This is serious...(URGENT)

[Slain67]

Okay, I really need some help. I have this friend that has a bipolar disorder. Whenever i'd talk to her online after school (we're in college), she'd say that shes depressed, or seomtimes even crying. I try to help her and give her advice but it seems to only make it worse. I just talked to her tonight about trying to think positive. She said that that is not who she is. I mentioned something like "you have to change yourself and not have to depend on others changing you." She didnt respond after I told her that and signed off AIM. I'm really worried about her. I fear we may loose our friendship, or worse, commit suicide. PLEASE HELP. This is somewhat urgent. I need some serious advice here.

[materia_goddess]

hey there Slain67

 

thankyou for writing to us on enotalone. By the sound of things your very worried about your online friend. in fact, i have a friend JUST like her!

 

well if you dont know her offline it might be hard to do anything else by talk to her online, but to not make it look like your helping.....if you get me. See if she is anything like my friend, they go sour as soon as you try and give any positive light on their situation. its almost like they dont WANT to change. Sometimes i even start to think my friend likes to stay depressed because of attention or so that people will feel sorry for her. But you cant get angry at them for that, because then you may very well drive them to suicide or further self harm.

 

Its all about negative thinking. i do that alot as well, and its weird that the last thing i want to do is think positive because im so wrapped up in the negative. hard to understand? thats just human i guess. What i would suggest is to try and allude to things......or slowly approach the issue, so she wont be so aware. Its clear she needs help with her depression, so perhaps you could try and take her mind off it. Ive tried many times to tell my friend "hey listen, everyone has negatives and positives, but you HAVE to get over them......your not the only one, and your life is NOT that bad!"........ofcourse she doesnt like this because your actually facing her with reality, the very thing she is running away from.

 

Ive come to the conclusion that these people must learn to help themselves. sure we can push them in the right direction, but they have to realise it themselves. I know its hard, if you agree with them that they have it tough (what they want), it will only push them further, and if you try and make them see the positives, they will instantly think "no thats not the reaction i want! cant you see im sad!!".....and go sour on you.

 

ok so my advice is, that if you know her offline then you have much more power to make her see the light, but online your a little caged. the best thing i can think of to do is to try and take her mind off things. try and stay off topics which will lead her into her own problems. Im still working on my friend, so hopefully they'll realise there's alot more out there for them!

 

Best of luck to you and your friend. take care

 

*+*Materia_Goddess*+*

[musicguy]

Slain67, it's hard to try to have someone with bi-polar in your life. One of my ex-friends is bi-polar and it was so difficult to give her any advice...try to work with your friend, if you can, it DOES get frustrating after awhile when they it seems like you can't get through to them. Good luck tho.

 

musicguy

[Slain67]

Thanks for replying.

 

Ya, it's really hard to have bi-polar friend. I do see my friend offline every weekday. I noticed that she's always looking for attention. Maybe she wants to have more friends and become a bit more popular. Her depression is really laziness in a way. She makes people feel sorry for her and become fake friends instead of talking to people and actually becomign true friends. But that's just what I think.

 

Anyone else got any advice I could use?

[Sarry]

Slain67..

 

it seems you can't decide if you truly want to help your friend or tell everyone your opinion that depression is laziness! Is that what you think bi-polar disorder is? A name made up for people who really have laziness? I myself do not have bi polar, but i am suffering from severe depression. I would give anything to not have it, all the money in the world & everything i own if it would buy me a magic wand to make everything better. It seems to me that you do not actually realise that depressive illness of any form is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is no less serious than a physical injury except you can't see it and people like you seem to want to refuse to understand it saying we just want people to feel sorry for us.

 

At the moment, your friend will be feeling worthless, misunderstood & like everyone else would be better of without her around, more than you can ever know. Your attitude and lack of understanding will be making her feel like this even more and whilst she will be her own worst enemy at a time like this, friends like that can be done without. All I can say is that I hope you never ever have to find out what it is like to suffer from depression as I think for you, the shock alone to realise that is it not laziness and attention seeking, or something you can snap out of would be too much for you..

 

People with depression suffer enough as it is without suffering from the narrow-mindedness of their so called friends. Rethink your strategy here. Are you honestly prepared & able to be more openminded, understanding & truly caring of her condition, rather than saying depression is laziness and a way to make people feel sorry for you?? No one says it will be easy, but you need to recognise what kind of a friend you are here.. If the answer is no, then do the best thing for her at least and leave her be with people who can.

[Slain67]

Ouch. First off, Sarry, you don't know me so don't judge me like that from one post. Second, you misunderstood what I meant. I said that her depression is laziness "in a way." I did not say she was lazy nor that she uses her depression as laziness on purpose. I just meant it acts like it. I know she doesnt do it on purpose, but thats what she seems to do in my view. And third, I'm one of the very few people who are even friends with because I know the real her and I care about her. And I know what she must be going through, that's why I'm even posting here. For help on helping her. I also know that she must be going through hell every day repeating this cycle of emotions, so don't tell me I don't understand her.

 

Anyways, I know what to do now, so no one has to post anymore. Thanks for everyone that helped me.