Need to speak my mind

[Oedi]

God, today is such a bad freakin day. I went to lunch with my family friends and all i could think about is my ex. I was eating Japanese food when my ex broke up with me and that whole time i couldn't enjoy my food at all and i couldn't really eat at all either cuz i just kept on thinking of her. I really REALLY miss her. I just feel like i need to talk to her again. I broke NC last week and it didn't end well at all. I asked for forgiveness and she said more time =\. I want to give it to her. I want to talk to her so badly right now. She was like my best friend. Someone i thought i could trust forever and ever. And now i lost it. I really want her back. I don't want to lose someone i could trust so much. Relationship or not. It isn't making me feel bad anymore. I think i moved on somewhat. I don't regret anything i did now and instead im embracing them. I'm embracing my mistakes and i embrace them so i will never make the same mistakes again. I just... want to talk to her again. I want to talk to her again for hours and hours and just talk about stuff we did or what happened today. I can't do that with anyone else but her and I miss her a lot. The real stinger is when she told me she doesn't want to get back together and that we will never have a chance to get back together. She thinks that when she breaks up with someone its for a reason and she can't reconcile with the person. Those words didn't sting back then but they do now. I just don't know. Maybe i just want to be trusted again. Thats just something she can't give to me right now. I think i still need time before i talk to her but this urge to talk to her again is making me crazy. I just want some advice to hold me down so this won't happen. I still need to heal but ... i just want to like still talk to her like the old days. It's just so god damn hard right now. God i thought i was over her a few days ago and this * * * * happens.

[thejigsup]

These aren't the old days, are they? Give her the space she has asked for and it will impress her greatly. So many people cannot do that one single thing. They are too self-centered.

[justkeepon]

I'm in college and I learned to let go of hardships with friendships and relationships.

 

But if she is letting you talk to her then take is slow and play it safe. Is she letting you talk to you right now?

[Oedi]

I don't know.. the first time i talked to her we had a fairly normal convo till i brought up forgiveness then it all went to hell -_- stupid me.

 

She said she still needs more time and i told her i'll give it to her. But... i just want to talk to her again and I don't want this feeling because i know its obsessive and somewhat needy.

 

If I could tell you that she'll let me talk to her i wish i could but i can't read her mind.