am I being deceitful?

[strawberry]

Hey everyone.

You always give me such great advice and I really need your help with this one. So, if you refer to my previous posts awhile back, you'll know for a long time I was in a pretty bad relationship with my ex.....he was really depressed and angry all the time. I started having feelings for my best guy friend and once my ex and I split, we actually started dating a year after. Everything is fine etc, but we seem to have some sexual compatibility problems....he NEVER wants to have sex....maybe once every 2 weeks....and while we've talked about it, it makes me feel ugly and self-conscious.

well.....my current b/f, hates my ex with a passion and hates when i talk to him. while there arent any romantic feelings there, I still find the need to talk and see him every once in a while (he lives 2 hours away....goin to grad school). I think this is b/c we have always leaned on one another for emotional support....esp. since im still dealing with an eating disorder, i find my ex is really the only person i feel comfortable talking to about it...and he makes me feel better. My b/f doesnt understand, and doesnt know how much i talk to my ex.

 

I feel like a bad person keeping it from him, but I would NEVER cheat on him....he just gets so jelous and insecure every time i bring him up. well the ultimate question: I have the day off today and I was going to travel the 2 hrs to see my exboyfriend just to have dinner and stuff....i wasnt going to tell my b/f. I just need emotional support right now and he is REAL friend to me...i cant let it go. should I not go? Is it wrong?

 

any advice would be appreciated.

[Excalibur]

It's not wrong - it's just shows your issues, insecurities, etc.

[ghost69]

get a new bf. stop talking with the ex.

[raffi_FL]

How would you feel if your bf was in your situation and the roles were reversed? Would you want to know?

[TFulton88]

You're not wrong to think this way, but think of it from his perspective.

 

He's already nervous about this, and if you start keeping from him visiting your ex, that would only lead to more suspicion. I think you should tell him you're going. Like I said, you aren't wrong for wanting to avoid a bad situation, but I wouldn't blame your ex either for being nervous.

[Excalibur]

Here's the thing...you had this terrible relationship with the ex, but you believe he's the only one that sympathizes with and understands you. You consider yourself a defective walked wounded because of the eating disorder - so you want another "walked wounded" to affiliate with - the ex.

 

But you want this boyfriend that own't have sex with you because he's not that into sex, while you want sex becuase you believe it proves your attractiveness and worth - to stick around while you see this other guy that 'understands you".

 

YOU have issues - you don't know how to have a relationship, but you've got a couple of situations going full steam here.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Even if the contact is 'innocent', if he catches wind that you are having dinner and drinks with your ex in another town, it is over. He'll never believe you are faithful to him.

 

There are lots of people you can find for support with your eating disorder, including support groups. You don't have to go to your ex for that. That sounds like the excuse you are using to justify seeing your ex to yourself.

 

If you really want to keep the frienship with the ex, restrict it to phone conversations, or seeing him WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND with you. Your boyfriend might trust you then and agree it is OK to be friends if you are all friends together.

 

But sneaking around behind your boyfriend's back smacks of an emotional affair, even if there is no sex involved. It will backfire in your face eventually when he finds out about it.

[novaseeker]

 

But sneaking around behind your boyfriend's back smacks of an emotional affair, even if there is no sex involved. It will backfire in your face eventually when he finds out about it.

 

Definitely -- very good advice here. Whether you want to admit it to yourself, you *are* sneaking around -- and that's never a good thing in any relationship.

[i_win]

You have too much drama in your life for only being 16. Maybe take a break from the ladies and focus on hanging out with friends and schoolwork.

 

Just my advice and my opinion, though, it's your life.

[redhearts]

You shouldn't lie to your bf, but its only lying if he asks if you talk to him and you say no. If he doesn't ask no need to tell him. But you ex became a good friend, if your current man doesn't understand, maybe you should get a man who respects that aspect of you more.

 

Look at it this way, how would you feel if your bf was talking to his ex and you later found out? Would you be upset, all truths? Would you be upset that he talks to her here and there, that they get along and see each other?

[strawberry]

thanks everyone.

 

i know the right thing is to not go....so Im not going. I know its shady and wrong. I just needed a second opinion. I want to be honest with my boyfriend, so I know not going to see my ex is the right thing to do.

[ghost69]

also, lose all contact with the ex.