Do gay/lesbian widowers/widows actually exist?

[lostwithouthim]

My significant other has been gone for 6 months as of Monday and I have yet to locate a support mechanism for others like me. New York City has a weekly meeting of gay widowers but that's a 4-5 hour drive each way. Every link I find by Googling 'gay widowers', 'gay bereavement', 'gay grief', etc... sends me to a hospital or hotline in the United Kingdom or Canada or to a book I can buy on Amazon. There is a monthly meeting of widows/widowers in a city nearby but the average age is 60+ years old and it is made up of all heterosexuals. I'm not downplaying their grief, but as a 30-something gay man whose partner did not die from AIDS I'd swear I'm a freak of nature.

 

Until I've shared my experience with other gay men or lesbians in my position I will feel alone, lost and confused. There must be others who've experienced what I'm going through but apparently if they live in the US no one cares. I can't even find online forums dedicated specifically to gay bereavement. I appreciate the supportive words I've received from well-wishers, but I need to hear from others who have had their worlds decimated by an unexpected death.

 

As a gay man I am dealing with the abandonment of my spouse, my 'in-laws', many friends and my government. I understand that heterosexual widows/widowers can relate to some of that, but they can't relate to all of it. If you know of any gay men or lesbians who have experienced the premature death of their spouse, please ask them to post here or private message me. I am desperate to know others in my shoes.

[greensleeves]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The lack of support for people in your position is something I never gave any thought to (I'm straight), but I imagine there are so many people in your situation.

 

I have a suggestion that could be totally unrealistic, but in honour of your partner, maybe you could start an on-line forum. I have no idea how a person would go about that, but I bet in no time at all you'd have thousands of members from all over the world and it wouldn't take long to get the word out. The reason I suggest it is that often people who have suffered a loss channel their grief into something positive and it can be very healing for them. For example, when someone loses a child or family member to a disease they start a foundation, etc.

 

Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

[greensleeves]

Lost...I just did some searching a found this site where you might be able to find what you're looking for, they have several different forums and you can start your own blogs, etc. and make suggestions for new forums. At the very least, maybe someone on the site could steer you in the right direction or may know of a group.

 

link removed

[lostwithouthim]

Thank you Greensleeves. I appreciate your suggestion, although emptyclosets doesn't have anything associated with my needs it is a good place to start. I've actually been thinking of starting my own forum/blog and your suggestion along those lines has given me a boost. I think I'm going to go that route in the interim. I'll let you know when it happens.

 

Thanks again.

[greensleeves]

You're welcome...I wish I could have been more help. It seems unbelievable that there is nothing out there for you...there seem to be support groups for pretty much everything and I really think that if you could start an online forum, you could assist so many men and women who are facing the same challenges as you are.

 

Maybe if you contacted the administrators here at ENA they could help you get started on your own site or it could become part of this community, I think it would be a good fit. But as I said, I have no clue as to the technical work required for something like that. It might take awhile for you to get something going, but once you did if people did a search on gay bereavement they could find eachother...it would certainly fill a need.

 

In the meantime, I wish you the very best. I'm sorry you feel so alone out there and I hope that you'll continue to post here. Please feel free to pm me anytime if you just feel like talking or need to vent.