my partners on a sex and swingers websites

[hanny88]

my partner of 3 years is not very computer savvy, and the other week when browsing my history column to find an old website, i was shocked to find that he had been browsing, and created an account on link removed for himself.

(to me) we both have a really good relationship, and great communication, healthy sex life and are very happy ect. so to come accross this has actually made me a bit upset! considering he was looking for single women in his area for 1 on 1 sex & group sex, and has been emailing women, im rather concerned. i bought the issue up with him the other night and he's said that he's looking to further our relationship by meeting people and making friends, and if all goes well, have a bit of fun and experimentation down the track.

is my man being genuine and honest, or has he done this thinking i wouldnt know? and should i be as concerned as i am? a bit of help and some other peoples opinion would be greatly appreciated.

[kevinm]

I think if he were in a relationship with you he should have spoken with you about this first. I smell a cover up story frankly. Sorry.

 

-Kevin

[flow2000]

point of the matter is very simple...is he looking for a new women to be sex partners with him alone or both of u? If yes, ask him if it is ok if you had a threesome with another guy?

If he is not ok with sharing u with other men (hypothetically speaking) then he will cheat on you with other women sooner or later.

Time of ask yourself, what do you want for yourself?

[hanny88]

yeah i was most distraught when he said he wanted to bring someone else into the relo. felt pretty crap!

[LonelyTylenol]

Ok, listen; you found out he was was looking for other women by ACCIDENT. He was looking for them BEHIND YOUR BACK. He gave an EXCUSE as to why, BUT only when YOU found out and BROUGHT IT UP.

 

So, to answer your question, YES; he did do this thinking you wouldn't know or find out. Now that you have, he's seeing how far he can push it. Since you weren't initially outraged by his actions of seeking another partner (or partners), he's seeing how far he can take things. He uses words like 'fun', 'experimentation', and '3some' to now see how you'll react.

 

He intended to cheat on you. He wants to have sex with other people - with or WITHOUT you. It was supposed to be without you...until you found out stuff and starting asking questions.

 

How do you feel about that?

 

It is for you alone to decide.

[hanny88]

thanks heaps for you're reply, i like the way you have worded it and it's opened my eyes. my bf's a loser!

[Cognitive_Canine]

If you don't like the idea of a threesome, you should clearly state it. If he keeps bringing it up, he can find another girl to have "Adventures" with.

 

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt about the website but only if the rest of the relationship was going great and he hadn't tried to pull stuff like this before.

 

He better be making it up to you, imo...

[CrazyKing]

My mother told me how my father used to be "fed up" with sexual routine and asked her how it would be if they'd go to swinger meetings & that sort of things, often I discover that my father's looking at that kind of sites and even gay porn... Dunno, it's like a disease nowadays because the relationships of most people are based on sex so much that in most cases the man get's bored... Same with my sister and her husband - I don't call that a healthy relationship where the need for having sex with a different person is actual...

[lady00]

What did you decide to do? It really sounds like he is lying.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think he was looking to cheat and got caught. He had selected 'one on one' too, which means him alone with another woman. that particular site is for people looking for 'discreet' sexual relationship, not 'friends'....

 

I'd probably leave him, and get tested for STDs. If you stay, wear condoms and be prepared for him to cheat.

[hanny88]

i really appreciate everyones replies, and all of them have been of help. it's not the first time he has suggest this before. once, about 8-9 months ago he bought it up, and i quite clearly stated that i wasnt interested; so he left it! now he's started to bring it back in to conversation, about havn sex with other couples and stuff, and goin behind my back, not knowing i would find what he'd been looking at. hmm....interesting situation i have on my hands

[kuiks8]

The whole thing sounds really fishy to me. Why would he go on the website to find more people for both of you if you hadn't discussed that as an option...smells bad to me!

