I shouldn't have answered the phone!

[ifloatabove]

I know, I know, NC, right?

 

He called me to see how I was doing. It was a pretty pleasant conversation (if it can be pleasant in these circumstances), then he dropped the bomb that he's applying for a job in Australia for a year. My insides were screaming but I told him it'd be a great opportunity for him. He said he wanted to make a drastic change because he hates his job but doesn't want to quit because he has a ton of bills and a mortgage.

 

He asked me if I had a new boyfriend too and I was like, whatt?? after a week? But I said no and asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes. I asked him if he was * * * * ting me and he said he was. Go figure. The only reason I can think of him asking me if I had a new boyfriend is if I found someone to get over him (phew, relief for him eh?). Why else would you ask?

 

He said he was sorry how it ended and he was going to mail me a card his parents sent for my birthday. Obviously doesn't want to see me but I have to end up giving the rest of his stuff back so I'll....call his brother? Brother's girlfriend? Isn't that awkward now.

 

I asked him if I could talk to him but he said he wasn't ready to talk and he wasn't prepared to (did he think we were going to talk about the weather and then go? Obviously I still have feelings for him) and if we could do it another time. He said he would read the email I sent him and we could talk about it later but I get the feeling he's only saying that to make me feel better.

 

God, if it's over, why can't he just be like, "I don't have anything more to say on the subject" instead of saying he'll talk to me about it later. I mean, he already did the hurt-me part, what's a little more, you know? If you're obviously over someone, wouldn't you just want to reiterate that you are and get it over with. But I guess applying for a job accross the world was indicator enough.

 

I know I should take him off my facebook because reading that he changed his interests to "Fast car n'fast women" really did not help. And I shouldn't have even picked up because it was probably a pity call just to see how I was doing.

 

He said he'd been just hanging out with his friends and trying to enjoy his life.

 

And YES, I sent him a stupid text over stupid stuff and I know I shouldn't and it got ignored anyway. I guess he figures ignoring me is a clear enough sign that it's over.

 

I'm still having a hard time accepting this but hey, it's only been a week.

 

Just needed to get that out because I've been crying my eyes out and harboring hope and I just wish I could turn off the emotion.

[wheezy84]

Don't worry. I'm at 1 year and a few months and I still have slip ups. lol. You're just a week, pick up now and start NC again. Imagine yourself a year later if you manage to stay strong (Even if it is only on the outside) feeling good and confident about yourself not doing anything stupid from now. I wish I didn't make all the mistakes I did and just walked away without a word! Start NC again now!

[Suzanne1281]

Darling, I am going through the exact same thing, except that he doesn't have a new girlfriend, he has his ex girlfriend. He called me last weekend to come out and I did-he wanted to see what I was up to and tell me he missed me and still had feelings. Asked if I had someone else, etc.

 

The guy did the same thing to me: told me we would talk soon b/c he said I deserved to have my say, and now he won't contact me. I sent him a text congratulating him over his band's success (their song is on a commercial), he texted back once to say he was excited and I of course got excited, and texted him back. No response.

 

And I do the same thing with his facebook page.

 

I think in both our cases, the guy just doesn't want to have to hurt our feelings, so ignoring it makes it easier on them. My guy even told me he ignored his issues with me to make his life easier. Basically both of these guys didn't want to face things head on.

 

You sound like you are upset, but definitely have your head on your shoulders. Continue to do NC, if you have to give stuff back, give it to a mutual friend. Don't see him, don't contact him, and at least you recognize not to answer his calls.

[ifloatabove]

^ thanks for sharing that.

 

I know ignoring me makes it easier but seriously, he did the hard part already, I wish he would just be like, it's not going to change anything, I don't want to talk or something like that. I hate that he said he would read what I had to say and said we'd talk about it later. That just gives me hope, stupidly.

 

All the things he said were signs that it's over and I'm understand that, but giving up is hard too. I'm definitely not going to contact him and the text I sent was a slipup and it's not like it matters anyway because he didn't respond.

 

I just don't get why he called me and he wasn't prepared to talk. just to see how I was I guess. I'm obviously not over him and I just want to be. It's so hard.

