Allesklar Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Hi. Maybe someone can help me out with this one. There is a girl that I have been going out with on and off for a year. She has been acting strange and distant for the past few months. Last week she sent me an IM in which she said the reason that she is avoiding me is not because of me but her. In her own words she said "It's not you, it's me. I am trying to find me and I am confused at the moment." To the ladies: is this a classical break-up line? I haven't responded to the message. To the guys: have you had similar lines used on you? How did things turn out from there. We bump into each other from time to time and the silence is becoming uncomfortable for me. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 I don't think its a line per say I think it is a way for the dumper to let the dumpee down easier. Often break ups really aren't about specific qualities or things that the other person has done its about needing to change oneself and this is the easiest way to say that. Link to comment
DN Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 If someone doesn't want to be with you it is pointless trying to analyse what they say. Much better to move on and let them deal with their own issues. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 First of all, after a year and 1/2 I cannot believe that she broke up with you via an IM. That's pretty lame. The whole "It's not you it's me"...well, it could be that she IS just changing and is not connecting with you anymore. It could very well be the case here. Irregardless, she owed it to you to explain it to you in person, in my opinion. My best to you. ~Allie Link to comment
Allesklar Posted May 3, 2008 Author Share Posted May 3, 2008 Thanks for all the replies. I wasn't sure that it meant a breakup but from all the replies so far it appears that it is indeed her way of saying it's over. Link to comment
pryda Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 It's a basically a way of saying "I don't want to be with you anymore but it's no fault of yours so don't feel bad." Kind of thing you might hear from a partner you treated really really well but who just isn't attracted to you anymore for a reason not in your control. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 I think if you're not sure, you should ask her if it's over. Put it straight in those words. She could have been pulling away because in her head it is over, or perhaps she is depressed. But it's not you it's me is a classic (lame) breakup line people use. They don't want to tell you the true reason, or are just trying to sugarcoat the breakup. Link to comment
Bunney Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 But it's not you it's me is a classic (lame) breakup line people use. They don't want to tell you the true reason, or are just trying to sugarcoat the breakup. Always annoys me to read stuff like this. Why can't people accept that it IS a valid break up reason for heavens sakes. I broke up with my ex because I needed to grow as a person on my own and I didn't want to settle yet, it had nothing to do with him at all - so yes, "it's not you it's me" is a totally valid and acceptable reason to break up. Gosh.. Link to comment
sedated Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 It's a basically a way of saying "I don't want to be with you anymore but it's no fault of yours so don't feel bad." QFT also, basically, your reply should be "you're right. it's not me, it's just you" Link to comment
pryda Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 But it's not you it's me is a classic (lame) breakup line people use. They don't want to tell you the true reason, or are just trying to sugarcoat the breakup. To be fair, I think sometimes the person using this line might not actually know why they're dumping their partner and that's why they say it. Sometimes attraction just fades, and there is no concrete reason for it...what else do you expect them to say? "It's not you, it's me" is about as truthful as they can be in that situation. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Always annoys me to read stuff like this. Why can't people accept that it IS a valid break up reason for heavens sakes. I broke up with my ex because I needed to grow as a person on my own and I didn't want to settle yet, it had nothing to do with him at all - so yes, "it's not you it's me" is a totally valid and acceptable reason to break up. Gosh.. AGREED!!!! Link to comment
Allesklar Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 Update: Having considered the responses given here I replied yesterday with "OK, so be it." Her best friend called me later telling me that my now ex was crying the whole day, accusing me of not loving her at all. Now I'm confused... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Update: Having considered the responses given here I replied yesterday with "OK, so be it." Her best friend called me later telling me that my now ex was crying the whole day, accusing me of not loving her at all. Now I'm confused... Well, this is why I don't like text messaging... Why don't you guys talk on the PHONE???? Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Update: Having considered the responses given here I replied yesterday with "OK, so be it." Her best friend called me later telling me that my now ex was crying the whole day, accusing me of not loving her at all. Now I'm confused... Ah the complexity that is the female mind!!! LOL Sorry allesklar...I think she just wanted to you to be more upset about it or something but i agree with Allie...in person/phone conversation would be best for these kinds of discussions. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I think she just wanted to you to be more upset about it or something but i agree with Allie...in person/phone conversation would be best for these kinds of discussions. EXACTLY....NO TEXTING... If her friend can call you, why can't she??? I think all of this breaking up by text messaging is just a real chicken way to break up... Link to comment
Allesklar Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 EXACTLY....NO TEXTING... If her friend can call you, why can't she??? I think all of this breaking up by text messaging is just a real chicken way to break up... Believe me Allie, I have tried. She either doesn't pick up the phone or says she doesn't want to talk. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Believe me Allie, I have tried. She either doesn't pick up the phone or says she doesn't want to talk. OK...well good for you for being a stand up guy and trying... Let me tell you something... If someone sent me a text that said "It's not you, it's me" I would think: "OK..they've got some issues...we should talk about it." What is she hiding from??? That's "nice" that her friend called and told you she's crying...is that supposed to send you on a "guilt trip"??? DON'T BUY INTO THAT!!! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! You have tried to call. If she wants to "play games" and not answer...please...she should grow up. SHE IS THE ONE WHO STARTED IT BY TEXTING YOU. *Pong*... Ball is in her court. Stop calling. You did all you could. Drop it for now and try to enjoy the rest of your day. My best... ~Allie Link to comment
DN Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I wouldn't even bother to respond further: she breaks up with you by text (cowardice) she is upset that you aren't showing you are upset (classic selfish narcissism) she gets her friend to call you (childish and manipulative) Yuck! Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I wouldn't even bother to respond further: she breaks up with you by text (cowardice) she is upset that you aren't showing you are upset (classic selfish narcissism) she gets her friend to call you (childish and manipulative) Yuck! This is a great post... Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I wouldn't even bother to respond further: she breaks up with you by text (cowardice) she is upset that you aren't showing you are upset (classic selfish narcissism) she gets her friend to call you (childish and manipulative) Yuck! and that about sums it up! Link to comment
honeybee52 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Let her come to you. She sounds like a drama queen. Don't participate in that nonsense. Link to comment
Allesklar Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 Thank you all for your responses! I will move on with my life and keep myself out of her drama. Link to comment
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