crushing at work

[jul-els]

Hello,

 

I was wondering it anyone has any tips on methods/ettiquette for showing interest towards a co-worker. She seems to be possibly interested in me but I'm not completely sure. She could just be naturally friendly/flirty/outgoing, I don't really know her well enough to be sure. I have personally always had a very strict code against dating in the workplace. If it turns out unfavorably, it could put quite the potential damper on my worklife and my job is very important/valuble to me. But with this girl I'm having a little difficulty remembering that rule.

 

I just get a vibe from her like she may be interested. I could be completely imagining it though. What are the percieved signs of interest, you ask? Well, the first one, which I'm not sure what to think of due to alcohol and the fact that I was spoken for at the time, but I went out with some of my co-workers one Fri. night for a drink. At one point, I went over to the jukebox and she just came up and started dancing with me in a really friendly manner, I mean, y'know, body contact and such. The other time that seems to me like may be an overt indication was this past week. It was my bday, so I invited her and a few other co-workers out for a drink after work. We were all talking and having a generally good time and we got on to the subject of sex and the women were talking about what famous women they would consider as sexual partners. When this girl that I'm interested in began to chime in, I guess I blew my cover because she instantly laughed and said I perked right up and showed noticeable interest in what she was saying. I didn't think I did but maybe I did. Maybe I did just a little and she exagerrated my reaction as a means of flirting with me. She thought it was funny and she touched my arm, which I normally interpret as a pretty clear sign of interest. When we were all parting ways, the ladies were all giving me a hug and the girl I like gave me a kiss on the cheek. I mean, I don't know her well at all. It was nice and also very friendly considering that the two of us are barely beyond the stage of acquaintances. The other thing is I've never dated anyone I work with before. As I said, in the past it's always gone against my policy but now I find myself entertaining thoughts of breaking that rule.

 

If we did date and things for some reason did not go well, I'm afraid it would affect my job. I am an artist and a musician primarily but I've been at this job for 8 yrs. and it is my lifeline, my bread and butter so to speak. I like it there. To jeopardize that position would be foolish. I would have a hard time finding a gig as good as the one I have now. Also -ok, I'm a dork- but it seems a little odd to me trying to show interest at the workplace. Just don't have the experience. I feel like I'm back in high school. What if it comes down to the point that she is not interested? In the outside world that would be fine as I would never have to see her again. But since I work with her, it seems as though I would have to aquire a taste for crow, as I would be eating a steady diet of it for quite a long time. I guess that's fear talking, I'm not sure, but on the other hand the possibility of that type of an outcome dosen't seem all that illogical either however great or small it may be.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm just better off admiring this one from afar and just enjoying the little exchanges we have. There are always many more fish in the sea that are just as good, I suppose. But is this providence? After all she's right there in front of me, right at the next desk over from mine. Hmmm... I don't know it's funny, I guess. I'm really crushing a lot on this girl but because of the environment I seem be managing to get myself flustered in regards to the appropriate boundaries. But damn, she's hot! God, I'm being a dork! Damn workplace!

[Dako]

In a nutshell, I believe if someone is really wonderful, whatever excellent career position you've attained is secondary. If you can decide she's worth risking your job, don't let your strict moral code keep you from pursuing love. If your career is that important, let her go.

 

Companies have strict rules about this, but many happy couples met on the job and it will always be that way despite big brother's denial of the facts.

[jul-els]

I don't know if she's really wonderful or not, don't know her well enough to say. She is really nice though. Don't know that I'm ready for love yet either, as I am fresh out of a relationship. This is just like a schoolboy crush, but it's a strong one. Perhaps it's best that I leave well enough alone.

[Lucy__lou]

If you can build a strong working relationship with her first, then anything which may follow, will have a bit of a safety net. If it goes belly up, you can fall back onto the working relationship, whereas if there were nothing but the romantic stuff, anything which doesn't work out will leave a greater dent on the work environment.

 

Get to know her in a friendly workerly way. You may want to talk about non work stuff, as you're getting to know each other, but ensure you also talk about work stuff, that way if you get too close and need to wind it back, you can go back to talking just about work stuff and it won't seem so weird.

 

There's also the option of working within the constraints. I also have a co worker I'm attracted to, and I think it's probably mutual. But neither of us have gone beyond work relationship. We talk a lot and it's good. Even within tight boundaries of not getting involved with colleagues the energy which flows between two people when they have an attraction can be thrilling in itself. Have you seen that film 'like water for chocolate'?

 

My point being, that before you go breaking any rules you have for not dating work colleagues, remember that there's a long way you can go in getting closer in the working relationship and as friends before it gets to the point of no return when you inevitably wind up jumping each other's bones.

 

well just my 2c

[lanty3]

Hmmm, sounds like she initiated alot of physical contact;WITHOUT PERMISSION! You`ve

got a great lawsuit going for you. Don`t let anyone tell you it`s your fault for allowing it to continue, just say you were intimidated and now you`ve had enough! It`s all about equality, man.

Seriously though, why do females feel so free to initiate physical contact? Do they think men are sooo desperate for attention?{ oh thankyou for even noticing me, goddess, i`m not worthy, i`m not worthy}.If you went up and innocently touched her arm, she could "press charges", sue and win and generally make your life quite unpleasant. Not out of some real or perceived wrong, but just out of spite. Ya know, "we`re women,we can."

Grit your teeth and make a move. There`s an old saying...something about "getting off the pot."