I need advice... please?

[Dioufy]

Right, here's the deal. My girlfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago but we have been chatting like mates recently and I happy about that. However when I was going out with my ex one of my female mates told me she loved me and tried to kiss me - I obviously rejected her because I am not a cheat and I told my girlfriend the truth (that she told me her feelings but I rejected her). Now, that was about a year ago.

 

For the last year or so I have avoided her because my girlfriend felt jealous and insecure about the whole situation because we were in a long distance relationship and I saw this girl every single day. But when my girlfriend finished it I started to hang around with her and a few mates because there was no need to sacrifice going out with her and her and my mates anymore.

 

But when I rejected this girl I told her that "if I was single I would go out with you" just to make her feel better and so I wouldn't hurt her feelings - I didn't mean it though because I feel like we're good mates and not couple material.

 

She has since helped me to get over this break-up so much and even give me advice on how to get my ex back even though she told me it broke her heart.

 

But she has since told me she loves me again and wants us to atleast give it a TRY. She's an awesome mate but I don't like her in that way, but what I am asking if that it's possible could I grow to like her in that way? And for all the help she's give me should I let her have a try? I think she's funny, pretty, likes the stuff I like, can cook, likes to go out and that she loves me.

 

BUT I am totally hung up on my ex and I would take her back if she changed her problems because I have changed mine, but that's something that I don't think will happen and I am losing hope for it to ever happen and I am slightly getting over her and healing.

 

My gut and head says I don't like her in that way but I don't like hurting her feelings and I did say that if I was single I would give her a chance (I was naive - I thought me and my ex would never split up).

 

I am off out with her tonight and I know she wants to talk about it, but I don't know if I can break her heart because she's been so good to me, even though I don't feel for her in that way.

 

Should I give it a go? Or should I do, I don't know...

 

AM I A BAD PERSON?!!?

[Dioufy]

I feel rotten and I don't know why. Perhaps I should just tell her I am still in love with my ex or we should take us slowly and not rush into things. I feel like I owe her a chance but me and her would feel so wrong, very wrong.

 

Can you grow to like someone in different ways?

[mike286]

If she's someone you consider a good friend, all you really owe her is the truth. Yeah, it might throw a huge stitch in your friendship, but she needs to know and understand how you feel - that it's not going to happen and, as far as you know, it never will.

 

She's been waiting for you for a long time, even though you didn't ask her to. So now she needs to move on.

 

Trust me, I was on her end of the _exact_ same situation. The girl told me exactly how she felt/didn't feel. She was completely honest and blunt and yes, it really hurt. But I'm better off now that I've started to let her go. And I have a huge amount of respect for her for having the courage to say something like that.

 

Whatever you do, don't lead her on. It will make it worse later.

[Dioufy]

I have never lead her on but she won't give up - I have told her I don't want it in the past. However I am confused and she has hurt long enough. Perhaps when I am fully over my ex I could give it a try and see - if we agree that it won't change our very good friendship it can't do no harm. Do you agree or not?

 

I wish I had someone to speak to about this - it's worrying me so much.

 

And it will hurt my ex who I love very much. Because I know she hates her a lot, but she finished me right, so why am I still considering her feelings? I hate being the good guy, I wish I could be like some other lads when it comes to girls. But I can't hurt someone I care about, and it's either my ex or one of my best mates.