I have reached a difficult stage-advise?

[cosmos21]

Hi,

 

This is my first post, so please bare with me. I have visited this forum a lot of times and read the forums;however, I have never posted anything before.

This time however, I think I am running into a crisis in my life and with my marriage and would like to hear your advise and ideas.

 

I married last year ( after knowing a person just for 6 months). After the marriage we moved to a different country as I found a average paying job.

Moreover, I was hoping she would also try to find a job and improve our life style. she looked at the beginning, but gave up after about 4-5 interviews.

And later, said that she will have professional job and won't for example work as a sales person ( she has no expereince and I tried to explain to her several times that she needs to start somewhere and work her way up). And whenever I bring the issue of her working up, she gets angry and defensive with me and we will end up in a fight.

In addition, since i was the only one making money, I was and am careful with how we spend our money. However, she started complaining that I am cheap and that other husbands do and buy so much for their wives. For example, " everyone has a nice car at my school and I have to walk and take the bus" ( she is taking some classes). Anyways, our problems are always about money and it seems to me she has no understunding about finance and money ( she comes from a richer family). She always wants to buy stuff and I have to argue with her that we cannot afford it. After our arguemnets her attitude changes and she won't talk to me or gives me attitudes and sometimes she just hangs up the phone when we have an argument on the phone about our expenses and etc.

She always * * * * * es that we always stay like this and cannot afford to live wealthy ( she is being negative), and sometimes she does not answer her cell phone when I call her, if we had an argument the night before.

Moreover, once in a while whe brings up the past ( our marriage) and tells me that I did not do enough for her and she did not get married the way she deserved.

She is very difficult, and moody, and it is so hard to get through to her and worst of all, she at least 50 times said that her marriage with me was a misstake and she just stayes with me because she does not want to make her parents sad.

I have reached a point that i want to leve her, by leaving I mean, I just wanna leave the country without telling her and go live some place else. where she cannot find me in peace. I even secretly started to save money for this purpose. She is very good looking and nice sometimes;however, i am reaching the end point and cnnot take it no more.

 

Any advise appreciated.

[Excalibur]

Ever heard of divorce?

 

But you could verbally try the following...on her next diatribe about the lack of affluence....just tell her that in all honesty, you're waiting for her to get up off her fat butt and support you. that you're quitting your job and moving back to the states because you got with her to have the good and wealthy lifestyle that she implied would exist at her expense if you'd agree to be wiith her, move etc.

 

And since she's not living up to her end of the contract, you're moving on.

[Aviatormy]

What I would do is stop SUBMITTING to her.

 

She seems like a spoiled little brat that always gets her way. I would sit her down and not sugar coat this.... "Look, I sacraficed a lot to come out here and live with you, I have encouraged you to get a job, I have supported you, bought you things as I can afford them, listen to you whine about how "bad" we have it and to be honest... I am sick of it. You can either get a job and help me out financially so we can have all these things that you want or you can do it on your own. As for now... I am going to continue to pay our bills and with the extra money that I have leftover... I am going to put it in savings just in case you decide not to get a job. This is your last chance"

 

She needs you to be stern with her and tell her that you are not going to put up with this attitude anymore. I am sure somewhere in her past her father or mother has told her something similar. Put your foot down and take charge. If she does not change after this... Divorce would be a great option.

 

Good luck

[Hope75]

I'm sorry to say that I agree with Excalibur. In most circumstances when you have made the commitment of marriage I suggest at least counseling together to work towards repairing the damage and creating a healthy marriage. However, in this instance I think you married someone you didn't really know well enough, and these 'incompatibilities are just not something you can resolve.

 

To be honest your wife sounds very selfish and materialistic, and not interested in what makes a strong relationship and marriage, but only the status she thinks it creates.

 

I'm sad for you, but I think at this point if I were you I would file for divorce and leave this woman. Let her parents buy her all the things she wants. She has no idea what marriage is about.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with Hope. This marriage is toast...you married a spoiled brat. However, running away is not the answer because legally you will still be attached to this ball and chain. Time for you to start consulting with a lawyer. Given the type of person your wife is, it would be better to consult with a lawyer, make sure you know how to protect yourself and THEN sit down with your wife and discuss divorce.

[DN]

I agree that you should see a lawyer. Hopefully, after just one year of marriage and her refusing to get a job you won't be on the hook too much financially. But even if it does cost you some bucks the price will be worthwhile to get rid of this parasite.

[Enigmatika]

And later, said that she will have professional job and won't for example work as a sales person ( she has no expereince and I tried to explain to her several times that she needs to start somewhere and work her way up). And whenever I bring the issue of her working up, she gets angry and defensive with me and we will end up in a fight.

She failed Math in school, I take it....