I am under too much pressure don't want to live

[BronzedSkin123]

I have been experiencing a great dealof anxiety and fear right now. I have no one to turn to, I don't feel good at all. I just feel very emotionally unstable.

 

I still live at home with my parents and I am 23. I really don't know what to do with my life at all. I am in college but it's taking me awhile to finish. I switched my major from journalism to Nursing, so it's taking me a bit longer.

 

At first my mother was supportive of my change in career path and I let her know how many years it would take before I get an RN. Now, she is starting to get impatient after only 2 semesters of my pre-reqs and threatening to kick me out.

 

Also, she says that it's sad to see my waste way my 20s without a man. She says every Holiday it's sad to see her young daughter spend it at home, and with no one else in my life. This really just gives me anxiety and I feel like having an emotional breakdown. Every year I feel older and older, and I even lie about my age now. I just have this fear of getting older. Sometimes I get jealous when I see young teenage girls because I wish I were them. I envy their chance to do better with their life than I did. I envy how they probably will enjoy life more and find love and everything.

 

I am thinking about just dropping out of college and deciding to not be an RN. Maybe I will go to a trade school to be an LPN, in 11 months. I just don't have the support right now to be a RN. Maybe if I had chose this as a career when I was 18 things would have been different. But everyday my parents keep reminding me how I am steadily approaching the 30 and have not accomplished anything. They tell me I should have a new car, better job, degree and all of this and the pressure is just driving me insane. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide because life is just too much for me. I don't even feel like myself at times. I always feel like uneasy and unsure of what lies ahead of me. It's a very strange feeling

 

I also might have to just find a man and move in with him, just anybody. Since my parents want me to be more independent. My mother always tells me that by my age she was married and with a family. I think how it was easy for her to go out in the world because she had somene to depend on..she had a spouse to help her pay the bills and I don't . The young girls who I do know that are living on their own are shacking up with their boyfriend. I might have to do the same although I don't have anyone right now, but I will have to find someone soon

 

just anyone advice will be appreciated. i am very sad and have been crying for awhile now

[Lily04]

Living at home while you're 23 isn't a big deal, really. So many people do it, it's like the norm.. when you just graduate college with tons of debt, why go to the expensive city and have your own condo? i mean it's pretty much the norm where i live to live at home until you're settled financially with a career... just figure that out. Did you go to college?

 

My mom was married at 18 or 19 and regrets it every day of her life lol... (she's not in a happy marriage, right now..) but also because she didn't go to university and wishes she could have had a real career...I don't think it's an accomplishment to get married prematurely. I think it's an accomplishment to build a marriage once you and your partner truly feel ready - emotionally, intellectually and feel that it's the right moment in your life. There's no use rushing into anything.

 

Personally, I'm 23 and just graduating college now and looking for a temporary job before I apply to grad/law schools. it will probably be a low-paying entry-level job, but whatever... it's experience. I'm living at home for the year, too. And have no idea what I will do if I don't get accepted anywhere.. it's a VERY scary thought and sure, a lot of anxiety considering I have around $20k of debt as it is. But you know what? I believe that things will work themselves out, as I have goals, am driven and hard-working......if you feel the same, I'm sure you will be fine too

 

Take care..

[crazy300]

I need you to take a breath and look at your situation from an outside perspective. Life is much bigger, you are missing the bigger picture of your precious life.

 

First of all you are only 23. Most of us are lost at this age (and more), dont know where we're going, which career path etc etc. A lot of us are single too. and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, and def nothing wrong with YOU.

 

Id say the twenties are when we are just figuring ourselves out. Heck its our first few years as an "adult". It takes time to "settle down" with so many things. Your mom is probably getting anxious and is being inconsiderate. Id suggest you not let it affect you.

 

I know its hard, because when we are insecure ourselves, hearing such negative comments and remarks only makes it worse. And thats how we head to depression ladies n gentlemen.

 

So You need to either sit her down and tell her its affecting you, and how she needs to calm down about the situation. Or you need to avoid listening to it.

