Boomerang?

[littlej]

Boomerang - girl breaks up with guy #1 goes out with new guy #2, 3 months later for a few months breaks it off abruptly to go back to guy #1.

 

I dated this girl that ended a verbally abusive relationship last summer. We dated in late fall and when I confronted her about the relationship she said it was nothing. She stated that he was never going to be the guy she needed him to be. We dated for 3 months and everything was great. The one thing that bothered me is the fact that she was moving fast with the I love yous and moving in ect.

 

I didn’t realize but her and her ex began talking on the phone and emailing back and forth behind my back. She eventually broke things off with me and started dating him again. This literally ripped my heart out. I’m still very hurt about it. I have been LC for a while and NC for about a week.

 

The confusing thing is she acknowledges this guy to be bad for her and it would not work out. He comes running back to her telling her that he is a changed man. Her friends and coworkers are baffled because they used to see them fight and state over and over that I am so much more of a man than he is.

 

I just wish she would come to her senses and realize that if it was rough the first time around then how will the second time turn out?

 

I fear that I was a rebound but would he be a potential rebound as well if they start dating literally a week after me? They were not in a long relationship like 5-6 months but she stated to me that she knew he was the one the moment they met. I’m no expert but I feel that her newfound interest is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Help!

[dragon lady]

I wouldn't be wasting any more time thinking about this girl. She obviously has priorities that are not you. I know it must hurt like hell, but at least you know what she's like now. I hope you are okay.

[littlej]

yea I guess, I'm just stuck thinking about all of the good times.

[SCbunny]

I think this girl has some clear and obvious issues to resolve.

 

She is probably a good person that sadly, ended up in a bad place.

 

Do you know if this other guy is offering her something specific that no one else can offer her? I mean, if he's so bad to her theres gotta be some supernatural extraordinary thing about him. And This is doubtful.

Maybe his abuse is the thing that attracts her back? Underlying issues from her past could be the cause for this. Do you know if she has had related problems growing up?

 

If you are truly in love with her, you need to communicate to her everything that you are thinking and feeling. You could (very delicately) recommend her to get some sort of help because a happy and typical person would not want to keep coming back to a verbally abusive relationship, especially after having experienced being with a great person like yourself.

[stickman]

Be glad tht you were only with her 3 months. Sorry to say, but you did not have too much history together.

 

Based on her behavior, I think that she must have a lot on insecurities. When people throw out the "I love you", sometimes they say it just so that they hear it back. Then the person saying it feels better about themselves.

 

Until he is out of the picture, I would not contact her at all. You will only feel worse.

[littlej]

She has no such problems that I know of. She has been in 1 relationship before this that was 3 years long. He was similar, abusive, cheated ect.

 

I communicated my feelings enough, she knows just how I feel. If I do that again she will be driven away even further. She just doesn't want to hear it anymore.

 

Remember things were going well and she got annoyed and dumped him because he was acting this way. She got back together with him because he says he changed.

[littlej]

Be glad tht you were only with her 3 months. Sorry to say, but you did not have too much history together.

 

Based on her behavior, I think that she must have a lot on insecurities. When people throw out the "I love you", sometimes they say it just so that they hear it back. Then the person saying it feels better about themselves.

 

Until he is out of the picture, I would not contact her at all. You will only feel worse.

 

I never thought of the I love you to hear it back thing. Makes sense, they did not have a long relationship either. I am not contacting her at all. She has written a few short vague emails but I do not call or text her at all.

 

He chased and chased her until she gave in. I don't do that kind of behavior, its almost like she gave in because he just kept pursuing. He would text and email like a champ.

[littlej]

It rips me to shreds knowing that she took him home to her parents house this weekend. It could have been me...

[Addicus]

LittleJ My ex flipped out in the first week about a ring I still wear from an ex of a longtime ago......long story..anyway...then her recent ex who got physical with her and had an affair was always texting, I was also being compared to the ex...in good ways ut the ex WAS ALWAYS THERE! Red flags..yep...anyway....I don't thnk she is over the ex and may of gone backto her?? I don't know...I do know that people do crazy thing because of their own crazy needs and they don't always take time to think through things...sounds like this is nothing to do with you..just ehr issues..let her go back to him..won't last long....but I would think it would be ahrd for you to trust her again!!

[broken-hearted]

Give it time and work on your self. go total NC. see what happens in the future. as simple as that. It hurts like nothing else in the world, but thats the reality we have as dumpees. i feel for you man.

[littlej]

Thanks guys, it hurts and I know it won't last. I even know that I shouldn't go back to her but my heart says different. That is the hard part, dealing with this demon inside.