Internet Dating is Just as Tricky as "normal" Dating..... Arrrgggh!

[happytobealive]

Well I've been on a site now for the last meybee... week or two. I have no idea what I'm doing. Its actually just as hard as "normal dating".

 

 

I want to go out on two dates. Is that allowed? I mean if i just go on one date with each and see what happeneds and be honest about it of course. Is that ok? Am I being reasonable? Should I tell both guys I'm going on a date with someone else?

 

 

What happeneds when you get really nice mail from someone who has gone to the effort of actually thinking past "hi how u?", and youre just not interested.(mostly because of age) The last twice that happened I got cyberly eaten alive. I said it nicely and poilitely too. Should I ignore such mail?

 

 

How many guys should I be texting/talking to on the phone? Is it like normal dating in the sense that one should only see one person at a time?

 

What should I do if one of the men I'm talking to decides he wants something else. ie. says he just want to be friends or says he has a girlfriend then starts the romantic stuff?

 

 

This whole thing is really confusing me?! Does anyone have any insight?

[GypsyMuse]

I think first you need to understand that Internet dating is more tricky than normal dating.

 

People can get away with a lot online. They lie about their age, their gender, their marital status, their hobbies.

 

When you meet a person, you can usually get some sense of whether they're telling the truth from their body language and the cues from people around them. On the net, that's not possible. You have to rely on what they tell you and sometimes what their "friends" (which could also be fake) tell you.

 

Some people on the net are very genuine but many are not.

 

Please be careful. If you date someone on the Internet, make sure someone knows where you are going and when you plan to be back. Take a cell phone if you have one and call in part way through your date to let them know you're okay.

 

There are nice people on the net, looking for friendship or love but there are also stalkers and players, make sure you are extra cautious until you know your cyberfriend better.

[richmonder80]

NO worries because those guys are doing the same thing to you so in the end it is a vicious cycle of people playing one another

[happytobealive]

I think first you need to understand that Internet dating is more tricky than normal dating.

 

There are nice people on the net, looking for friendship or love but there are also stalkers and players, make sure you are extra cautious until you know your cyberfriend better.

 

So true Im coming to realise that. If I meet any of hem Ill be safe about it.... Thanks

 

NO worries because those guys are doing the same thing to you so in the end it is a vicious cycle of people playing one another

 

No worries as regards to what? I'm not "playing" anyone.. well Im not trying to. Are you saying I should only meet one of them????

[Stambler]

Internet dating doesn't work for me.

 

I either find a woman that has 4 other guys shes "interviewing" or I meet someone who wants to fall in love after the first date.

 

OR I see beautiful pics of a woman in her profile, only to meet and find out she has a HUGE ASS! Homestly, this happens all the time!

 

I believe in serendipity, I will meet my soul mate at the grocery store when I least expect it!

[Clementine orange]

Internet dating doesn't work for me.

 

I either find a woman that has 4 other guys shes "interviewing" or I meet someone who wants to fall in love after the first date.

 

OR I see beautiful pics of a woman in her profile, only to meet and find out she has a HUGE ASS! Homestly, this happens all the time!

 

I believe in serendipity, I will meet my soul mate at the grocery store when I least expect it!

 

Yes, this is what I'm finding as well, it is most frustrating. Do you ever wonder where the "normal" people are???!!!!???

[Stambler]

Yes, this is what I'm finding as well, it is most frustrating. Do you ever wonder where the "normal" people are???!!!!???

 

 

We were all normal before our exes destroyed us, now we live on the "Island of Misfit Toys" and all carry trainloads of baggage! LoL!

[Clementine orange]

We were all normal before our exes destroyed us, now we live on the "Island of Misfit Toys" and all carry trainloads of baggage! LoL!

 

baggage only? - I got steamer trunks of the stuff. I wonder if I'm a horrorshow/shock to the women I meet on line...the few that actually get up the courage to give me a chance.

At least there is no sticker shock since my pic is my own and is recent and all that.

[happytobealive]

.