 

Thanks for giving your input. We don't really have mutual friends so I guess I'll just call his brother's girlfriend and get her to come out and get his stuff.

[postscript]

It would be a heck of a lot easier if we could just turn off our emotions, right?

I spent three weeks crying all day every day until I finally saw the light and I enjoyed myself for awhile until one day it hit me again and I turned into a blubbering mess, just as I thought the worst was over!

It's hard to move on as fast as some people do, but it is very important to feel these ups and downs and go through these rough patches because in the end you WILL feel better, I promise. It does get easier, slowly. Two weeks ago I sat at my computer crying and howling, thinking I would never see the end of this, thinking I would never laugh and feel happy again, I still feel awful but it's a lot easier to manage now.

And yes, it is frustrating when you want questions answered, and you want to talk to him about all of this, but when he is ready he will - and if he avoids ever discussing the relationship, you will one day be able to get the answers you need, but it is important not to force him into it or you will only push him away further.

[ifloatabove]

I was doing so good too, I cry everyday but not as much as I used to and I'm going out and trying to move on but some days (like today), I'm feeling so very much hurt.

 

I just don't understand how if he's already over me and he's already prepared to move on by applying for an overseas job, why he said he wasn't prepared to talk to me and wanted to talk to me about this later. If he's over me already, why didn't he, knowing he was going to call me, prepare himself to tell me it was over? Instead of waiting like a week from now and then telling me he's sure we'll never be together again? I just don't get it. He knows how I feel. He told me he didn't want to give me false hope so just saying we would talk about what i wrote to him later is only doing that. If he's sure he never wants to be with me again, I don't know why he couldn't have just said it. Waiting is agony.

[Suzanne1281]

If he's over me already, why didn't he, knowing he was going to call me, prepare himself to tell me it was over? Instead of waiting like a week from now and then telling me he's sure we'll never be together again? I just don't get it. He knows how I feel. He told me he didn't want to give me false hope so just saying we would talk about what i wrote to him later is only doing that. If he's sure he never wants to be with me again, I don't know why he couldn't have just said it. Waiting is agony.

 

I feel like I am posting this! I think basically he felt guilty at having hurt you before, and wanted to see if you were okay to relieve his guilt. Saying you would talk later is another aspect of this possibly. I don't think he wants to deliberately hurt you, so he told you he would talk to you later to know you would feel better and this relieves his guilt a little. At least I think this is what happened in my situation.

 

I think you and I both need to make sure to NOT answer any calls, texts, emails, etc. It is only to relieve their own fears of knowing they may have really hurt us, even if it's subconsciously that they're doing this.

 

And in your case he is applying for a job overseas. Be so thankful for this. You won't have to see him or worry about seeing him! My guy's band is supposed to be going over to Europe and Asia at the end of the year to tour and I am PRAYING that he goes along with them so I don't have to worry about seeing him for a while.

[ieatglue]

It's the worst thing in the world to have to go through. In time, it does get easier. I am aproaching a yr., now, and with 5 mos. NC, I slipped up just recently as well. There is a strong support group here, and a lot of wisdom that we are all learning, whether or not we want to. I am still holding on to the theory "distance makes the heart grow fonder". Of course, I am also realising that,(and it took a while) I have to bow out and let her lead her life. I love her with all my heart, and small miracles do happen. So I'm told. Keep your chin up, if nothing else, you'll cope better.

 

I wish you the best.

 

P.S. - I think it was in one of superdave71's posts (I think) where it was said, believe less than 50% of what he's saying to you, as he's hiding his hurt as well - Good luck.

[SpeedingCars]

Man...

I feel you.

I HATE IT WHEN THEY SAY "we'll talk later"

and you wait for that chance, but they don't even give you the time of day!

It hurts... I know.

I am currently going through that right now, and it's been 3 days.

I'm trying not to contact him.

I was hoping I could give you some advice to help you feel better, but I wish I knew it myself...

[starlette08]

ifloatabove,

 

i went through the same thing. after we broke up, my ex just stopped talking to me. ignored me on msn, ignored texts, emails.

