caasiopia68 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 My girlfriend has had a problem with confidence and feeling like she's beautiful. She's trying to convince me that she has a little bit of a belly. I took her to prom friday. We had a wonderful time and it was a great night. She looked amazing and she said she felt beautiful. Saturday I sent her all the pictures and she was so disappointed in herself. She said she "was lying to herself that she was beautiful" and she insists that the truth is that she is fat. I really want to help her. I want her to feel beautiful and be happy. She's always letting those lies keep her from being happy. I try to compliment her and tell her that she's beautiful (and I swear she is) but she tells me that my opinions dont change the way she feels. She says its her decision and its in her mind; that is what is keeping her from being happy. Anyways, I told her to quit talking bad about herself because she is bringing herself down when she does this, and she's not even being realistic. She wants to lose weight (she is 5'5" and weighs 116) but it honestly wouldnt bother me if she didnt. The problem is how she sees herself and how she's letting it affect her. The problem is not her weight. Any advice and anything I can do to help her or make her happier? I greatly appreciate it. Link to comment
skittles811 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 my girlfriend (now ex) had the same confidence problem, especially since I'm a really slender guy and weighed a little bit less then she did. What I did to make her feel special was I would pick her up and twirl her around, not only dose that make her feel light its fun too. I would also surprise her with little gifts and notes that would say "you're beautiful" or a single rose, and sometimes since I'm a writer I would write her a poem. Overall just be creative and continually reassure her how much you're attracted to her, and how she's the only girl for you. Even if the compliments don't help much, it's something, and just be as supporting as you can because in the end she has to learn to see herself in a better light. Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 First of all, I think she is lucky to have a wonderful, caring, sweet person like you in her life. The fact that you took the time to write here and want to help her shows you care. unofrtunately I don't think any amount of compliments or you saying things to her is going to help.. i think it has to come from herself. While it's great that you tell her she's fine, it will take some effort on her part to realise she is fine as well. i'm afraid i dont' have any good advice to give you, but I hope it all goes well. As i said before, she's lucky to have someone like you who cares about her. Link to comment
caasiopia68 Posted April 27, 2008 Author Share Posted April 27, 2008 We sound alot alike. I'm pretty skinny. She always feels like I'm disappointed in her size. She refuses to sit in my lap sometimes and stuff like that. Cus she wants to be alot smaller than me. I do pick her up and I forgot about it, but I think it helps. Even though she yells at me for picking that, but I do it anyway. And I do write her things occasionally. She knows I love her, she just wants me to be satisfied with her image. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 I have been the girlfriend in this situation i have even been the wife in this situation...it great that you are supporting her but like shikashika said it needs to come from her. The bes thing you could do is suggest she get counseling and support her while she works through her issues. Its a mindset and it needs to be changed, if she doesn't get right in her head it is a problem that will plague her for a long time and that kind of dissatisfaction with yourself is really really hard to handle. If you can be there for her and let her know that no matter what you love her while she deals with this she couldn't ask for more... Link to comment
caasiopia68 Posted April 27, 2008 Author Share Posted April 27, 2008 Yea.. Thanks. Oh, I forgot to mention, she used to be anorexic. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Yea.. Thanks. Oh, I forgot to mention, she used to be anorexic. definitely counseling...i was ana/bulimic...and counseling really helped me get through it the first time... Link to comment
caasiopia68 Posted April 27, 2008 Author Share Posted April 27, 2008 Yea, she's through it and she's eaten everyday (thanks to Jesus) but she still does see herself worse than she really is. I'm sure you understand. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 i do definitely and its not the eating that is the problem and even if she is eating its the mindset that you're not worthy , you're not pretty, that you have nothing to offer that keeps you in dark places...I admit i still struggle with my eating and how I view myself...it really is a life long battle (don't tell her that tho LOL) I am here if you ever need an opinion from someone who has been in the depths of it...I know I drove my exes crazy!!! Link to comment
caasiopia68 Posted April 27, 2008 Author Share Posted April 27, 2008 Ok. Thank you. She hasn't driven me crazy but it is kind of irritating sometimes that nothing I do can help her. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 "how do i help my girlfriend feel beautiful and confident?" You can't. You can suggest counseling but you cannot do this for her. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 you can't change girls like this. they need to do it for themselves. very hard to do. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.