Need help trust help please!

[LostSpartan]

Hey all,

 

Hopefully, I can get some insight and help on this issue. I'm a 35 year old man that has two college degrees. One in psychology(ironic huh?) and business management. I'm a ex soldier from the army and a single dad. Been married once several years ago and have had many girlfriends. Recently I was advised that I am a introvert.

 

What's my problem?

 

I'm having a ongoing battle with trusting women.

 

More of the women I have had exclusively in my life. My aura of trying to trust them has always caused pressure. A bit more on me briefly. When I was 12, my mother abandoned me chasing after some guy. Bad luck of course, the place where she left me I was kidnapped by another woman. Gone for nine months all over Texas. I was finally dropped off at friends house. My mom finally showed up. Then disappeared again for several months. After seeing a relationship counselor, I know this affected me. Speeding to the present. I've done a lot of research on myself. My last four girlfriends, all of them went on about me not trusting them. In the end, three of them actually were betraying me. The other was not.

 

Basically, I've gotten much better and I have a new woman in my life now and I need some direction. I need some help or insight on how to relax, not always immediately accuse, question like crazy, and anything to help me not be so insecure.

 

Please, please, please, I need help not idiotic remarks.

[PeaceIsWithin]

Think of your relationship as if you were managing a business. She is your supplier. In business you wouldn't suspect your supplier of jacking the price on you for no reason would you? or sending less than the deal you made? unless they gave you some reason to believe that you couldn't trust them, you wouldn't automatically distrust them would you? You would give them the benefit of the doubt for the sake of your business unless you find out they are crooked by having evidence to prove it. And if you went to the guy you thought was stiffing you and he made every effort to keep your business and proved there was no intended mistake or no mistake at all what would you do?

 

 

On a side note you can really tell when someone is genuine because you will feel different when you are with them. There will be a warm trusting unwavering about them.

[Daligal83]

I think it's important to remember that she is not responsible for what your mother did to you. This woman had nothing to do with it and should not bear their responsibility. Trust people who show you that they deserve it and in kind, don't trust those who show you that they don't. If this woman has given you no reason to distrust her, then go with that.

[rocio]

Have you discussed this with the new woman? You need to have really good communication with her to get past this.

[LostSpartan]

Good analogy.

 

Yes I've discussed with her in detail today. I'm not making it her problem but I would like to get better.

[Daligal83]

Also, keep discussing it in counseling. You obviously know the root of the issue and that's hard to work out on your own. If you stay in counseling, it will help address any issues that might come up.