Encouraging more sexual behaviour

[bhzmafia]

My gf of about 7 months is on a holiday in another state at the moment. She has been gone for half of her 3 week stay.

 

I'm bored, lonely and toey while shes gone, and I'm trying to get her to become a bit more dirty with me.

 

We have exchanged a couple pictures (mms) with her naked and in underwear, but I would love to a couple videos, or at the very least exchange 'intimate' messages with her.

 

Unfortunately, she isn't up for any of this. I don't know if its because she is uncomfortable or nervous about doing it, or because she thinks I'll go and show it all off to my friends. When I ask her she just says 'cos'

 

TBH, i couldnt think of many things worse than showing my mates msgs from my gf or pics of her naked... thats for me

 

So anyway, does anyone have any tips on how to get her to open up sexually, or as to why she is being like this?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If she is not comfortable, she is not comfortable..end of story. If you want someone who is into that kind of thing then find another girlfriend, but don't assume that your naughty fantasies are everyone's cup of tea. This is not about her having to open up sexually...this is about her setting limits on how far she is willing to go...there is absolutely nothing wrong with her boundaries. For you to assume there is something wrong with her or that she is not sexually open just because she is not comfortable doing videos etc is really wrong and disrespectful to her.

[bhzmafia]

Interesting view.

 

Even so, I dont agree - in the sense that just because she doesnt like doing it, it doesnt mean she cant take the time out of her day to do something for me.

 

If you want someone who is into that kind of thing then find another girlfriend

Thats what I was afraid to hear...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sorry, just because a person has a partner, it doesn't mean they should compromise their values just to please their partner. Maybe YOU should be the one who is more understanding. I am sure she does plenty for you...would you also expect her to jump off a bridge if you asked her...saying that she should take the time to do that for you!

[greywolf]

Interesting view.

 

Even so, I dont agree - in the sense that just because she doesnt like doing it, it doesnt mean she cant take the time out of her day to do something for me.

 

 

Thats what I was afraid to hear...

 

It's not just about doing something for you. It's about her not being comfortable with it. Whether it's because she's afraid you'll show it to your friends or not it all boils down to her being uncomfortable with it. Those kind of things take a lot of trust, believe it or not. Or not being afraid of the whole world seeing you naked.

[bhzmafia]

She is fine with sending naked pics...

 

For whatever reason, she wont send dirty messages - thats what im more annoyed about.

[greywolf]

She is fine with sending naked pics...

 

For whatever reason, she wont send dirty messages - thats what im more annoyed about.

 

Maybe she feels dumb or silly doing it. Has she ever said why she doesn't want to?

[karvala]

Interesting view.

Even so, I dont agree - in the sense that just because she doesnt like doing it, it doesnt mean she cant take the time out of her day to do something for me.

 

Yes, but this is a highly sensitive area and there are hard limits. Imagine if she requested a video of you with a guy (and I'm assuming you're straight here), would you do it in order to take time out of your day and do something she wanted? Or would you say "no way, I don't care how much you want it, this is something I'm completely not comfortable with"?

 

Many girls won't even allow naked pictures of them for various reasons such as privacy, fear of what will happen after a breakup etc.. She's already done that for you; if she draws the line at videos, accept it and be happy with what you have.

 

That last point is particularly important because there is a suggestion here that what is really frustrating you is the lack of control, i.e. the fact that you're bumping up against limits, and you don't like that. You must learn to accept that all people in all situations have limits of some sort; there are some things that are beyond your control no matter how hard you try.

[bhzmafia]

Maybe she feels dumb or silly doing it. Has she ever said why she doesn't want to?

No, she jst says 'cos'

 

Thats probly what annoys me the most... if she told me why i could understand better - but she just refuses to

[greywolf]

No, she jst says 'cos'

 

Thats probly what annoys me the most... if she told me why i could understand better - but she just refuses to

 

Well, if she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to. If you think it's really important to a relationship then find someone else.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What's to understand...no is no..maybe she is just uncomfortable talking about it. Do you really need an explanation as to why she says no? Not everything in life needs an explanation.

[GypsyMuse]

She might just not be comfortable with it, in which case you should respect that, or she may be thinking long term, something like, what if I give him pictures and we break up and then what?

 

She has no control over what you might do with those pictures or videos if you no longer have positive or protective feelings about her. It's amazing how many retaliatory pics end up on the net, so I can't blame someone for being cautious.

[bhzmafia]

Imagine if she requested a video of you with a guy

To me thats a totally different league though. Sure, its still asking for something, but its on a whole higher level.