 

Either way, There is nothing wrong with your situation. You are healthy, smart and still young by the way. keep studying. Things will fall into place eventually. All in time.

[kmac]

You are really stressed right now. I are piling the issues on yourself right now. I know you feel like you are drowning. One thing at a time. Age. OMG you are 23, what a fun time in your life. This is when it is ok to change majors, date and be happy. Not hurry up be done, finish and get married. Honey, you'd scare a man away with all that. Hi- Im **** I want to be married in 2 months, start having babies now, my debt to income ratio is $$$" all while ur on ur first long Island Ice tea at the club- you think a cheetah can run fast? Watch how fast the men run. Stop it. Date and date for a while, make sure you've found the one-so take ur time and fall in love. Mom loves you, shrug it off and plow away. Trust me she will be so proud and your biggest fan on graduation day. If nursing is what you want-let nothing stand in your way. You sound like a very intelligent girl. You are letting all these little issues enthroll you. Break them up into small pieces and deal with them one at a time. When I was in school I would congrat myself for my hard work with a girls night out that fri or sat. of a hard test or crazy week. Hey-while your there scope the scene for some hotties and relax. Dont sell yourself short and hookup with whoever just to be done with it-u think today is bad, imagine being married to some idiot becuz you rushed in. You've got this- you can do it- HECK you already are. Keep on going till your done-be independent-its sexy!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Wow, at 23 you are still young and many people are still in school at that age. You do not have to follow in your mother's footsteps and grab a man to get married to. Lots of people do that in their early twenties and by the time they hit their thirties they have children and are divorced. You have chosen a career path and it is very important to stick with it...you will have more opportunities for advancement and earning potential as an RN. While it would be nice to have a partner so that bills can be split, that is not the reason why you should get a partner. The way to become independent is to be on your own...not moving from the family home to the marriage home. People who go from living at home to living with their partner know very little about being independent because they have always had someone to rely on. They THINK they know, and are always quick to pass judgement on those who live alone and are truly independent, but they don't really know what it is like. I have to move from my apartment and right now I am busy with going through my belongings and getting rid of some stuff. My parents have been helping me by actually doing the legwork for apartment hunting since I find that task very depressing, daunting and time consuming. I have a friend who made some comments about how lucky I am that my parents are helping. The implication in her tone was that she doesn't have parents who would help her like that. I quickly reminded her that she has a partner with whom she has shared her life for the last 15+ years so she actually would have help with apartment hunting whereas I am all alone. Forget about the holier than thou attitude of people who are coupled up...they typically don't understand...but you should live your life for you and not bow into peer or family pressure. Getting a career sorted is the most important thing...partners often come in and out of your life..your true stability is making sure you can be independent and earn your own income.

[BronzedSkin123]

Both of my parents can be abusive--my father emotionally and my mother physically and emotionally.

 

My mother started hitting me last night, and when I put my arms up to defend myself she gets angry and called me a " * * * * * " and punched me saying "don't ever raise your hands up at me" Well, what am I supposed to do when she is striking me? Just the idea of me defending myself against her hitting me makes the situation even worse. And when I respond back to all her questioning and brow beating she threatens to hit me, but if I sit there quiet she yells at me to say something.

 

My parents think that I am weird because I don't have a boyfriend or anyone in my life. And they think that my life is sad and pathetic because on Holidays I don't have anyone to visit. Well, I recently got rid of all the friends in my life who I considered to be toxic, and the very few friends I do have I see them occasionally. I used to hang out a lot with friends years ago, and back then they would nag and complain about how I didn't have my priorities together. No matter what I do it's never good enough. This is why I feel so confused and have anxiety about who I am, and what I should do with my life.

