rant

[Fox1198]

Do you guys have experience with people who break up with you, and then just doesn't want to have anything to do with you?

 

I broke up with a gf about a month ago, and that's how she's been. Before we broke up she would say she doesn't wanna lose me as a friend. But as soon as she decided it was over, she seemed to have become really cold.

 

I know, it doesn't matter. I know, she's just trying to move on. But I've never dated a girl that can go from love to cold so fast before. Typically I'd expect the dumper would at least have some courtesy and talk to the dumpee a few times, perhaps consoling him/her and trying to understand how the other party feels.

 

In my case, nothing bad happened between us. It was just that we didn't match, or she just lost interest.

[Cognitive_Canine]

^^^

 

just goes to show you that the break up was a good one. Who wants to be with someone so cold. Keep your head up, fox.

[swishypantsman]

Dude, read my posting from yesteray. I'm right there with you buddy.

[Up and Down]

You don't know her motivation for not talking to you. She could be doing NC herself to separate herself from the relationship. Think of it as a benefit as it will help you to move on as well.

[Litgirl01]

I had to go NC...so I could heal. I couldn't do it while I was talking to him still! I still love him though!

[lilypadgirl]

Hey Fox, I've experienced the same thing. He said he wanted us to be friends but never once did he approach me or reach out to me in kindness or friendship. Not once did he come to me to explain what he was going through and why he did what he did. Not once did he come and ask if I'm okay or what I was going through or even or even how I was and what's going on with me.

 

He's done everything to make it absolutely clear he's completely rejected me from his life. So I understand.

 

Rant it all out, but recognize that your time and affections are better used on someone more worthy. She probably has her own issues to deal with or maybe she's just a cold person. Either way, you take care of yourself.

[jettison]

Dumpers feel that if they contact the dumpee, or show too many positive emotions, they will be leading that person on, hurting them, and prolonging their healing. So, they take complete distance, suck it up, and move on.

 

It's likely not because she doesn't miss you or wouldn't otherwise want to say "hello". But when you're done, sometimes, you're done.

 

Only once in my life have I ever had an ex-GF cut me off completely. It SUCKED! About 6 months later we started dating again, but when I went through, I was all filled with piss and vinegar about it.

[swishypantsman]

How long did you go out with her the second time around jettison?

[jettison]

How long did you go out with her the second time around jettison?

 

Not long... maybe a few months. I was a clueless jack ass back then though. She broke up with me because I was being a jerk. And when she broke up with me again, I was being a jerk. Come to think of it, looking back, I sure was a jerk when I was younger. It took a lot of time and introspection before I snapped out of it. I don't think we so much broke up the second time though, so much as drifted apart. She moved to Oahu to go to school. She still sent me postcards all the time, and "Aloha Jetts" voicemails that my roomate at the time always teased me about. And then, once I fell in love with my 10 year, we lost touch all together.

[Lionel Hutz]

You dont know it yet, but its easier this way. Cut your losses.Why drag out a break up to only be disappointed in the end. Shes "keeping it real." I know its hard too but after a while you wont take it personally anymore. You will understand she might not have been right for you.

[Addicus]

My ex wanted to do teh 'friends' thing, I went NC for 5 weeks and then contacted...she had some things of mine and I gave her the option of mailing/dropping off or meeting. She wanted to meet asked me when I gave her options....not heard from her again....my point is....that often when the dumper dumps they think a friendship will soften not only their guilt but also the pain of the dumpee but as time goes by they may just realise that it is not healthy to stay friends...at least not until a lot of healing has been done, or they are in another relationship and it is not fair to stay friends with an ex. Who knows...feeling change just like the wind. My feeling did..I was all about trying to do teh friends thing until she started flirting with me and I called her on it and she denied it..then I went NC. See it as a blessing so you can move on...that is how I am looking at it by my ex not contacting me!

[jammer180]

I'm totally going through what you are going through right now! You can read my post so confused about what's happened here.... My bf was totally into me wanted to talk about marriage and everything, even moved back accross the world to be with me. Then when he decided he didn't want it anymore (I initiated a breakup becuase I couldn't take the only one day a week he was making for me and him going to the bars with his single buddy every weekend alone, and just the general lack of interest in me or my life anymore). But it was him that wanted the breakup. He said he still wanted us to talk afterwards and that he'd still be on msn to chat, and that it would be nice if we could still talk. Nothing bad happened, he just said he couldn't commit right now as he didn't have time and was feeling lost in his life and needed to 'find himself'. I assume he found someone else and that's why he had become distant, and me bringing up breaking up was his easy way out. He never spoke to me again. It's been two months.

 

So yes, I understand your confusion on how someone that had feelings for you could just kick you out of their life like you never even existed so easily when you are still thinking about them and feeling things for them. I don't know what to say to help you, it hurts a lot I know. I don't know why she is doing that to you. It's possible if you ended it that she is hurt and trying to go NC to make you want to talk to her. If she's the one that ended it I'm not sure why she's doing it.. but I know how much it sucks and how confusing it can be. I hope that you will get through this and be ok, I really do. I wish there was something I could say to make you understand, but I'm going through it too and I don't understand it myself. I don't think that mine is going NC to get over me, cuz he's the one that wanted to break up so I don't see why he would need to get over me... it's all so confusing. The people here have a lot of great things to say though, read the posts and try to heal is all that I can tell you. Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best!