Getting my girlfriend of 3 years back

[curbie]

Hello! I'm glad I found this place! I am in DESPERATE need of some help...just like the rest of us are here! I have been with this girl for 3 years. We started dating in July 2000. It has been the BEST thing to happen in our lives. She even kept a scrapbook of ALL of the things we've done together. Movies, places we ate, pictures, EVERYTHING. (well...*ahem* almost everything) Anyhow, here is my situation...and I don't think it is a very good reason for breaking up. Her and I went through a whole month without seeing each other. She and I were just so tied up with working a lot of overtime with our jobs and such. She would go out with her friend or I'd be home alone. One day, I called her 20 minutes before her lunch break and asked if I could take her out for lunch. She said "No...I'm going out with Annie." (Danielle is my ex and Annie is the friend) I got upset and said "Fine...forget it.." Anyways..we got into an argument and she yelled at me and hung up on me. I felt so stupid and bad afterwards. I called her back and apologized and she told me that she'd talk to me later about stuff. It was that weekend she laid it on me. We broke up. I hate being single, I hate being just friends...but I'm going to have to live with it for now, I guess. She is in one of those moods where "I need time to myself to figure out if *this is what I want or not." (*this - meaning "us" or "the relationship") Her and I still talk and get along well...we still do things together. See movies, etc...but it is killing me inside so bad and I'm so heartbroken about it. It seems easier for her, because this is how she wants things to be right now. I get jealous when she goes out with other guys, but it is just a friends thing. Either way, it gets me jealous. She never did "friends" things with other guys when her and I were dating..like going out for a movie, dinner and head off to a bar. So anyway...I guess I'd like to know how I can approach her and let her know that I'm so sorry and how can I repair this? I'm trying SO hard and it seems that I'm hitting a brick wall at each attempt I make. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong? Please help.

 

PS...our last encounter...we umm..still did *ahem* "mature content goes here" stuff....if you catch my drift. Her and I still kiss each other on the cheek or at the most...we always hug. I think she may come back...but then again...maybe not. Just like being drunk....sobering up takes time. This is one big toll on me with time right now.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Curbie

 

You might wanna take a look at my responses to these two posts

 

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Your case has a few differences but the info will help you just the same.

 

When she broke up with you, she was already thinking about it, it was just the trigger or "Straw that broke the camels back".

 

It was that month apart that she learned to enjoy her freedom.

 

Now she is in a more pleasant situation! she is free to do what she wants, hang with friends, date, she has no commitment to you now! and yet, when she needs sex, she can always call you up! isn't that great?

 

This is the dreaded "friends with benefits trap" that many women usually fall into, thinking they can win their guys back through giving them what they want. it hardly ever works if ever, how can it, they are getting what they want without having to give anything back. Your girl hasn't lost anything!!!! she still has your love, she still has your sex, and she has your loyalty cause she knows you still want her. she don't have to give you anything!!!

 

well what you need to do now is tell her, you cant do this anymore, tell her you love her, but love is a two way street, and that it not fair to you. and that you will give her, the space she needs to find out what she wants.

 

She will try and seduce you, but its best to avoid it, what you want is her love and commitment, and you need to show with your actions that your a package deal!!! your telling her through your actions that, if she wants your love, companionship, friendship, sex, and attention, that she has to want to give those things back also.

 

Don't be jealous, that tells her your insecure, and controlling which by the way is the reason all this happened, so she could have her freedom. she basically saw you as a drag. and every little indication of jealousy you show, just confirms her actions even more!

 

Follow those other pointers from the other posts too.

 

( Don't look sad or angry, get on with your life, don't send her messages etc)

 

If you play this well, there is a good chance she will be back. if she does comeback remember what drove her away, don't be controlling or jealous, when she wants to go out, let her, you need to trust her, if you cant then forget about her.

[curbie]

Thank you both for your replies! It means a lot!