caught lying, opsy!

[studbaker99]

so over the weekend while my roomate and good friend was away, a couple (guy girl) came over and the girl asked if she could use said roomate's room to sleep with her guy - I had some drinks in me and I said yes.

 

Today the roomate came over and asked me straight up if someone had slept in her room and I said no. Then my other roomate was chatting away with her and slipped that people had slept in her (the first roomate's) room.

 

The first roomate came to my room and straight up said 'liar!' and i knew what I was busted on. I totally apologized but I dont know if the relationship will mend itself. After 10 minutes I went to her room and explained and apologized for the lapse in judgement, and that I'd leave her be in her own space to think things over.

 

We've always been 100% open and honest with each other, sometimes talking for hours on end on whatever, and I feel like I broke her trust (which I did) and can never regain it again. Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion but the point is I let someone use something that wasn't mine to use and I lied to her about it. Sure letting someone crash in your room may or not be something big (the irony of things is that it IS a big thing for me, I wouldnt want anyone crashing in my room while I was away), so I don't know. My only excuse was that she let another friend crash in her room once before and that is why I felt like it was okay.

 

Anyway my plan is to talk to her tomorrow if I run into her around the house, and ask her how she's feeling and if she wants to talk about it. If she's willing to engage in conversation that to me would mean she's willing to move on and forgive (but not forget), but if she says straight up 'no' and just pretends nothing's on, then that would actually hurt more.

 

I'd love to hear advice on this if anyone has any experiences on what I could or not do...

[karvala]

Don't make it bigger than it is. A large part of someone's reaction to something, particularly something that has not occurred before, is governed by their perception of the expectations of others as to how they should behave. If she sees you acting very guilty, repeatedly apologising at great length, she's going to start believing that what you did must be really bad, and she should be really mad at you. If, on the contrary, you offer a simple and sincere apology once or twice, as it sounds like you already have, with no excuses or attempt to explain away what you did, and then leave it, play it down thereafter or even make it slightly humorous, she's going to believe that perhaps it really wasn't that bad after all (which it wasn't; it's not a nice thing to do, and lying about it was dumb, but it's not the end of the world and no real harm was done).

 

Give her time to come round, and don't give her a reason to think that it was than it really was.

[studbaker99]

Thanks yeah that sounds like a really good advice...i think I overreacted when she came to my room and called me a liar and I started apologizing. I haven't talked to her this morning ... But you're right... when i run into her sometime I'll probably just apologize once more like 'hey it wasnt cool what i did and im just genuinely sorry - it was just a spur of the moment little white lie' and leave it at that. Would I be downplaying it too much by making it sound like it wasnt a big deal 'white lie' , or perhaps, the opposite and it is too much of an apologetic tone?

[studbaker99]

just added this so i can receive notifications...