 

That last point is particularly important because there is a suggestion here that what is really frustrating you is the lack of control, i.e. the fact that you're bumping up against limits, and you don't like that. You must learn to accept that all people in all situations have limits of some sort; there are some things that are beyond your control no matter how hard you try.

Its not so much I cant control it, but because I dont know WHY

[greywolf]

What's to understand...no is no..maybe she is just uncomfortable talking about it. Do you really need an explanation as to why she says no? Not everything in life needs an explanation.

 

Actually, I was thinking about that after I asked him if he asked her.

If a guy I was with ever asked me, I'd be upset. I'd say he should be happy with what he got and there was no explanation needed, and how dare he question my judgment. hahahaha

[greywolf]

To me thats a totally different league though. Sure, its still asking for something, but its on a whole higher level.

 

 

Its not so much I cant control it, but because I dont know WHY

 

Just because it's a whole different league to you, doesn't mean it is to her. Everyone is different, you have to understand that.

[bhzmafia]

OK, so she is uncomfortable with it.

 

What is wrong with trying to get her to become comfortable with it?

[greywolf]

OK, so she is uncomfortable with it.

 

What is wrong with trying to get her to become comfortable with it?

 

Because that means you don't respect her.

 

What's wrong with her trying to get you to be more comfortable with screwing a guy?

[ANewPerson]

She's your girlfriend. Of 7 months no less.

 

The commitment between you two is still in it's infancy. As time goes on, and a stronger bond is forged, and if her personality allows for it, then you will see the "sexual tigress" in her emerge. As for now, she's a bit more reserved in her sexuality. That's a commendable trait in a women.

 

Some of us are "lucky" enough to have a "licentious little minx" with whom we share our affections with. But that has it's advantages......and disadvantages.......should we not have been the only ones they've shared that openess with.

 

Dont push her. Let it happen when she's ready. I applaud her for her reservations.

 

After all, it's the bashful ones that "rock your world" later on......believe me.

 

Peace out.

[karvala]

OK, so she is uncomfortable with it.

 

What is wrong with trying to get her to become comfortable with it?

 

You're not trying to get her to become comfortable with it, you're trying to get her to do it and ignore her discomfort.

[bhzmafia]

Because that means you don't respect her.

 

What's wrong with her trying to get you to be more comfortable with screwing a guy?

 

She can try - I doubt she would get anywhere... but it wouldn't be disrespectful.

Disrespectful would be instantly dismissing it without hearing the other person's POV.

 

To me, relationships are about communication and compromise. Not about completely ignoring things you want to do simply because the other person isn't happy with it. Thats what breeds unhappiness and begins cheating.

 

You're not trying to get her to become comfortable with it, you're trying to get her to do it and ignore her discomfort.

Whats the difference? If she ignores discomfort it would be comfort, wouldnt it.

[greywolf]

She can try - I doubt she would get anywhere... but it wouldn't be disrespectful.

Disrespectful would be instantly dismissing it without hearing the other person's POV.

 

To me, relationships are about communication and compromise. Not about completely ignoring things you want to do simply because the other person isn't happy with it. Thats what breeds unhappiness and begins cheating.

 

I completely agree that they are about communication and compromise. But why does she have to be the one to compromise? Secondly, you are talking about dirty text messages. Is it really that important to you?

[greywolf]

 

Whats the difference? If she ignores discomfort it would be comfort, wouldnt it.

 

What??? No it wouldn't be comfort. It would mean she's doing something she doesn't like doing, and she'll start to hate you for that. That breeds unhappiness too, by the way.

[bhzmafia]

Why does she have to be the one to compromise?

For her to compromise, its possible. She can send a couple messages now and then - maybe not even THAT dirty.

For me to compromise, it results in me hiding things I want to do and say - resulting in what I spoke of before about cheating and resentment.

 

Secondly, you are talking about dirty text messages. Is it really that important to you?

Yes.

[greywolf]

For her to compromise, its possible. She can send a couple messages now and then - maybe not even THAT dirty.

For me to compromise, it results in me hiding things I want to do and say - resulting in what I spoke of before about cheating and resentment.

 

Just because she doesn't want to send them doesn't mean that you can't.

So let me see if I've got this straight. To you it's not ok if you have to hide things, but it's ok if she feels forced about sending dirty messages?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

For her to compromise, its possible. She can send a couple messages now and then - maybe not even THAT dirty.

For me to compromise, it results in me hiding things I want to do and say - resulting in what I spoke of before about cheating and resentment.

 

 

Yes.

 

I think it is time for you to get a new girlfriend who is ready and willing to do all the dirty things your heart desires...but in the end, that may not give you satisfaction either and you still might be tempted to cheat.