 

OR I see beautiful pics of a woman in her profile, only to meet and find out she has a HUGE ASS! Homestly, this happens all the time!

 

I believe in serendipity, I will meet my soul mate at the grocery store when I least expect it!

 

At least there is no sticker shock since my pic is my own and is recent and all that.

 

Sh|te... The pic Ive been using is recent and all that but you cant see my body. Do you guys think we should exchange more pic before we meet incase Im not what they are expecting? In myprofile it descrbes my body as slim/curvy. Because I have curves but I'm not using at as a synonym for fat....

 

You guys have really freaked me out. Will guys have an unrealistic expecttion for what they are about to meet?

[Clementine orange]

Guys love curves...believe it!

 

Putting up more than one pic might be a good idea. I have three on mine - face, body (fully clothed) and artsy fartsy one (because I am)

[m12988]

If you go on one date with each of them, i really dont see the harm done and i dont think it's absolutely necessary to tell them. In fact, like someone mentioned, they may be doing the same thing. Now I wouldn't call it playing but isn't that what people do in the dating world? Go on dates and if you don't click with someone, you pretty much say "i had a good time and all, but I dont think we're right for each other" or something like that. I'd keep the guys at about 2 at a time though because more could get slightly tricky.

 

You also mentioned because of age.....just how big a difference was it? I just want to tell you, that I almost didn't date my fiance because of age...but i realized once I got to know him...i didn't notice the 8 year age gap anymore. So basically, if you ARE interested in someone and there is a less than 10 year age gap (or what you are comfortable with)...don't let that get in the way because age gap relationships can and do work.

 

And again..definitely practice safety as you already know. Try using webcams also.....because if he says he doesn't want to use them..i'd be concerned he is hiding something. You'd want to see what he looks like and his body language etc before meeting (not to mention making sure he is who he says he is), it also helps keep you less nervous for when the actual meeting occurs.

[happytobealive]

I love my curves! But they are neat curves so I didnt want any one put off by thinking I had a few extra lbs. (some women use it when they shouldn't)

 

Right so when you met somone the first time and you saw them in person you were totally let down because they didnt look anything like their pics or because you had build up an image of what you thought the woman would be.

[m12988]

Sh|te... The pic Ive been using is recent and all that but you cant see my body. Do you guys think we should exchange more pic before we meet incase Im not what they are expecting? In myprofile it descrbes my body as slim/curvy. Because I have curves but I'm not using at as a synonym for fat....

 

You guys have really freaked me out. Will guys have an unrealistic expecttion for what they are about to meet?

 

Well, i hate to think of a guy who is interested in you but turns you down because of a few curves...and apparently they weren't worth your time anyway. That's the chance you take when you are online dating though, your expectations will not likely meet what will really happen, and thats why a lot of people may dislike online dating. In online dating, you have to learn to be realistic and realize that a picture doesn't always mean the person always looks like that.

 

To prevent the unrealistic expectations, it definitely helps to have more pictures. Maybe a few of the body....a few of the face...etc. Webcams are great too.

[crosstownTraffic]

Clementine, great post! Where are all the normal ones? I wonder that all the time!

Maybe like verifying someone's age or location, somehow they cud verify there are actually mentally stable and able to conduct a healthy, non-psuedo relationship with the opp. sex!

Oh.. even better than yours stambler.. once chatted for months a guy who claimed to be "athletic". we met.. he was 100 lbs overweight! All we did no the date was take a walk, which i felt the guy badly needed, poor thing! HE could of told me about his weight problem ahead of time..

I would of viewed him as a friend, not date material.

The web is a phonies paradies, isn't it?

[happytobealive]

It was about8/9 years i just got out of a relationship with somone 8 years older and it didnt work simple because we were at different stages of our lives. In a year or two I wouldnt mind at all. Im just not looking for "the one"

right now and somone 28 or 29 is much more likey to be expecting love, commitment and just a deep relationship in general.

 

The web cam thing is a great Idea. thanks

[richmonder80]

So true Im coming to realise that. If I meet any of hem Ill be safe about it.... Thanks

 

 

 

No worries as regards to what? I'm not "playing" anyone.. well Im not trying to. Are you saying I should only meet one of them????

