Do girls really 'play hard to get'?

[GuyNamedBob]

Hi everyone, (by the way, I wasn't totally sure where to post this

 

Just a quick question on my mind, as the title says.

Background: There is a girl (I have known for approx 2-3 years) and we are more than just friends, but the distance has always prevented us from making anything of it.

 

I am almost certain that our feelings for each other are pretty much on par (give or take, as expected). But the difference between us is that I am willing to call or send her a message, and she is less so willing to do so recently (maybe someone knows why).

 

Very occasionally I would ask her if she will just drop me a line or message/text if she isn't busy (just to talk but partly because I wanted to see if she would [oh and she didn't/doesn't by the way]. Don't judge me on that please 8-[).

 

So I guess I'm asking two questions really.

1. Do girls play hard to get? (slight hint of naïveté)

But more importantly to me...

2. Is this girl playing hard to get?

 

Thanks

 

ps. I'm not one to like nor play these silly games in relationships, (were both mid teens) and its more than likely that I have missed something out, so just ask if you need.

[capbit]

Give some more info. Elaborate on how you two are more than friends?

 

But to answer your question..

1. yes yes

2. Hard to tell with the given info, she could just be not interested.

[Superfreak]

If she's totally ignoring you, it usually just means that she's totally ignoring you and uninterested. Playing hard to get might mean something like waiting for you to IM her first when she signs on, or waiting a little while before responding to your calls, but it certainly doesn't mean giving someone the cold shoulder.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't normally play "hard to get" per se. However, I usually let the guy make all the moves and work for me. I don't play with heart strings, but I need a certain amount of boldness in a guy. If a guy can't even be direct with me then, what is going to happen 5 months from now when we have a problem but he doesn't have the guts to be vulnerable and tell me what's wrong?

 

At least, that is what I do....

 

so.

 

1) yes but every girl is different about it

 

2) can't tell....

[GuyNamedBob]

Hi capbit, well we loved each other very much a year or so back, but other non-related things made us drift apart. We were at the point of 'making it official' in a non-marital meaning, if you will (and to avoid saying 'going out with' or being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' We talked a lot and things were great. She did a few times call me but I missed them (not purposely) so i guess that put her off calling.

 

Superfreak, She doesn't give me cold shoulder at all, when we have a proper conversation we really do talk for hours.

Exactly as you said; 'waiting for you to IM her first when she signs on, or waiting a little while before responding to your calls'. That pretty much sums it up tbh. But also sometimes its a case of vague replies on IM.

[capbit]

Well you've know each other for quite some time. Perhaps she really enjoys the friendship you two have and doesn't want to initiate anything to make you think she wants more.

[GuyNamedBob]

Well you've know each other for quite some time. Perhaps she really enjoys the friendship you two have and doesn't want to initiate anything to make you think she wants more.

 

I see where you're coming from, is there anyway that I could drop a hint to see if she does?

Without provoking a downward spiral if she isn't at all at where I hope.

Also to not give her false hope if she is.

 

edit: I know a few of her friends (who I could ask), but I don't want to get into the classic playground situation.

Thanks for all of your replies.

[AuthenticAuthor]

I never understood this whole "Hard to get" thing. Hard to get what? Ownership? A heart? I can imagine that women who decide to play that game are racked by the same kind of confusion that men typically go through. It's not like we're all psychic. Nevertheless...

 

1) Yes, many do.

2) If she is, she is wasting time for both of you.

[GuyNamedBob]

I never understood this whole "Hard to get" thing. Hard to get what? Ownership? A heart? I can imagine that women who decide to play that game are racked by the same kind of confusion that men typically go through. It's not like we're all psychic. Nevertheless...

 

1) Yes, many do.

2) If she is, she is wasting time for both of you.

 

I know what you mean by 'getting what?'. But I suppose a girl might do this as a method of screening? (just speculation).

I'd rather not be involved in these games at all. But it never seems as though if the guy stop chasing the woman, she will turn around and try to chase him. Going by what I have read on ENA this seems to be the case in at least the majority of relationships.

 

I think some try, but you can't fake it. You are either interested or you are not. The nonchalant attitude only "works" if it is sincere, and a man can tell.

 

The distance between the girl and myself means that its difficult to know what they are really trying to say, especially if the majority of it is by text or IM.

 

Thanks for your replies