[kuiks8]

i really appreciate everyones replies, and all of them have been of help. it's not the first time he has suggest this before. once, about 8-9 months ago he bought it up, and i quite clearly stated that i wasnt interested; so he left it! now he's started to bring it back in to conversation, about havn sex with other couples and stuff, and goin behind my back, not knowing i would find what he'd been looking at. hmm....interesting situation i have on my hands

 

Ok so that is worse then I thought. If you have been clear that you aren't interested then i would be fairly concerned that he is on those sites behind your back.

[AmyJ]

I went through pretty much the same situation. I was living with my boyfriend of 3 years. I was emptying the trash next to his desk and a post-it note was stuck to the rim. I pulled it out and saw it was covered with women's names in his writing. I looked closer and there was a web address with a user name and password. I went to the site and it was ADULT FRIEND FINDER. I entered his info and lo and behold, my sweet, nice, mild mannered, very proper boyfriend had posted a photo of his "goods" online, and had also been sending very nasty messages to women near our city (guess he didn't want to run into anyone while walking around with me).

 

I was shocked!!! I confronted him and he tried to play it off, much like what your boyfriend said to you. He acted like it was all innocent, him "just looking", etc. He also said he wanted me to join in on it with him, he thought it would be good for us to post photos online, to both chat with women on AFF. After I thought about it and talked to my good friends, I became angry.

 

He tried to make it like it was nothing...well, it was something! He had been doing this behind my back, he had never intended for me to find this out! (you should keep that in mind too) I had a long discussion with him about how upset I was and he said he would stop. My friends didn't believe him, they didn't want me to get hurt. They made up a fake email and contacted him, and told him they saw his profile and wanted to hook up. He RESPONDED. He wrote them a dirty email back, and arranged to meet them at a bar. He even told me he had to work late when the time came for the "date". We all confronted him and he broke down and admitted he had still been online.

 

All that time he had sworn he had just been chatting and had never met any women, but now I am not so sure because of that stunt. It took me a while but I DID dump him. It was hard, because of all the years together, the house we had together, our possessions...but it had to be done. I was sick of being stressed, worried about being lied to, wondering about every email and cell call he got. That is not love. You have to love yourself first. If someone loves you, they wouldn't be doing this stuff behind your back. It is different if a guy is up front with it from the start, and wants you in on it, but watch out if you happen to DISCOVER it accidentally.

 

That is my 2 cents. I hope it helps.

 

PS - I am soooooooooo happy now! I can't believe how I wasted time on that creep when I look back now.

[Hope75]

If he was really looking on this website to 'further your relationship by meeting other people', why didn't he broach this topic with you before creating a profile and shopping around?

 

There are 2 people in this relationship, and the fact that he went to the site without your knowledge or input for something that was supposed to 'enhance your relationship' tells me he is full of BS.

 

Especially since you talked about this with him before and clearly stated you were not interested.

[CandyKins]

This isn't right and doesn't sound right.

 

Sorry but he's a fishy guy.

[Vivyanne]

Just to share together with hanny88,

what is the end if he delete the account infront me but after 5month's ,

he goest to the web to know wether is trus that the website is suspended when inform

by his friend the website is no longer .

[shygirl1212]

Hanny - GET OUT while you can. I don't think he was being honest at all.

 

 

Please see my post - I also discovered my now-ex who had a sexual profile on a dating site - his excuse? We were going through a rough patch and he was "lonely".

 

 

[xrayspex]

My boyfriend is on one of those sites too. I haven't busted him on it yet but I know someone at work who found their husband was on one of them too and when she busted him he told her the same story, that he was looking for someone to enhance their marriage. She didn't believe him but they're still together.

 

It sounds like an epidemic and I'm not saying it's all men either...our shipping guy's wife of 20 years left him and their kids for some guy she met on the internet. Sheesh!

[valmiso]

I caught my boyfriend on one of those sites. His excuse was that one of his friends was on it and only signed up to make it look like she had a lot of friends. such a bad lie.