When your world finally moves..

[GizMo567]

I have not done too much writing as of late but i figure i would write another thread about how dealing with the ups and downs of the break up seem to be a heartache that all of us do not want to experience.

 

I have read a lot of posts about the hardships of breaking up and such. It is truly a heart wrenching, gut kicking, eye opening experience that we go through when we feel that we just got kicked upside the head by something that we didn't see coming. The mornings, the late nights, and even everyday life seems to be so mundane and torturous that all we can think about is "what used to be".

 

Fortunately for me, my heart finally let go one day and when i woke up, i felt great. I felt no pain, no lingering love, nothing. My life did go on and i do realize that one day i will find the person who will love me for me, treat me how i want to be treated, and in the end be there when i need her the most. For all of us, we all want that in some form or fashion.

 

What helped me get to this point:

 

Stop thinking about them

I really had to stop waking up every single day wondering where they are, what they are doing, whether or not she is happier with him and every other thought that went with that. I had to stop that. It was only hindering my progress on moving forward and i had to figure out myself. It was time for me to start walking forward, to start looking forward and not backwards. It was difficult but i did put all her things into a box. I stored it away and took one deep breath and came to a realization that she wasn't coming back.

Make yourself busy or at least hang out with people every week

I dont think you can stress how important it is to keep your mind from wandering into never never land. Keeping busy keeps your mind and body from having constant thoughts about them and helps with the healing process. If you can see that life can go on without them, you can make the transition into moving on from your ex.

 

Don't be afraid to accept the pain inside

It is very true. I cried and cried and cried for almost 3 weeks straight. Every night i cried because she was gone and with someone else. I didn't want to face that pain but i knew i had to. In order for your heart to heal, you have to face the pain and agony of them gone. It's not so much of thinking about the past as it is facing the fact that your love is gone, that they probably won't come back, and you have to move on without them. It is the furthest thing from your mind because we all hold out that hope that they will come back but most of the time that is false and we have to accept the pain rather then be in denial.

 

Make time for you

I think this is key once the pain and torture subside a little bit. Start making time for yourself and enjoy life on your own for a little while. Go out shopping, go out with the boys, go hiking, go somewhere where your mind can relax a little and you can start mending yourself together. Exercising and such is a great tool to not only get in shape but to harness your pain and frustration and get it out. You will feel a little better when you do the things that you wanted to do but you couldn't do while being with them. Be active and enjoy this time.

 

Stay positive

Remember that your life is not over at this point and it will eventually get better. Try to keep a smile on your face as long as possible and try not to look so much at the negative and concentrate more on the positive. If you keep working on yourself and your attitude starts to change, i promise one day the pain will let up and you will eventually be free. (I know it's impossible to stay positive all day everyday but try stay as positive and upbeat as you can so the pain doesn't feel like it weighs a ton).

 

I understand how hard it is to fall in love with somebody completely only for them to walk out on you. Unfortunately, relationships sometimes fail and the only thing we are left to do is pick up the pieces when they are gone.

 

I think the thing was, Once i was able to let go and see myself moving forward, the pain was subsiding a little. Of course your going to have random thoughts of them and all the "what if's" come into play. But if we can learn to look forward, stay positive, and work on yourself, it will let up. And when it lets up and your heart is free, you can take a deep breath and realize that you are now stronger for what you have gone through.

 

Eventually we will all be ok. Good luck everyone on your quest to finding happiness both inside and out.

[flyingdodo]

I'm glad you're doing ok GizMo. I agree with everything you said! I would like to know how you stop thinking of her though. I know it's not good for me to think about what she's doing or if she's happier without me etc but sometimes these thoughts won't go away! I still wake up most mornings thinking about her and at night when I'm trying to get to sleep it's hard to stop myself. I think I'm getting there slowly, I've had a few set backs recently though.

[GizMo567]

With anything dodo - you will always have lapses. It's not easy when the love of your life leaves and walks away. Every time i had a thought of her, i would close my eyes, take a deep breath, and just embrace the fact that she is no longer there. I think we all have/had a hard time letting go. Our hearts naturally don't want to do that but we unfortunately have to. Stay strong dodo.

[tazthecat]

Nice post Gizmo, I hope this insight helps some people who read it.

[flyingdodo]

Thanks GizMo

[GizMo567]

taz - I sure hope it helps a little. I think we all need to find our path to healing. What works for one person may not work for another but with anything, time is the biggest factor of all.

 

dodo - i can understand your pain and frustration completely. We've all been down that road at some point. Stay strong and hang in there. If you can keep your eyes looking forward, at some point i believe the pain will subside a little. It doesn't go away instantaneously but over time it will let go slowly until one day when you wake up, it's completely gone.

[Artop]

Thank you.

[flyingdodo]

I know you're right GizMo, it was beginning to get better and I wasn't thinking about her so much, I just had a bit of a set back that's all. I've been under a lot of stress and I needed her support more than ever but I haven't got it, it's just hard to deal with stuff on my own at the moment. It'll get easier I'm sure, I've just got to try and stay positive.

[GizMo567]

That is the attitude dodo. I promise things will get better over time. You have already been making progress seeing as though you are not thinking about her as much. *Hug*