Confused, need some real advice...

[4EverNight]

It's been awhile since I've been in the forum. Thought I could deal with my situation but I seem to fail at every turn. My situation is pretty much stupid and wrong which I know but I can't seem to get out of it entirely. I ended up having a relationship with a woman who has a boyfriend. I thought of it as a fling but ended up falling for her. This had gone on for months until I ended it because I knew it was wrong. A month or so later we ended up together again (I won't bore you with the details) and she said she was leaving him because it was not working out. But before she did, he found out about us and called me on it and I told him straight out the truth man to man. As it turns out, she denied everything and he actually believed her. She went on to say it was I who initiated everything and she did nothing with me. She even called me to say never to call her again. Of course I was stunned, her attitude threw me for a loop. I was so ticked off I avoided her though she works in the same company as I do. Then she wants us to be friends. She even went so far as to say lets just be friends for now and see how things turn out later and apologizes for how she spoke to me. I'm still confused on how a person can be this way. Unfortunately I had fallen hard for her. Before this all happened, we had planned to move in together etc so this is really a blow to me wondering what the hell this is all about. How can a woman be so cold and callous not only to me but her boyfriend who she flat out lied to. I know being with her would be the wrong thing but I keep rationalizing the things she said and done. I take alot of the blame because I never should get involved with someone who is seeing another person. Sometimes your heart does the choosing for you, you can't always choose who you fall for. Any thoughts?

[Gilgamesh]

How can a woman be so cold and callous not only to me but her boyfriend who she flat out lied to

 

When you had your little fling with her the first time, she was cheating on him, get it? she never changed a thing about who or what she was, you just failed to see that this woman has no loyalty and is a liar and cheat.

 

If she really was thinking of leaving him, why didn't she do it before contacting you, after all you stopped it the first time for it "being wrong".

you let her seduce you again.

 

Why is it that people believe that if someone cheats on someone else to be with you, that they will somehow be someone else when they are with you? its beyond me!

 

If she was an honest and loyal person she would never have cheated on her boyfriend, how hard is that to understand? and you still wonder how she could do this to you?

 

I see this all the time with women here on the forum too, women involved with guys that are cheating on someone to be with them, "Oh he is such a nice man, I love him so much etc etc." and then they wonder why these guys cheat on them later, or lie to them. its amazing.

 

Well, maybe you learned something from your experience, you can judge a persons character by their actions. it was fairly obvious what this girl was from day one, you just ignored those facts.

[The Morrigan]

I don't know what this girl is up to but... my first thought on her offer of friendship is... don't you need trust in a friendship? Do you really think you can trust her after she pretty much hung you out to dry as the "bad guy" to leave herself with all her options? I'm really sorry you ended up getting hurt in this way, but it sounds like she's motivated by interest in one person, and that is herself. You didn't choose to fall for her - but maybe now you can take a better look at her and ask yourself if the kind of person she's shown herself to be is really the kind of person you'd want to be in a relationship with - personally, I think you deserve better, someone who will put honesty and caring for the person they're involved with a little higher on their priority list. It's still going to hurt knowing you had more consideration for her than she did for you - but since she didn't, now you need to take that care you had for her, and use it to care about yourself and what you need. Start putting what you really want for yourself first for a while, instead of making allowances that would've let you settle for less than you'd be happy with, and find someone who is on the same page you are. She'll learn eventually - but it's not your job to teach her and get hurt any more in the process.

[4EverNight]

I appreciate the words. Your right that I need to find someone who is on the same page as I am. Trust is essential for me. Why I don't seem to be able to let go of her is beyond me. I know that she is all wrong for me and that the relationship if we we're together would never work but I always try to hard to see the best in everyone which I guess is my downfall sometimes. Trust me, I do feel pathetic at this point for feeling the way I do for her. I guess I just need to set my mind straight on what needs to be done and really follow through with it. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me, I do appreciate it.

