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...but not much.


I haven't been here in a while because usually reading all these break up stories makes me really depressed, so I've been trying to occupy my time with other things.


In a nutshell, my ex basically didn't want a relationship anymore (with me, as I later found out). She moved on to someone else a week after we broke up. They were together for a month and then she comes back to me. Like a moron, I take her back, but we aren't in a true relationship. Basically FWB. This was all about a year ago.


Finally I told her I couldn't deal with this anymore because I'm still in love with her and I felt I deserve better than a situation like this. So we stopped talking back in Feburary.


I've managed to keep NC alive and well since then, except for one minor slip-up in March when I sent her a drunken text telling her I wished she'd realize we're soulmates. She called right away and in my drunken stupor, I answered and talked to her for about an hour.


She used to just say nothing on the relationship issue when I'd bring it up. For as drunk as I was, though, I remember her telling me this time that I'm a great guy and she knows I'll find someone who'll love me.


That's all I needed to hear. It's like I got dumped all over again. So here it is almost middle of April and even though I slipped up, I still consider this month 3 of no contact, since I had nothing of any consequence to say the last time we talked.


So I'm slowly moving on. I'm starting to realize I may never hear from her again. I try not to think about that. I jog...I lift weights...I work all day. Yet I can't stop thinking about her and all the wonderful times we shared together.


I've been in love with this girl for 6 years now and I'm starting to get the feeling I'll never be able to let her go. Friends tell me to get out there and date, but the only reason I'd date anyone is to make the ex jealous. Not a really great reason if you ask me.


Sorry for the rant. But I don't know...I don't know why I felt like rambling on with this post. I guess it feels better to write. I guess.


I search the Internet for answers, only to find there are hundreds and thousands of heartbroken people out there. And I find myself wondering, why even love at all? What's the point? Nice house, nice neighborhood, expensive jewelry and electronics, a fast car, lots of money...none of this means anything if you have no one to share these things with.


Take a vacation to the most incredible place in the world. It isn't much fun if you're there by yourself.


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