Judgement based on appearance (personal style in clothing), anyone?

[DJG]

Hey everybody.I consider myself not bad looking guy (tall, blond, blue eyed) that has somewhat non mainstream way of expressing himself trough clothing, accessories, hobbies in Ontario, Canada.For example i can wear vintage orange jacket with variety of zippers, which was "the it" before i was born and same thing is back now trough known brand names for men.Then i have one of a kind shorts with neon lights idea of multi colored vertical lines all over, semi recent purchase.Can be totally different scheme of black nail polish and gothic wrist band.You get the idea of not your average kid that walks down the street, enjoys a movie on a big screen wearing plain t-shirt and jeans.Let me add that it has nothing to do with work, study place where you have strict dress code.

My unpleasant feeling, even fear comes from intolerance of others.Seems that i can't walk for twenty minutes without strangers expressing their "blargh!" such as laughing, beeping or even calling names to my face.It happens more often when nobody's near so i don't think that friends even believe me.One time situation has gotten ugly: police had to sort out violent guy.Frankly, i'm getting sick of this when i live in central area of the town.

Question to readers: will you, in any way, be judgemental to somebody that looks different (only based on their pink hair or flashy shorts)?Please be honest and explain your thoughts, believes.

Also: is brand name/obviously expensive clothing that i might wear will make an effect of red cloth piece to a bull?Let's say if i will be on the bus.

Appreciate all of your thoughts on this

[Batya33]

I do form an impression of someone in part based on what they wear where what they wear is relevant to the situation. Such as, what someone chooses to wear on an interview, on a first date with me, to go to a formal function, whether they dress a certain way to attract stares or shock from people, etc. I don't find it inordinately judgmental - I find it reasonable human nature.

 

I know my limits and boundaries and if someone regularly dressed like you - in all situations - not just for parties or costume parties, etc I might be uncomfortable being your partner - I would have a concern about your strong focus on these types of clothes, and I would feel awkward taking you to places where there was a dress code, like work functions, certain restaurants, certain formal functions. That's not my entire life but it's enough of my life that it would matter to me.

 

Otherwise, I wouldn't judge a random stranger and would try not to stare as long as he or she wasn't staring at me, etc- I have better things to do with my time.

[redhearts]

Oh ya go for it and express yourself! Thats super awesome possom!!!! I think if your absolutely drop dead gorgeous, most people won't really care what you wear! Unless you seen Mary Kate girl, yes female, but thats just not what you go out in public with. Or clothes that look like they belong to the salvation army or goodwill.

[DJG]

Batya33, fair enough.There's no question about places with a dress code or certain standards required.I don't always wear something that you might call a shocker and, certainly, not to make an impression on somebody.To me something like bright shorts isn't big deal at all.It's variety or combination of pieces that makes me feel sexy and good at this very moment, i'm liking myself that way.

I would not pass a judgement to strangers face even if i hate something about their looks.Even more, will try not to be judgemental because it's just clothing on your free day.

[Batya33]

There's a difference between forming an impression and being judgmental and there's a difference between that and expressing that impression or judgment in a rude or disrespectful way. It sounds like you're lumping it all together as somehow "wrong."

 

Yes, you're entitled to wear what you want when there's no dress code/requirements, etc and to wear it without being bothered or mistreated. but at the same time it's unfair to expect people to accept your choices as positive, as opposed to neutral.

[DJG]

Binoo, can't agree more.Guilty of thinking "What a bimbo!" but, on the other hand, it's probably partially because she has certain features that i like.So i would not call it being negative and/or judgemental all the way since it stays in my head, i admire something about that person as well.

"The difference is, it's one thing to associate someone with a stereotype, it's another to voice this and automatically convey contempt for that person."

Exactly.Yelling negative stuff at somebody who walks down the street, i mean come on.Sometimes it feels that enough people don't have proper parenting or just my parents taught me well enough.

How have you fought harassment and was it serious?I'm glad that you feel me.

[annie24]

i went out for lunch one day dressed all in black - these really crazy cut black yoga pants, black tank top, and black fishnet shirt. i heard some girl over at the next table make a snarky comment, 'nice shirt.' i was thinking of setting her straight, but then i decided against it. i don't usually dress like that, but i was in a day long dance class, and my kind of unconventional clothing was just related to the fact that i didn't have time to change into something more 'normal.' she was with a date. if he was paying attention, i think he would have seen how judgemental that comment was, unless he is like that too and that turns him on.