[Imagine]

In this situation, "let's be friends and see what happens in the future" means "let's continue to build our relationship while I continue to build at least one other relationship and keep both (or all) indefinitely by lying to every single other person involved."

 

 

[passionforliving]

You fill something in her relationship she is lacking from her partner. If she truly love you, she will be honest with herself and leave her relationship. But fact is, she didn't, even when she was caught red handed. Instead she denied, which is so common is many people who cheated.

 

I doubt if she really love you for who you are. Until she deal with her own issues and understand them, she will make someone else a tool for her own enjoyment, if not you, then someone esle.

 

Stop any contact with her if possible. It's tough being in the same working environment, but if you need to get over it, you have to have minimal contact. I wish you all the best.

 

passion

[4EverNight]

Your probably right that I fill something that she is missing in her life. Like you said if she felt the same as I do towards her she would have been honest about everything instead of denying it. I'll do what I can to keep our contact at a minimal but it's going to be difficult. Thanks for the advice.

[Genesis]

Hey sweety do you remember me? I do not want to tell you I told you so. I think you can see for yourself that she has no integrity.

 

Just look back at what I told you before. This woman is not good for you she lied to you in the past, and now she is doing it all over again. The lesson you can learn from this woman is that when you play with fire you will get burned. Just as I told you before, you and her ex are just like a pair of socks to her. Which ever foot you put the sock on SHE still gets what she wants, but you and the ex are left out to wonder. Even if you became her man she would still, be with her ex.

 

When she lied to you about going on that trip with her ex, you should have know then she was trouble. This girl makes me sick and I know you are a nice guy who got caught up in this mess. Love can be SO blind.

The best thing to do is to LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!! IF SHE LIES TO HER BF ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR , SHE WILL LIE TO YOU ABOUT ANY AFFAIR SHE WILL HAVE ON YOU! Just call it a loss, before you end up in more mess. She has NO CHARACTER OR INTEGRITY, SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.

 

She had the chance to tell her BF right away the truth to be with you, but she did not, she dissed you and went right back to him. Do not be a fool for her anymore.The next time you write I hope it will be about dumping her again.

 

Good Luck

[4EverNight]

Hello again Genesis, I was wondering if you would be dropping in. Yes I can tell that she does not have any integrity. Love really was blind in this case I'm sad to say. Guess it took all this to happen for it to knock some sense into me. You have no idea how ridiculous and stupid I feel at this point to let it drag on for so long. I've always been the type of person who tries to see the best in a person and give a benefit of a doubt when something seems wrong. I just don't like to be bitter because of what has happened to me. It was wishful thinking on my part to think she could change. It has been a mentally draining situation for me, all I ever wanted to do was to make her happy and enjoy the things life had to offer.

As it so happens, I told her that I could not do this anymore and that I needed to move on which now she is ticked about it. You were right all along, wish I could have been stronger back then when you first gave me the advice to drop her. Thanks for putting up with my sorry attitude, hearing from someone who knows about my situation from the beginning to end really has helped build me up again and to realize what really is going on. Genesis, you are the bomb. Thanks again......

[Genesis]

I am sorry to hear that she broke your heart again. Do not feel bad about yourself. Sometimes we have to gives things one more try to see if it is really worth it, you can move on without any doubt. Now you know for a FACT that this girl has no morals or ethics to herself, and she is not worth your time anymore. This is not the type of woman who you would want to be the mother of your children because, if it is ok for their mother to lie & cheat then it will be ok for them to act this way.

 

I am just FLOORED that she had the never to still deny her involment with you after she said all that BS about leaving her BF to be with you. I hope you do not fall for her tricks again. Think about the type of woman you want to spend your life with, I am sure she will not act like this woman. There is an old saying that goes: When someone really SHOWS themself to you , you need to believe them! She has show you over and over she is a greedy lying selfish B$%^. Be strong and move on, do not get played again for the 3rd, 4th,5th, 6th,7th time, pack up and ship out!!

 

Good Luck!