Trusting issues

[Notallthere]

Ok i dont want to seem like a nut job but my name does say it. I am mostly wanting to vent and get some ones opinion because i feel that i need an opinion from some one who is not partial to me or my wife.

 

Ill start with the fact that im 21 and my wife is 24. We have been together for almost 4 years now. We both had almost no relationship experience before we meet each other, me being the only one and it was only one semi-serious relationship before her which ended badly. She has never had another relationship other than I. We both lost our virginity to each other as well. So what im getting at is that we both are young yes, but we both love each other very much. We married about 6 months ago and at first both sides of our family were not supportive, but eventually they all were very happy for us. I have hear d all of the 'Your to young' stories that there are.

 

For the first few month into dating everything was great and wonderful, we moved in together around 1 year of dating and at that point things got even better. About 3 months after that though we had a huge fight. She had told me she was going out with her brother for a drink and i didnt mind that, because i had plans to go to my buddy's house to hang out. I Had come back home at the time she said she would be there( i needed her keys to get in because we had just moved to a new house and had only one set of keys), and i waited for almost 4 hours outside till she got home, and by now it was 3am. When she did get home, her brother dropped her off and she was puking everywhere and was completely gone. I went ballistic and left for an hour to calm down and then came home and took care of her to make sure she was ok and got into bed alright. The next morning she woke up and we talked about what had happened and she lied to me about the whole thing, and the reason i know this is because the next day i talked to her about it again and she told me what she had said wasn't true. She had told me she was going out to have a drink with her brother, which she did, but she didn't tell me she was going out to also meet a guy she used to have a big crush on. And she never said anything to me about what happened after they met. We got into it again and eventually everything was worked out. I thought i had gotten over it.

 

I hadn't even been upset about that whole thing for the longest time, when ever i thought about it it never bothered me. Now for some reason, some 3 and a half years later, i don't know why, but its being re-hashed and i think about it and it bothers me allot. Its hindering me from trusting her. Like when ever she leaves or is a little late i wonder. I have all these thoughts in my head about what might happen and if she might never come back some day.

 

Now i didn't mean to write a novel but this has been on my chest for a long time and i have some many feelings put into it and i need some closure or something that will make me stop thinking about this.

 

I love her more than anything and i couldn't Imagen the rest of my days without her, and i know she feels the same just by the small things she does and the way she looks at me.

 

So what i want to know is how can i be so confident in her love in me, and still not be able to trust the way i should.

[DN]

She messed up bigtime.

 

Once.

 

Since then you have married her - and that means that you accepted her word when she vowed at the wedding to 'forsake all others'.

 

Now you have to keep your part of the bargain and 'love and cherish her'.

 

Let it go because if you don't it will undermine your marriage and ruin the happiness of both of you.

[Notallthere]

She messed up bigtime.

 

Once.

 

Since then you have married her - and that means that you accepted her word when she vowed at the wedding to 'forsake all others'.

 

Now you have to keep your part of the bargain and 'love and cherish her'.

 

Let it go because if you don't it will undermine your marriage and ruin the happiness of both of you.

 

Thats what i have been thinking, I just wasn't sure if i should talk to her about it and maybe rehash old feelings or if i should let it stay where its at.

[DN]

There is no benefit in bringing it up and a lot of downside. I think she would be devastated to think you don't trust her after all this time - and feel very misled.

 

This is your problem to deal with and to burden her with it after all this time would be just plain wrong.

 

Let it go - she loves you and only you. She said so.

[Notallthere]

Thank you very much. Its what i needed