 

i've learned that different people handle thigns differently, and if your ex is anything like mine, they chose to run away from their problems instead of face them. they just don't know how to deal with it, so they put it aside and "deal with it later."

 

not sure what he was trying to do, but telling u he has a gf after a week is pretty insensitive, lol. do i hear rebound? oh - and if he really started a relationship with someone else that fast, why would he move all the way to Australia? doesnt make sense.

 

it's been about 4 months for me and i know what you're going through right now because i went through it. its getting better for me each day. it will get better, i promise.

 

my ex said things to me like "its not the right timing for us to be together." "im doing this for our future" "we're just not right together right now." and it gave me all this hope. well what the hell was he doing kissing a girl at the bar last month? it broke me to pieces.

 

only advice i can give you now is to focus on yourself, and let him go.

[ifloatabove]

I'm trying so hard to let him go. I've let him go as a person because he's not the man I knew anymore but I'm having a hard time letting go of the feelings, such as how good it would feel to have him lying next to me. I'm holding onto old memories that break my heart every time I think of them, and I think of them a lot!

 

He said he had another girl interested in him but he wasn't interested in 'playing the field' because it would be too much emotional involvement and he couldn't take any emotion right now. THAT was nice to hear (sarcasm). I mean, really, did I care to know. I'm sorry for the things I did that pushed him away but I know I can't take any of it back. It just hurts to hear that someone's interested in him and he contemplated it because he's a free man. It makes you feel of less worth to know that someone could just jump on the bandwagon again so soon. He must have really checked out long before I did and thats what hurts. That he didn't even want to work it out. Whatever.

 

I'm trying to move on but everyday I feel like I'm in the same place. It's going to take me a long time to get over him and I hate that. I hate how long it's taking, I want it to hurry up but I can't rush it.

[Litgirl01]

Ughhhh Ifloat - this is why I don't answer when he calls and why I blocked him on email. I don't want to hear stuff like that! I feel for you!!

[ifloatabove]

I know, I know! But you know what, it's the best I'm ever going to get to resolve the way I feel about him. He's clearly over me and not thinking of the past, so I'm trying my hardest to do the same. I can see what kind of guy he is and I ignored the last text he sent me after I said I had terminated our phone plan together and he was free to be on his own, he wrote, "Ok thanks with a happy face. And I was like, urgggh you don't deserve to be happy after what you put me through. So it's a little step to no contact again and I'm going to follow through to get his miserable self out of my mind. The memories will linger and I'm still physically attracted to him but I really don't know why anymore. Just his face I guess, hahaha.

[J_man]

ugh, this is a painful read. how old is he and how old are you? i ask because it's a fairly selfish move, immature too, on his part to call you and tell you he's got a new girlfriend after only one week. wth. i'm thankful that in my current breakup we've each got enough courtesy to just give eachother space. (that said, i'm dreading a party on thursday which, if she shows, will the the first time i've seen her. i hope she flakes out and doens't go.)

 

i'm sorry you're going through this, you can take some comfort in the fact that it's clearly not a meaningful relationship if it's only 1 week after the fact and if he's already making plans to move. but try not to dwell on that, as others have said, you're probably best served by forcing yourself to accept that you are not together now, and trying to do whatever it is that'll help you get back to feeling like yourself. easier said than done, i'm struggling with it now.

[ifloatabove]

It's a long and hard struggle, I agree. I'm 23 and he's 25. He was joking on the phone because he called me later and he was hurt that I thought he meant it. He mentioned another woman though, "she's pretty and I thought about it but I'm not even thinking of girls right now." Oh so the minute you break up with me and someone's interested in you, just dive right in? Callous. I mean why would you say that to someone who obviously still has feelings for you? I was so mad. The whole conversation was just to tell me that it's over and he's moved on. I was like, thanks for calling, you dirtbag (anger stage has finally come!). That is why I am not answering my phone anymore. I don't want to know how great his life is or who's in it. I thought I meant more than that. But you know what? It hurts a little less knowing he's messed up right now and I'm not. I was when we were together and I wanted the chance to make it right but he won't have it. His loss.