Is it normal to hurt?

[CalindaAnn]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year and a half. We both believe in saving sex until marriage and we have talked about it several times.

Part 1 : Well, a few nights ago he fingered me for the first time and it felt good but it hurt. Is this normal? I don't masterbate so I'm thinking that it is just that I'm not use to having anything in there.

Part 2 : I was talking to him about it tonight and it ended with me saying that i wasn't sure. I want him to be happy and he wants to do this and I'm not sure if I feel like it is wrong but I don't know that I think it is okay. He tells me he loves me and that it doesn't matter to him, that he would like to but he loves me either way. I feel like I should say it is fine but somewhere inside me I just feel like saying no but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just scared of change. I've told him all this and we are getting together tomorrow and well will talk more about it then but I just thought I'd get your thoughts.

[enadevoli]

yes, its normal for it to hurt the first couple of times. don't rush into things your not ready for though. if your not sure about some thing, then i suggest you just wait until you are totally for sure about some thing before doing it. you don't want to end up regretting any thing, so its best to wait when you are questioning these things. your so lucky to have a bf like him, who is willing to wait until you are ready & won't break up with you if you aren't. there are some guys out there who are totally opposite of your bf & they are the ones who aren't even worth it, so you are lucky. like i said before, just wait until you are ready & you know you are. chances are, if you are questioning whether you are ready or not, then you probably aren't.

[Starlette]

Hey there, Ca! Thanks for seeking my help... At least my words matter to someone. I'm -not- imposing as other people think I am, I just get a bit overexcited... Luckilly for you I've got quite a bunch to say about this... Here goes a shot:

 

Well, last year I was friends with this girl that seemed nice, then she started getting tainted. After a while of telling us about freaky things... She told us she gad given this guy that she had only known for a week oral, and that they had horsed around in her car. Among the things she told us about, she mentioned fingering. We were disgusted at her, since he was with her only for a week... And the week later she did the same thing with her ex-boyfriend. See, I'm not saying that it's wrong to experiment... But see, I don't talk to her anymore. I strongly believe one should hold back, and my boyfriend and I are trying to hold back from it. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, because it's natural for a couple to want to experiment... But it's not fingering and sex all the time, he already fingered you... Take it easy. I'm guessing it hurts because you're a complete virgin, just don't let him get too worked up while he does it, else he could penetrate the hymen... Or, I'm puerto rican... So I'm not sure of what makes you a virgin, I only know the term in Spanish.

 

 

Look, my advice is for you to hold back... Even though it -is- against the church, forget all that spiritual stuff. Sexual exp. has nothing to do with who you are, but it says alot about you. You don't know if something might happen between the two and you'd get into a bad fight. Believe me, only six months with my boyfriend and we never thought it possible we could fight... Now it's a bit tough, since we argue often.. But we always find a way of fixing things. Please, my advice is to hold back. There's nothing better that you can give your man in marriage other than your virginity. It's a way of saying 'Here I am, I was waiting for -you- all along.' As stupid as it seems, this intimacy often leads to a good marriage. I know it's hard to control yourself back because we're all curious. Hell, I wish I could. Anthony and I both want to, and we admitted it. But not yet, this age is much too pretty to waste. There is SUCH a high risk... and there is, I know many girls that used protection and still got pregnant. Look, it'll ruin your relationship. He can love you without taking you to bed yet, so don't rush anything. If he cannot wait for you, he's not worth it and he doesn't really love you.

 

Just take it slow, have some fun... Live your life, once you're an adult you'll have so much sex you'll get tired of it! You'll be going 'Oh please, not tonight...' Trust me, it happens to everyone. Think of all the years ahead of you.

 

I hope my words helped in the least. If ever you need me, give another call... I have no problem in giving more details. If you, like some others, think that I'm just full of trash... Then I tried.

 

Thanks for your time, reading this means alot to me... To think I can help someone! Take care.

 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

the broken star x