How do I stop the dreams?

[Dancerdlk]

I need some advice..

 

My bf broke up with me about 3 weeks ago (is seeing a new girl now - went out a week later with her).

 

I can't sleep at night. i fall asleep fine but every morning i wake up at 5:30 am after horrible dreams about them..

 

i can't control the dreams. They are awful - getting worse and more elaborate..

 

did anyone else experience this? can give advice about how to stop it or even to stop the thoughts of "oh my god, how did he sleep with her, did he do this did he do that, does he like kissing her???"

 

those thoughts are maddening..

 

any advice would be helpful...

[Suzanne1281]

I have! For three weeks I went through this. I woke up at 3AM every morning and when I did sleep I was having nightmares of him and his ex that he left me for taunting me. It was horrible.

 

You have symptoms of anxiety right now which I think is normal in a situation like this.

 

However, you ARE going to get through this. Because I did.

 

Start doing very positive things in your life. Make very positive CHANGES. TAKE CONTROL!

 

I started going to meditational breathing classes that will help you out a LOT with relaxing and it will quell your anxiety. You can do these excecises anywhere including before you go to bed.

 

I started taking a natural supplement called Valerian Root. Take 2 or three an hour before bed and at least for me, the nightmares and waking up at 3am finally went away. I also drink a cup or two of the brand

Yogi Tea. It's the "Calming" tea. Trust me, it will help. Yogi "Bedtime" tea is also very calming. You can find the Valerian and Yogi Tea in the organic section of your grocery store or at any organic store.

 

Don't drink alcohol to help you sleep. This makes it worse.

 

Don't try and fall asleep too early. I started staying up a bit later. I'm a bit more tired in the morning but not in the state I was when I was waking up in the middle of the night.

 

TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS. Even if they don't have advice for you, hearing yourself talk about the breakup out loud makes you think a bit more rationally. Part of the reason you (and I) were having nightmares is you are holding it all in and thinking about it. So of course you're going to have nightmares.

 

Hope this helps. Please PM me if you need to talk. And if I think of some more tips, I'll let you know.

[bobster]

Hey!

My only advice would be (what someone told me to do) to read something positive (your favourite mag or good book) before you go to bed, that's how I got over a similar situation years ago. It sounded no use to me at first but I found it helped. Those dreams do dissappear in time though.

 

How long were you guys going out for?

 

Just a thought,

Hope that helped

[Suzanne1281]

Oh-stay away from caffeine for a while. No coffee and no soda. If you need a pick-me-up because you are tired, there are breathing exercises that really will work to wake you up when you need it.

[riley123]

Hi there,

 

I think at some point we all have moments where we freak about what our ex maybe up to, or who they are with, but the best thing that you can do is come to terms with the situation you are in.

 

First, remember is that no two relationships are the same. Your ex will never ever be able to replicate or reproduce any of the things you two shared during your relationship with this new person. Take some comfort in that.

 

Second, think about your relationship with him. What about him drove you crazy? There has to be a few things. Be honest with yourself and write them down on a piece of paper. Every time you wake, or have thoughts about him, take out the paper and remind yourself about those things.

 

Third, do you really want someone who broke up with you and within weeks is already seeing someone else? Don’t you deserve someone better? Someone who wants to be with only you? Think about that – and if your answer is yes, then your ex wasn’t the person for you.

 

My last bit of advice is to force your mind not to exaggerate what might be going on. All you know is that he is seeing her. Don’t torture yourself by wondering if they are sleeping together, kissing, etc. There’s no point because there’s nothing you can do to change it.

 

Good luck. I know it’s painful and there’s no magic formula, but you will start to feel better, you just need to let go.

[Clabs]

Hey dancer

 

Those dreams suck, don't they? The one time you'd hope to get a bit of peace and quiet and goddamit - even in your sleep you can't get any peace.

 

As the others have said - the dreams will peter out eventually but for now you have to suck it up.

 

I love the advice you have been given on here - Suzanne's suggestions sound fantastic and i wish she had been around to give me that advice when I was in a similar position to you. I really think you should try them.

 

For my part - I got so fed up waking early and not being able to sleep that I ended up just getting up and getting on with things - catching up on work emails, pottering about, putting some washing on - anything was more productive than laying there worrying myself silly.

 

Things are still very raw for you at the moment so take it a day at a time - it will get easier hun.

 

Mark

[Dancerdlk]

Thank you all for the posts... fyi we were together just about 2 years.. (living together for one)

 

Its so hard... i am trying to move forward but that requires letting go completely, and I am having a hard time with that... i still have hope and still believe in us.. but he apparentlly doesnt... i just want us to get back together.

 

I wish he wasn't my dream man. he came into my life, swept me off my feet and made me fall in love with him and i feel like i pushed him away.

 

 

[Dancerdlk]

PS, you guys have been SO SO SO helpful.. i can't thank you enough for the support.. its keeping me going..

[Suzanne1281]

Dancer,

 

Two years is a long time and it's going to take a little while to get through. And that's ok. Don't try and force yourself to feel anything. Healing comes with time.

 

If it's been a while and you are still feeling really bad, go and get counseling. It does a world of good. I wouldn't go for like, 3 years when I had anxiety and when I finally did, I finally realized the meaning of the words "weight off your chest." You feel 100 times lighter after you go.

 

There's a book you need to go get and read. It's called "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt. It's the same guy who wrote "He's Just Not that Into You." It's hilarious and helps you through the bad stuff. It cited my exact situation in there and helped me realize a LOT about the guy I was missing so much. Trust me, go and get the book.

 

I know how you feel-a lot of us do. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. Time is key. In the meantime, please take our suggestions, write in as much as you need, TALK TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY and remember, it's totally ok to go and seek professional counseling if you feel like it.

[brandnew1]

it's been 3 months for me and i still dream of him every night. the worst are the ones where i think he's next to me and i wake up realizing we are not together anymore. i wish they would stop. im with you.

[wtm78]

I need some advice..

 

My bf broke up with me about 3 weeks ago (is seeing a new girl now - went out a week later with her).

 

I can't sleep at night. i fall asleep fine but every morning i wake up at 5:30 am after horrible dreams about them..

 

i can't control the dreams. They are awful - getting worse and more elaborate..

 

did anyone else experience this? can give advice about how to stop it or even to stop the thoughts of "oh my god, how did he sleep with her, did he do this did he do that, does he like kissing her???"

 

those thoughts are maddening..

 

any advice would be helpful...

 

for me.. i let my emotions crash... i think it is the fastest to heal that way.. as soon as you reach rock bottom.. you are on your way up... all the best..