 

I would love for things to go smoothly for me while I am trying to get accepted into Nursing school (I am taking my pre reqs) but I just don't have the support system I need to go through 2-3 more years of learning in order to complete this goal. If I do get accepted in a program, I most likely will have to remain dependent upon my parents. Nursing school requires very little opportunity to work the hours are 8am-5pm Mon-Fri. And right now, things aren't looking up for me): My dad has always encouraged me to forget school back when I was 20 years old, and just get a regular job work, and/or get married to have a man support me and have some kids--school comes last it's a priviledge to get a degree. And my mom keeps pressuring me about turning 30, saying by the time I do get finished with everything I'll almost be that age. I don't know, I guess my life ends at 30 and everything is supposed to be accomplished before then. I fear turning 30 because every year she reminds me how closer I am getting to that age everyday. I am scared what is going to happen when I do turn 30..I don't know..do I lose my looks, my intelligence or something..I am so scared

 

My mother says that if she didn't have it easy, neither will I. And that I will not live here until I get a silver spoon in my mouth. She says that she moved out and got married at 17, and by the time she was my age already had a family. So, if she had to struggle so do I. That is what she is telling me. She always compares me to "other women my age" women she doesn't even know, claiming that they are out there supporting themselves and such. Which is great. But a lot of these women she talks about already have more than one child at my age, and living on Section 8. I guess if I got pregnant I could have my own apartment and be just like the women she is talking about. A lot of my cousins are like this as well.

 

I also do not tell her how any of my old friends are doing. Recently, I reunited with an old friend--she is married with two kids now at 23 years old and just moved out of her mom's home. If I told my mother this, she will put even more pressure on me to do the same. Claiming how my "friend" is independent. But it angers me because the only reason she is independent is because she has someone to lean on and split the bills with--and she is most likely on Section 8. If she were in my shoes, she'd still be living at home too

 

Right now I don't know what to do. I am thinking about enrolling in a training program to be a LPN instead of an RN. The LPN program is 11 months, and at least I know I will be able to support my self a bit sooner than if I were to try to complete Nursing school. I can always go back later.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It sounds like you are in an abusive situation...all the more reason to be cautious about your choice of partner..people from abusive homes often latch on to abusive partners. If getting the LPN is the best way to get you out of the house and on your own away from that abuse, then go for it. Like you said, you can always go back for your RN later. It is no point staying in a toxic situation. It is already getting you down. Your parents are not very supportive of you and that is too bad. It sounds to me like they are bitter, angry people and your mother is projecting her own unhappiness on to you. Sad that your mother wants you to go down the same sorry road she went down...usually parents want the best for their children, not repeating their mistakes.

[Lucy__lou]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're having to endure at home. Your parents sound really twisted in the messages they're giving you, and in the harassment and abuse. Remember that when you're criticised constantly that your self esteem and confidence in your abilities is going to take a blow, and it can undermine your ability to do anything. So if you feel at all weak and unable to achieve what you'd like, chances are you aren't anywhere near the best you could be right now. Your parents are seriously harming your development.

 

I don't know where you live, if you're in the US or where. I'm in Australia so I don't know really what it's like elsewhere to survive independently while studying, but here most people just share with friends or whoever in a house where they split the bills, work full time or part time if they can to cover costs and study full time or part time, whatever they can manage. It takes longer to get your degree and you're always a bit broke, but it's worth it to be educated when you come out at the end. I'm 29, and not at all concerned about being 30. 30 is when most people's lives take off. 20's can be fun, but they're also the explorative years where you often don't know what you're doing with your life. I didn't find what I really wanted to do until I was 26, but now I'm on the right path, I have no regrets in taking my time. I've never had a boyfriend either, which I know is uncommon, but let me tell you, now that I know myself better, and I'm more confident for having spent the time I needed getting to know and accept myself, and to focus on my career first, men are a lot more attracted to me than they've ever been. I'm in no rush to hook up with one though. And you shouldn't either. You have the right to take whatever amount of time you need to get where you need to in life. 3 years of emotional and physical abuse and harassment doesn't sound good. Forget about the fears for a minute and ask yourself what your true desire is. Maybe what you really deeply want isn't as unattainable as you think. And remember, you have the right to take your time. The world will benefit more from what you have to offer it if you have.