 

Im saying that you can go meet multiple guys off of it because the guys are doing the same thing. What im saying is that 99% of the people on it (guys and gals) are chronic daters and players. So you seeing multiple guys isn't the issue, it is who you are going to get played by and who you will end up playing...they vicious cycle of internet dating.

[Aurian]

Well, as someone who got lucky from online dating (found a great guy, serious for over a year), some things I have noticed...

 

1) A screen name that stands out and shows your personality is a good way to stand out. My guy was browsing when he saw "Dragonlady" and he had to find out who would call herself that

 

2) A flattering picture, and try have 2-3 pics if possible. Nothing overtly sexy (you`ll get the wrong kind of attention then), but something that looks good, one a face shot, one a body shot.

 

3) Complete the profile, be honest and try let some humour and personality show. This is YOU you`re trying to get accross, not some survey thing you`re filling out. Check grammar and spelling too. Profiles that are error-ridden, incomplete or lacking in effort or personality are a turnoff. My interests and hobbies are a bit quirky, and probably turned off some people, but I want someone who wants to be with ME not some idealized image. My bf loved my guts and shared my interests.

 

4) Don`t get hung up on one person before you even met! Some people are on there just to fool around or are too shy to ever ask you out. Gotta have several lines out or you`re wasting time. Other people are probably doing the same as well. Don`t tell until things are offline and maybe getting serious.

 

5) On a similar vien, don`t spend too long just chatting online. Its great to break the ice a bit, but meet up within a week or two so you know you`re talking to someone who is who he says he is (oh wait, you`re SIXTY, 40 pounds heavier and 5 inches shorter than you claimed?), you have chemistry offline as well as online, and he wants to date (some guys seem to just like the attention with no intention of dating).

 

6) When meeting up, be safe! Go to public places like a coffee bar or choose a public event. My first meeting with my guy was at an ice skating rink - great way to break the ice and relax a bit - do a round of mini-golf, skate or bowl. Something that lets you talk while doing so (so no concerts) without being too isolated (so no hikes in the woods!).

 

7) Don`t be afraid to say if something just isnt working if you met up, or have been chatting for awhile. However, if someone just mails you and they`re not what you are looking for its okay to just delete (I tried answering early on too, and got angry replies too. Just not worth it to be polite).

 

8) If you are in an area that is lower on traffic, try out several dating sites, especially the free ones! More responses = more options for you and more chance someone you want to date will see you.

 

9) Yeah, there are crazies out there, but there are gems too. Just be patient!

[knightNshiningarmor]

im not going to read all the post so if i repeat something then just reread it...

 

first for the age problem...put in your profile you are only looking for age x-y and if they arent in that bracket then it sucks to be them you have your preferences as do they.

 

as far as dating multiple people assume they are probably as well...i think the rule is to figure out early who is going to fit your fancy better...so maybe can give both guys a second or third date but start steering away from holding multiple ltr's as it will only make making a decision later on more difficult. but i do think each should deserve at least 2 or 3 dates if you click with both of them immediately to be able to judge against the two.

 

and btw multiple long term relationships are hard as hell to pull off even if both are aware your not being exclusive...i dated two different girls that i met at about the same time for a few months and it got to the point where anytime i couldnt be with one the other just assumed i was with someone else and it began to eat them both up inside...in the end i actually ended up ending it with both of them to get back with my ex lol...so yes advice here is to be careful in stringing both along for too long because then it becomes very hard to make a decision for either one.

[wurth_skidder]

I am actually kinda in a similar situation. I have five girls I've contacted and only have gotten a response from one. Now I'm worried that I contacted too many and I'll feel bad if any of the others bought a membership hoping to talk to me. Granted, the odds are good that only one of the four left will contact me since the others don't seem overly active, but I would still feel badly if that happened. I figure worst case, I meet both, and I decide after one casual date which I want to try to date seriously.

[Aurian]

Well, keep in mind you`re not dating them yet. You just said hello.