 

i know i've certainly worn lots of crazy stuff/makeup on the way to or from a dance class or stage performance, so i've gotten the weird looks myself! i try not to judge what others are wearing, i figure they also might be on the way to a performance, or maybe they just like different clothing. that's ok. i would let any mean comments slide off your back, keep walking. if they want to dress like sheep and all shop at the GAP, let them.

[DJG]

redhearts, "I think if your absolutely drop dead gorgeous, most people won't really care what you wear!"

I did not say "drop dead" but i've been told that above average With looking good it's another problem: envy.Nobody's blind or stupid.That angry person in a public place just wants to be me or maybe he/she was always dreaming of that clothing article.Might be as simple as they're having a bad day and i'm smiley, kind.

"Thats super awesome possom!!!!", thanks for making me smile

[Batya33]

When I see someone who is dressed oddly or "bimbo-like' I force myself to make up various scenarios that are positive or non-judgmental - like Annie alluded to. for example, I decide that she met some hot guy and didn't have clothes to change into the next morning, that she is an actress/performer, or that he got locked out of his apartment all night, lol. It reminds me not to stereotype or judge, and it's fun!

[DJG]

Batya33, "but at the same time it's unfair to expect people to accept your choices as positive, as opposed to neutral."

I don't expect anything positive or negative.I know what's not supposed to happen: obvious judgement to my face from strangers, which i'm talking about.

[DJG]

annie24, let me be specific: one time i was walking in the middle of the day and near the entrance of a nearby building two guys were getting into parked car.I crossed the street without even looking their way and as i've been passing that car one of the guys goes with loud, angry "Fag" which he would not stop saying while i've made my turn.There was nothing to pick at, except dark blue with white top that has a lion and Tommy word on it.Plain clothing without anything over the top at all.Well, except the fact that many people know how much it is and not everybody can afford that.

What i don't like is seems that there always will be that "bad apple" who will open their mouth for no reason.Even worse, enough of them to always find right timing when i have to walk alone or what not.Frankly, i don't even care what's their problem but, at the end of the day, it's my mood that is ruined by them.

'Nice shirt' can be understood in different ways, of course that girl was picking on you, but technically won't compare to abusive level that i mean.

[annie24]

yes, i think men and women react differently - women are more underhanded and sneaky like that. in all truth, she probably felt threatened by what i was wearing near her bf! or probably felt like she couldn't look half as good as me in a fishnet top, lol!

 

guys can be a lot more... i guess, in your face about it. it seems like they were more trying to prove their 'straightness' to each other. i think the guys who are most homophobic usually are gay themselves.

[DJG]

Binoo, i feel for what you've been trough twice as much now because you're a girl and younger than me.I can't imagine how stranger can hit teen girl only because he/she doesn't like her gothic clothing.That is simply sick, excuse my weird choice of words.

"At the end of the day, it's my choice if I want to dress the way I do."

But why not calling the cops if you're at the point of physical damage?Abusers can wear whatever they like, slap you and somebody else around if you will walk away.If you will let them step on you more and more then there could be no tomorrow.Mental pain has it's boundary.Probably police is something that you don't believe in, right?It's worth a try even if nobody would be found.At least you've done your part in trying to stop it.

[DJG]

annie24, in any case it's not a healthy trend that society is encouraging by doing nothing against such situations.There was quite a few different examples on this matter in my life and when some got out of hand-i responded.My though is that we're letting it happen by not acting back and we should because, otherwise, it might be harder for somebody else next time.

Girls are cruel in more of a "hush-hush" and gossiping behind your back way or, at least, judging from own experience.I'm not saying that it's better than yelling in my face but still quite not the same.Probably it's also because i'm a guy and a girl would not dare.

In that particular case with sporty outfit of yours: i would do something like "What!" stare at her which meant that you're not taking it.

[DJG]

Batya33, "It reminds me not to stereotype or judge, and it's fun!"

Can't agree more.It seems that, most of the time, i can relate to possibility of totally different lifestyle than my own so it even comes to not being my business why certain person is wearing something.Also, i'm curious about the world and not looking, thinking the same is more of a plus.Unfortunately, negativity makes it less pinky and nice.

Yes, scenario thingy *hehe* Somebody who grabbed my attention will, probably, make me wanna wish that i would be getting to know them better.Sometimes i might imagine how their life must be like and that it's interesting, unique.In any case, positive experience.

[DJG]

Looking at stats of this topic i've got to thinking: not even single reply from a male point of view when it's over a hundred of readings? I love you girls for keeping this thread alive but, also, can't believe that guys don't have what to say, i know they're here and active.Unspoken negativity?