predicament: help a friend vs my feelings

[starry eyed girl]

Hi everyone!

 

My friend's wife left him 6 weeks ago and 3 weeks ago she told him she wanted a divorce (they were married for 3 years). He is really hurt, lost, lonely and confused as to what he wants (he is not even sure if he would take her back or not). There has been no fighting with his ex, the divorce is moving on very quickly (no contest as to the actual legal issues) and they have had very little contact (limited to arranging the divorce papers).

 

Now the issue here is that this guy, my friend, is also my high school crush, we were great friends and we dated for a year in college. We obvioulsy always had a "thing" for each other. Immediately after we stopped dating back in college (we never had a fight or anything), I got involved with someone in a long trem relationship and my friend did not contact me for about a year. After that we started talking again (while I was with my ex boyfriend). We were just friends, but once in a chat he told me he regretted not telling me he loved me when we were dating and that he thought we would have been a great couple (I still had feelings for him but I was faithful to my boyfriend, so we agreed to continue talking just as friends). Later he started dating his now-soon-to-be-ex and got married. So for about 5 years we were both in serious relationships and kept our distance. We chatted or talked over the phone but never saw each other again. We stopped chatting at all after he got married (3 years ago). But we've kept in touch calling each other 3 or 4 times a year (birthdays, x mas, etc). I broke up with my boyfriend 2 years ago.

 

In the past months we had been talking to each other a little more than usual. He never mentioned any issue or problem with his wife during this time (we are close, but never talked about his relationship). Three weeks ago he told me about the divorce. Since then, we have been talking a lot more (every day at least twice). I feel very bad. I want to be there for him (as a friend) I survived a very rough breakup and understand the need to have someone who cares to listen to you. However, I can't deny that I still have feelings for him (after his marriage and my break up I thought a lot about our friendship and often felt like he was "the one that got away"). I really want to help him and I know he needs time to heal but I don't really know what to do. I am afraid to get together with him and I don't want to be the rebound.

 

I'd appreciate your comments.

 

Thanks y'all!

[pumpkinmoon]

I think you should try your best to keep your feelings about him to yourself for a while, just be there as a friend, help him heal and when he has done thins see where things lead x