I'm not sure what to make of this

[lollipop3]

So my bf and I have been back together for a month now. We were previously together for a little over a year and then he ended it. He said he wasn't sure about things and it's a long story. Anyways he wanted to get back together and give it another shot and felt he had made a huge mistake. So we decided to take things slow and see how they go. Well yesterday he informed me that he can't make any promises to me. He said that he really wants to be with me at this stage in his life, but he's scared of making promises about the future and what he'll want then, so he's just not going to say anything about what the future holds. He says he thinks about it, and wants to see what happens with us, but that he can't make many any promises about what will happen in terms of us being together or gettgin married or any of that.

 

Well when he said that it made me feel really de valued, and that he could turn around tomorrow and not want to be with me again, and I told him this. He said that was not what he intended to do. I also said it made me feel like he had already given up and there was no hope for us in his mind. He said that's not what he's saying, but he just can't make any promises, but he does hope that there is a future for us.

 

I don't know how to take this, and it scares me, and I don't know if I should approach him more about this, or let it be and see what happens, but it does leave me scared that his feelings are not genuine.

[pumpkinmoon]

Noone knows what the future holds but I think you are right to worry about these words. I mean, when we enter a new relationship we see where things go, we don't know what's going to happen, but I dont see the point of saying he can't make any promises. He should at least have an open mind when enetering into a relationship with you again and genuinely want to see where things go.

[LilBear]

In my opinion, it seems that he seems more afraid of being alone, and not have someone constantly by his side. And I somehow feel he could just be holding on to you, in case nothing better comes along in the future. But I could be wrong. My two cents.

[george237]

I would tell him to figure out what he wants, that it is not right to string you along. I would also tell him that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. How long were you guys apart before reconciling

[lollipop3]

about 3 weeks,

[pumpkinmoon]

I dont think 3 weeksis long enough to make the changes necessary to make the relationship work again. Maybe you could suggest more time to work on issues? Sit him down and ask him what he really wants, but I would put some time in between first as he may be confused and not even know what he wants.

[postscript]

ask him what kind of a relationship he wants, then express what kind you want. come to a compromise. talk, talk, talk, talk.

you need to get thoughts and feelings together.

if he won't open up & talk, or he isn't willing to compromise, then you should know what to do..

 

edit: i should definitely take my own advice.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

In my opinion, it seems that he seems more afraid of being alone, and not have someone constantly by his side. And I somehow feel he could just be holding on to you, in case nothing better comes along in the future. But I could be wrong. My two cents.

 

I agree. The reconciliation was too soon after the breakup so it sounds like it was a knee-jerk reaction to being alone. He clearly is just as confused about things as before the breakup...he has done no clear thinking...he just doesn't want you out of his life while he is figuring it all out because he doesn't want to be alone.

[TMinCali]

All of the advice you're getting is great... if you're a man trying to talk to a woman.

 

He is a man, thereforeee responds to things differently.

 

What will work?

 

You agree with him and say, "yeah, you know, things seem a bit off balanced, so I need some space to think things over as well." ... It's not lying because you SHOULD be thinking about WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.

 

You're giving him way too much power. He should not be the end all and the meaning for your happiness. This is as much about you as it is about him.

 

Make him be the one to have to consider the possibility of losing you for good because YOU are now in control of what happens in YOUR life.

 

Like I said, acknowledge your feelings about the situation and let him know that it is not something YOU are wanting in a relationship. Be understanding, and know that his uncertainty is your sign of what you want in a future boyfriend/spouse.

 

It's not about him, and don't ever let him think it is.

 

Do we have an extra pair of Wonder Woman boots around here? She needs some STAT!