Dealing with an ex and my best friend..

[GizMo567]

I don't know if this is the right place to put this. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago and sent me into a tail spin of sorts. I was lost and confused and the like.

 

Prior to this, about a year ago i lost my best friend. She committed suicide and i was the last person she called before she committed the act. I obviously was left devastated and since i didn't have that many friends to begin with, losing her was the last thing i needed.

 

Unfortunately, i was blamed for her death as silly as it may seem and it cut so deep that i didn't think i could recover. Since i was the last person she called and her last lifeline and i didn't answer, the blame was put on me. I am trying to deal with it the best i can but for the most part i think i just hid the emotions..until now.

 

My ex left me for another guy but now these emotions are collapsing around me. It feels like suicide is the best way to go for me but i know i can't because my family and the very little friends i have still care.

 

I just don't know how to start picking up the pieces from both losses. I didn't know i hid so many feelings and now that i am alone and with no real place to turn to, i feel lost and dead inside. I feel like my heart gave out everything it had and i have no feeling left inside except complete emptiness.

 

I'm sorry this is so long. I just don't know where to turn at the moment. Thank you for reading.

[flyingdodo]

Wow I had no idea you'd been through that GizMo, I know you might not feel it but I think you sound incredibly strong. Can I ask who blamed you? I'm sure they were just confused and hurt at what had happened and if they were thinking clearly they would know it wasn't your fault in any way.

[GizMo567]

Unfortunately, her mom and a couple of my friends did. Her mom forgave me but seeing as we were close (practically brother/sister and we were inseparable for the better part of high school) i have not been in contact with her since. The couple of friends called me and met up with me and reconciled. It has been a extremely rough road and it is very difficult to swallow but for the most part the pain inside is starting to heal although very very slowly.

[flyingdodo]

It sounds to me as though they felt they needed someone to blame because it was such a shock and they were hurting so badly and not because they actually believed you were to blame. You must have felt pretty alone though, right at the time you needed those people around you. You may find that talking about it helps the pain inside heal and I'm happy to listen any time you need!