Didn't get to say goodbye and need to

[Suzanne1281]

I have been having a really hard time the past few days with wanting to write a goodbye or have a goodbye conversation with my ex. I'm so tempted to do it so I can have closure b/c we never did have closure. I want to move on. I know the importance of NC and I preach it b/c I see now that it's important-but we never broke up up and I never got my goodbye and closure.

 

He has been stringing me along back and forth for 2 months now with "I'm still in love with my ex", "I still want you." He calls usually every week and half to hang out, we don't talk about our issues and if he's going back to her or me or not. The only conversation I want to have with him is "I don't trust you right now. I don't want a relationship with you, I want you when you are healthy and happy again. Goodbye." He came to my museum opening last Tuesday, it was like old times again. I put pictures up online for him from it the next day and he cowered and said "I don't want my ex to start a fight with me-I know it will happen." Then proceeded to kiss up to me again. I haven't heard from him since.

 

He is now going to be on the road for the next two weeks and will stop in his hometown a few times, where his ex lives. GOd knows what will happen there. Even if they do get back together I'm comforted by the fact that he is still not being honest with her or faithful. I just feel like maybe he cut off contact with me again b/c he wants to feel less guilty around her and have it in his mind that he's being "honest" with her.

 

I have anxiety really bad as a result of all of this. I'm going to counseling starting today in fact. I have a history of anxiety and this situation with him has kicked it up a huge notch. I want to be able to just tell him to bugger off, I just want to feel better and get closure before he leaves.

 

What do I do?

[thejigsup]

You know what to do, you just don't want to do it. He isn't worth anyone's time. Yours or his ex's. She is one of his victims too, isn't she?

[Missempty]

I completely support the counseling idea! We are all here to say supportive things, give you advice, make you feel better and tell you that you are not alone, but we are still not professionals, hehe. Counseling is the way to go, and I believe it will offer you the closure that you want.

[Suzanne1281]

I know-I just feel like he never gave me the chance to rant. Apparently he let his ex go nuts on him and met up with her to talk, etc, etc. I just want the chance to have the same opportunity. I am repressing my anger at him and it isnt' fair.

 

I can't breathe and am blacking out from this anxiety. It's just too much to handle anymore.

[PixelPusher]

I've always been one to say that closure has to come from within you. Rant at him all you want in a letter, and then burn it. Nothing is going to come from this if you contact him to vent. It's just going to make you feel worse and will bring up even more unanswered questions: "Why did he look at me that way?" "Doesn't he care how I feel?" "I can't believe he laughed!" You'll NEVER get closure from an outside source... it's got to come from YOU.