she was breaking up with me she told me she was probably making the worst mistake of her life. Who knows why they do that. Mine was masochistic and felt that she did not deserve me. Crazy stuff.

[qwerty1984]

actions speak louder than words - i totally agree with the other posters...

 

it's not fair for him to do that to you… katsmeeoow is totally right and you need to tell him it’s all or nothing, otherwise it’s never going to be ok for you….

 

I have a similar thing going on, I’ve been told by my ex, the dumper, that he’s 90% sure it’s over (lots of other things happened to confuse me a lot)…. Try NC….

 

Good luck!

[trash mail]

I don't know whether you are right or not. All i have to share is my experiences.

For me nothing bothers me more that someone thinking they have the right to vent and say hurtful things without having to be responsible for it. You may have gotten the anger off your chest but what you did was attack/abused the other person.

In current times, you do have the freedom of speech but with freedom of speech come responsibilty. Saying "i don't want you in my life" cannot come more hurtful, it takes away a persons feeling of importance and control.

I think he has trust issues with you, and maybe he is playing the power game but he may have the right to because you played it first and took away his share of the power when you said what you said.

 

Talk to him as see whether this is the problem?

[xtiarax]

I wish my ex would say that to me

[tetur]

Trashmail I know what I did was wrong and hurtful. I take full responsibility for that. It's a complicated situation that led to that - part of it being my own trust issues. I was hurt and it was a knee-jerk reaction to try to protect myself. I know I handled it badly.

 

He has trust issues that stem from his youth and go right up to his ex wife.

 

But we're human. We make mistakes. I know I hurt him but I feel he should take the circumstances into consideration. And he should quit using his past as an excuse and just take a risk.

 

Maybe I'm asking too much. But if he feels the way he says he does then I don't think it's too much.

 

As for NC. It won't happen. We work together and live accross the hall from each other. LC maybe....

 

I'm so angry about this today.